What pattern are you working on changing?

Examples: alcohol, drugs, gambling, overeating, porn, shopping, avoidance, rage, overworking, people-pleasing, lying or hiding, shutting down, escaping or checking out.

What feels appealing, rewarding, comforting, exciting, or useful about it?

Examples: relief, fun, escape, confidence, comfort, control, numbness, adventure, connection, reward, rebellion, something to look forward to, a break from pressure, the one thing that feels mine.

Are there any other  emotional payoffs?

Examples: stress relief, quiet mind, feeling numb, feeling free, feeling social, feeling powerful, feeling less restricted, avoiding boredom, avoiding loneliness, avoiding pressure, avoiding shame, avoiding anxiety, tolerating a hard situation, escaping responsibilities.

What are you afraid might happen if you give it up?

Examples: losing fun, losing friends, feeling bored, feeling emotions, facing problems, feeling restricted, having no escape, losing confidence, losing your identity, being controlled, missing out, failing anyway, having to change your life, not knowing who you are without it.

What problems, consequences, or stress does this pattern create?

Think about how this pattern affects your relationships, work, money, health, time, responsibilities, or peace of mind.

Are there other things you DISLIKE about it?

Think about the parts that bother you, frustrate you, embarrass you, scare you, or make your life harder.

Examples: mental space, next-day regret, feeling dependent, secrets, mood swings, low energy, poor health, lost motivation, feeling out of control, broken promises, defensiveness, shame afterward.

 How does this pattern affect your ability to trust and respect yourself?

Examples: less self-trust, less confidence, less pride, less self-respect, feeling out of alignment, feeling like a fraud, betraying myself, betraying others, not living my values, losing dignity, knowing I’m capable of more, getting in my own way.

How do you react when this issue is brought up?

Examples: defensive, sneaky, selfish, checked out, unavailable, irritable, blaming others, making excuses, breaking promises, minimize it, avoiding responsibility, justify or rationalize it.