How To Talk Someone Into Making A Positive Change

• Let them bring up the problem first (change talk)
• Ask when they became aware there was an issue. Example: "What makes you think there's a problem? Or What happened to make you realize there's a problem? Or When did you become aware that this wasn't working for you?"
• Reflect on their issue with empathy. 
• Ask for an example of the problem they're dealing with
• Validate their feelings with a reflection statement 
• Ask what they're afraid might happen. (What's the roadblock?) 
• Be relatable but don't steal the attention 
• Say it before they think it 
• Extract positive info and reflect it to them. Reinforcing strengths or positives about their situation will help them feel more confident about their ability to conquer the problem. 
• Plow the ground to plant the seed. Don't suggest anything until you've spent sufficient time trying to understand their point of view.
• If someone says, "I don't know," it usually means the question is unclear or uncomfortable. Move on.
• Make a summary statement. Example: "You want to cut back on drinking but don't want to quit altogether, but you know your spouse would stop harping on you, and overall, things would be easier." This helps someone feel like you understand the whole picture.
• When a suggestion gets shot down, make a second suggestion with a smaller, more attainable ask.
• Get excited, validate the person's idea if it's positive, and ask for a commitment to the solution or action step.
• Conclusion--"leave it on the table." Take the advice or leave it, no pressure

Amber Hollingsworth

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