How I Almost Lived in a Garden Shed
Even though I am a counselor, I understand how hard it is to open yourself up to people you don’t know very well. To be really honest, it has been difficult for me to write this. So much so that Campbell and Amber have even written their own versions of my back story to help me along. True story.
The part of me that does not want to write this is the same part of me that lends me to working well with people who have a hard time being vulnerable in their own lives, and by saying vulnerable, I do not mean weakness.
I mean it in the way that Brene Brown (nationally respected therapist and author) means it: having the ability to show up in your own life with your own voice. Learning to be vulnerable is something that I have definitely struggled with, and I guess you could say it takes one to know one!
When I was young, my mom remarried more than once. I remember having to adjust to new people and new expectations. Needless to say, it was not fun. It was during these years that I learned to protect myself by building walls and boundaries around myself. I did this with logic; yes, logic. I love logic!
I don’t know how many times the words “I have a theory…” came out of my mouth between 9 and 19. You see, logic and theory bring certainty to uncertain situations, and uncertain situations make people feel exposed and vulnerable. There’s that word again… not a weakness.
So, here is the part where I almost lived in a garden shed. I was 13, and we had just moved out of our family home due to a divorce. My 15-year-old sister and I were now sharing a room, something we had not done since we were very young. To say the least, it was not going well.
One afternoon, my mom, sister, and I were at
a lumber store, and we walked by the garden
sheds. Just to paint the picture, I was super
mad that day. I don’t remember why; I just
remember being fuming mad! So, we walk
by the sheds, and they were just glorious!
Green with a small white trimmed window and
I thought, “Problem solved, genius, I’ll buy a
garden shed!” I figured I’d buy the $110.00
shed and live in the backyard.
My mom didn’t really think I would follow through with my “flawless” plan, so she humored me and didn’t say much, thinking I would not save the money, and if I did, I certainly would not spend it on a shed. Fast forward three months, and the room situation with my sister had only gotten worse. I went to my mom with my $110.00, ready to buy my freedom. Obviously, she did not let me move forward with my plan. However, this did solidify my relationship with logic and taught me a valuable lesson in regaining my personal power. This was the beginning of a beautiful love story, and I moved into the laundry room as a compromise.
Going through the difficulties of relationships can be tough, and if you’re the type of person who has a hard time being vulnerable, it can magnify the problem. As hard as it is to open up, it is important that you do. When we keep our problems in our head, they tend to get magnified and distorted. Talking about things out loud can help you gain clarity and perspective. Sometimes just the process of talking about things will reveal the answers you’re looking for.
No matter how tough you are, we all need a little help sometimes. As much as I like my independence, there have been times I’ve had to reach out for help, and I am so glad I did. Who knows; I might still be trying to live in a garden shed in my mom’s backyard.
Kim is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and a Licensed Addiction Counselor (LAC). She was an inpatient counselor at Carolina Center for Behavioral Health and has also worked in Intensive Outpatient and Partial Hospitalization Programs. With her years of experience working with families, Kim brings insight and objectivity to any situation. Kim got her BA in Family Systems and Psychology, she obtained her master’s degree from Websters University while working full time.
"We got a lot accomplished in an hour She knew the highlights of the story and was willing to listen to all of my story in our meeting but still gave lots of good tips and helpful words to explain and process the situation well. She gave options to allow me to make a choice with her knowledgeable advice and walked me through the pros and cons of the choices."
"I have spent a lot of resources (financial, time, emotional, etc.) seeking information and professional guidance to help me through the confusing experience of making big life decisions for myself while being married to a person with addiction and ADHD. I am also an active member of Al-Anon. The two brief consultations with Kim have been the best use of my time and resources because she is an expert in addiction and its role in marriage and families, and her coaching is specific to my unique situation. I have not found this anywhere else. Thank you, Kim."
"Kim helped me so much with my strategies and questions and we got through so much in a short hour. I took a lot of notes and she is helping me in my "sos "moment of needing coaching in a really important time of transition for my partner maybe being ready to get real help. I was able to get some real mind-bending jewels of epiphany from her about my own mistakes I'm making and I'm on it for a change !! She's an angel."