Unhealthy Thoughts To AVOID When Your Loved One Is Quitting Alcohol

Unlocking Influence: Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Thoughts in Addiction Support

As many of you know, I always encourage being smart and strategic when interacting with your addicted loved one. Making wise choices in your interactions can significantly influence the situation, even if you can't control it.

By now, if you've been watching this channel for a while, you probably agree with that approach. You watch the AMRE videos, you practice the techniques, but sometimes, despite your best efforts, things go sideways. It's human nature—emotions take over, and you might have a meltdown or say things you regret. It's okay; it happens to all of us.

Often, what leads to these moments are self-sabotaging thoughts. These internal narratives and conversations can stir us up, causing us to lose our way. Even those of you in our Invisible Intervention course, where you learn communication skills and track your progress, can hit these mental roadblocks.

Recognizing and dismissing these thoughts quickly is crucial. For those of you who are new here, I'm Amber Hollingsworth, a Master Addiction Counselor with over 20 years of experience helping people overcome addiction. The goal of this channel is to help you understand the science and psychology of addiction so you can get five steps ahead of it.

Today, we'll discuss these mental trip-ups that can set you back. This video idea came from one of our Facebook group moderators, inspired by my video for addicts about "monster mouths"—rationalizations and justifications that lead to bad choices. This video is for you, the family members, to identify and combat your own "monster mouths."

Common Self-Sabotaging Thoughts

1. "They'll Never Change."
This thought can be pervasive, especially if your loved one has failed multiple times. While not everyone will change, believing they never will can make you give up prematurely. Remember, multiple attempts and failures can actually bring them closer to success.

2. "They Only Care About Themselves."
Addictive behavior often appears selfish, but it's usually because they're in survival mode, dealing with withdrawal or anxiety. Understanding this can help you see beyond the behavior to the person struggling inside.

3. "Everything They Say is a Lie."
Lying is common in addiction, often to protect the addiction itself. Most lies are about the addictive behavior, not everything. Recognizing this can help differentiate between addiction-related deceit and genuine dishonesty.

4. "I'm an Idiot for Staying/Putting Up with This."
Self-blame is destructive. It's easy for outsiders to judge, but they haven't been in your shoes. Give yourself grace and understand that anyone can find themselves in this situation.

5. "They Don't Care Who They Hurt."
Addicts might minimize or be in denial about the harm they cause. Sometimes, they act out of anger. Recognize that their behavior isn't a true reflection of their feelings.

6. "They're in Complete Denial."
Most addicts have some level of awareness about their problem, even if they don't fully admit it. Look for these seeds of awareness and nurture them.

7. "They're Just a Narcissist."
While some addicts may display narcissistic behaviors, it's essential to distinguish between addiction and true narcissism. The former can be treated; the latter is much harder to change.

8. "No One Ever Beats Addiction."
People overcome addiction every day, often without formal treatment. Don't let negative statistics discourage you.

9. "They're Not Even Trying."
Behavior that fluctuates can seem like a lack of effort, but it often indicates attempts and failures. Even if it’s not visible, your loved one might be trying behind the scenes.

Moving Forward

Identifying and dismissing these sabotaging thoughts can help you stay calm and strategic, ultimately aiding your loved one’s recovery. Visualize these thoughts as "monster mouths" and acknowledge them without letting them control you.

Amber Hollingsworth

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