Rebuilding Intimacy After Addiction: How to Restore Emotional and Physical Connection in Recovery

By Amber Hollingsworth
*Featuring Matt & Sherry Ali from the Intoxicated Podcast

Addiction doesn’t just impact the person struggling—it shakes the foundation of the relationship they’re in. One of the most common challenges couples face in recovery is figuring out how to restore emotional and physical intimacy after addiction has created distance, resentment, and mistrust.

Today, I’m thrilled to share insights from Matt and Sherry Ali, co-hosts of the Intoxicated Podcast, who have walked this path themselves. Matt is in long-term recovery from alcohol use disorder. Together, they’ve faced—and overcome—the unique challenges of rebuilding intimacy after addiction.

They’re here to talk openly about sexual desire discrepancies, emotional safety, and practical steps any couple can take to reconnect.

The Hidden Struggle: Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Recovery

According to Matt and Sherry’...

A Tragic Wake-Up Call: Addiction, Denial, and the Hidden Dangers to Our Children

Last week, I came across a story that sent chills down my spine, and I haven’t been able to shake it since. As someone who works with families impacted by addiction every day, this one hit especially hard. Not just because of the heartbreaking outcome, but because it could easily happen to any family dealing with substance abuse behind closed doors.

I was driving home from work, listening to one of my favorite true crime creators, Stephanie Harlow. Her newest case was about a 2-year-old girl named Parker Chez, who tragically died after being left in a hot car on a day when temperatures soared above 100 degrees. That alone is gut-wrenching, but it’s the addiction component woven into the story that made it feel painfully familiar.

The Hidden Addiction Behind the Headlines

Parker’s father, Christopher, was the primary caregiver while the mother, Erica, a medical professional, was the main breadwinner. ...

The Truth About Helping an Addicted Loved One: 3 Strategies That Actually Work

If you're trying to help someone struggling with addiction, you've probably been given the same old advice over and over again:

• Use tough love and let them hit rock bottom.

• Stage a dramatic intervention.

• Or do nothing and hope they eventually want to change.

But what if there was a better, smarter fourth option?
An approach that doesn't wreck your relationship or your sanity but still moves your loved one toward recovery.

Option #1: The Tough Love Approach

You've probably heard this one before:
"Kick them out. Cut them off. Let them hit bottom."

It's been the go-to strategy for decades. And while it can seem empowering at first, here's the truth:

Tough love has a high emotional cost—and a low success rate.

Let's be real: addiction continues despite consequences. That's the definition of addiction. At the same time, natural consequences can play a role in helping someone see th...

How to Understand and Handle Denial: A Game-Changer for Dealing With Addiction

If you’ve ever felt frustrated trying to help a loved one who just can’t see how bad things have gotten — or if you’ve caught yourself minimizing your own unhealthy behaviors — you’re not alone. There’s a powerful psychological concept that explains this all too well, and once you grasp it, it will forever change how you handle denial in yourself and in others.

Welcome to Put the Shovel Down

Hi, I’m Amber Hollingsworth, creator of Put the Shovel Down — the YouTube channel designed to help you master the science and psychology of addiction so you can stay five steps ahead. With over 20 years of experience helping individuals and families overcome addiction, I’m here to remind you: You are NOT powerless.

Today, we’re digging deep into a truth about denial that most people overlook — and how you can actually work with it, not against it.

The Fancy Word You Already Know: Cognitive Dissonance

Let’s get st...

Alcohol & Social Anxiety: Your Best Friend or Your Frenemy?

We’ve all been there—you want to be social, have fun, and connect with people, but your social anxiety is doing everything in its power to hold you back. Then enters alcohol, promising to be your new best friend, taking the edge off and making socializing easier. But sometimes, alcohol isn’t the friend you think it is. In fact, it can be more like a frenemy—seemingly helping you in the moment but making things worse in the long run.

Does Alcohol Really Help Social Anxiety?

If you experience social anxiety, your goal in social situations is probably to decrease your inhibitions—something alcohol is known to do quite well. But here’s the catch: alcohol doesn’t come with a fine-tuned dial to adjust just how much inhibition gets lowered. Instead, it can throw that dial all the way to the extreme, leaving you vulnerable to missteps you wouldn’t normally make.

Alcohol can make you feel funnier, more charismatic, and charming, ...

What Happens When the Person You Love Most Loses Themselves to Opiate Addiction?

Losing someone to opiate addiction is a heart-wrenching experience—especially when that person is your partner, your confidant, the one you vowed to stand by through thick and thin. In this post, we explore the unique challenges and emotional turmoil faced by those who love someone battling opioid addiction. Whether you're just starting to notice signs or have been grappling with this crisis for years, understanding the insidious nature of opiate addiction can be the first step toward reclaiming your life and protecting your family.

Understanding the Hidden Nature of Opiate Addiction

One of the most perplexing aspects of opioid addiction is its ability to hide in plain sight. Unlike other addictions, the early stages of opiate dependency can be deceptive:

• Subtle Behavioral Changes:
  Many people assume that if someone isn’t visibly intoxicated, there’s nothing to worry about. With opiate addictio...

Do Addicts Mean the Hurtful Things They Say? Understanding Addiction and Empathy

Have you ever wondered, Do addicts mean the hurtful things they say? If so, you’re not alone. This is a question I recently received from a viewer, and I know many of you may be struggling with the same concern.

So, let’s break it down—do they mean it? The answer is yes, no, and sometimes. Confusing, right? Let’s dive deeper so you can understand when they mean it when they don’t and why addiction often seems to strip away empathy.

How Addiction Affects Thoughts, Emotions, and Behavior

People in active addiction are often operating from a place of intoxication, desperation, or defensiveness—and all three can impact what they say and how they act. Understanding these states can help you make sense of their words and behavior.

1. Intoxication: Truth, Distortion, and No Filter

Substances like alcohol and drugs alter brain function, making it hard for a person to regulate their emotions and thoughts.

Setting Boundaries with a Loved One Struggling with Addiction: Avoid These 3 Common Mistakes

Loving someone with an addiction is incredibly difficult and heartbreaking. Of course, you want to help them, but you also have to protect yourself. And as you probably already know, that can be very, very challenging. Keep reading to discover crucial tips on avoiding the top three most common boundary mistakes—and what to do instead.

These top three boundary mistakes might not be what you’re expecting, so stay with me—there’s logic behind them.

Boundary Mistake #1: Setting Too Many Boundaries

When you love someone with an addiction, their substance use impacts not just them but you, too. It’s completely natural to want to control their behavior in an attempt to shield yourself from the chaos. This often leads to setting too many boundaries—rules about what they can and cannot do, expecting them to comply.

But here’s the catch: boundaries are about what you will and won’t accept, not a...

Loving an Addict: How It Impacts You and How to Take Back Control

Loving an addict or alcoholic can make you feel like you're losing your mind. While "crazy" may not be a clinical term, it's the only word that captures the emotional chaos so many of us experience in these situations. You lose yourself, your sense of stability, and sometimes, even your identity. If this resonates with you, know you're not alone—and you're in the right place.

I’m Amber Hollingsworth, a master addiction counselor with over 20 years of experience. On my YouTube channel, I aim to help families navigate the impact of addiction. We will unpack the emotional toll of loving someone with addiction, the mental rollercoaster you’re on, and—most importantly—how to start reclaiming your sanity.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

When you're closely connected to someone struggling with addiction, your emotional brain (your limbic system) syncs up with theirs. It's almost magnetic. Ever notice how being around anxiou...

Gray Area Thinking: Understanding Addiction on the Spectrum

Addiction isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. It exists on a spectrum, with a gray area between casual use and full-blown addiction. This "gray area thinking" is where many people find themselves—not sure if their substance use is problematic, yet not identifying as an addict or alcoholic. If that resonates with you, you’re in the right place.

In today’s blog, we’ll explore gray area thinking, how it differs from gray area drinking, and what you can do if you’re navigating this confusing middle ground.

Signs of Gray Area Thinking

Gray area thinking often involves conflicting feelings about your substance use. You may:

1. Vacillate between concern and dismissal – You promise yourself to cut back but later convince yourself it's not a big deal.
2. Avoid discussing your substance use – Fear of judgment or pressure to change makes you reluctant to open up.
3. Experience negative impacts – Your substance use may not dominate you...