The Only Way To Get A Functional Alcoholic/Addict Out Of Denial
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[00:00:00] The only way to get a functional alcoholic or a functional addict out of denial is to stop helping them be functional. Yes, there's a lot of things you're doing, if you're the loved one, family member, friend, that's probably making it worse. You're making the denial last longer and it's because you're helping make sure that they stay Functional.
So in this video, I'm going to be telling you ways to stop helping them be in denial But before I do that, I do want to say that there is a little piece of good news here. The little piece of good news is dealing with someone in denial actually isn't the worst thing at all. The worst thing is when someone completely knows they're an addict or an alcoholic.
They're just like full out there. They, maybe they've already lost everything and they just don't care. And they just Resulted themselves to this is who I am and this is what my life is going to be Now i'm not saying those people never change they can and do [00:01:00] change sometimes But it feels like the worst thing when you're living with someone who has an addiction that why can't they see it?
This is the worst thing ever. Why won't they just admit it? But the good news is if they're in denial, it means they don't want to be An addict or an alcoholic, which is good. And it also means if they're still in that functional category, that they have some important things in their life that they don't want to lose and that they don't want to mess up.
So actually dealing with a functional addict or alcoholic in denial, it's actually a pretty good place to be. I find it a lot easier to work with these people who are in this functional category than I do. I'm working with these people who've just almost like. giving up and giving into it because the denial is going to go away at one point or the other.
Eventually they're going to see it. Now , there are things you can do to help speed that up. Most of the time when I deal with people, I have to deal with people who don't want to see me, who don't think they have a problem, who are furious with their families, and there are still things that I can do to help pull [00:02:00] them out of denial. But there's even more things that you as the family member can do to get them out of denial.
I say bringing them to see me and getting me to do it. People think that I can fast track it, which there are things I can do. But the family, you guys can fast track it like 1000 times faster than I am because even when I'm dealing with a person who's in denial, I'm using all my fancy skills on them. If you're not on board, and you're not doing this plan that I'm about to tell you.
You're slowing it down you're, you can make it last for years and years if you want to. So the key is to stop helping them stay functional. So let's talk about how to do that. This is going to go against all of your instincts and I'm the thing I'm not going to say here. I'm not going to say throw them out because.
That's a hard, I'm not saying that you shouldn't throw them out. You totally can throw them out. But a lot of families just aren't ready or willing to do that. They don't feel like it's the right thing and sometimes it's not the right thing. So I'm not here to make you do this like tough love, throw someone out thing.
You make that [00:03:00] decision not because you're trying to get them out of denial. You make that decision because you or the family who lives in the house cannot tolerate whatever is happening in the house. You make that decision for you, not for them. So that's a whole another talk.
I've got some videos on it if you want to see them. All right, so there's a lot of things you're doing that you probably don't even recognize you're doing. Ready? Here's examples. You're making sure they don't miss important events. You're reminding them. You're pestering them. You're nagging them. You are making excuses for them when they don't show up to important events, whether it's work or family events or holiday functions or social gatherings.
You are Making excuses for their behavior because you see they're doing something inappropriate or embarrassing or out of bounds and you're trying to buffer it in some way, all of these things you're doing for a good reason. You're coming from a good place in your heart about it but these are the things that you're doing.
That's making sure that the person stays functional, which in [00:04:00] their mind makes them think, I don't know why everybody's on my case. I got to work every day. I go to school. I make grades. I provide for my family, whatever it is. But in most cases, when you get with a functional actor, alcoholic, the family is doing so much to prop this person up and keep them functional that again, that's what's keeping them stuck.
It's scary to let. To take your hands off of it and let those consequences come in. because some of the consequences are big. But if you don't stop shielding all the consequences, then why are you so like surprised and angry that they don't see that there's a problem? You're mad because you're doing all the work.
You're handling all the responsibilities, you're fixing everything, you're running interference, you're doing all the stuff, and then mad that they can't see the problem. When you step back and you look at it that way, you're like, oh, that does make sense. Because I'm functioning for them. If you're watching live or even on the playback, put in the comments or chat what are some things, if you're the family member, [00:05:00] that you have done or are doing that's propping your loved one up and keeping them functional?
And if you're watching this and you are the person who has or does struggle with an addiction, what are some of the things that your family is doing or has done that propped you up that sort of kept you in that denial? How about cleaning up their messes? Now that can be their messes. Like literally their physical messes in the house.
Like they get you know, drunk, they get up, they go in the kitchen, they start making all this food, they pull out all this mess, and put their dishes everywhere, and their alcohol cans, and their, paraphernalia of other sorts, all that stuff. You're cleaning it all up. Depending on what substance they're using, a lot of times I don't even remember how crazy they acted night before.
And if when they finally wake up, they get up and the place is clean, Guess what? You're helping them to not see the problem. But you can also be cleaning up other kinds of messes. You know the kind of messes I'm talking about. Financial messes, interpersonal messes, work messes, school messes. Anytime you're cleaning up the [00:06:00] messes, Again you're making the picture look a way that it's really not, and that's not helping the situation.
Not only that, but when you do that, when you're cleaning up the messes, and you're being responsible, it makes you so mad at the person. You're so frustrated because you're at your wit's end. You're exhausted, and you're tired, and you've wore out from it, that not only are you painting this picture for them that's not real, but you're also, you're acting ugly.
Because you're frustrated, you've been run over, you feel taken advantage of, you're holding up all of the responsibilities, yours, theirs, and everybody else's, and that causes you to have these resentments and act out in a really negative way. Now, sometimes it's Saying negative things and being nasty and being sarcastic.
But sometimes it's just being passive aggressive and making these little dig comments every now and then. Either which way, it's making you act nasty, which if you guys have seen my videos on the most enabling thing you can do, that's the thing. It's the acting nasty, the being passive [00:07:00] aggressive, the being sarcastic, because it puts you in the bad guy role.
So it's a double whammy when you're doing all the responsibilities, you're painting the bad picture, or not the bad picture, but the irrational picture, the not realistic picture for the person, and you're acting mad because you're mad that you have to do all that. Now you've painted the exact wrong...
You created the exact wrong scenario to get someone out of denial because all they're going to see is that you're a crazy lunatic. And I don't know why you're so upset because they're still doing all the stuff like grades aren't that bad or they're still going to work or whatever it is, that's what you're doing is you're literally creating the opposite scenario for what it takes to get someone to know. And that's what I mean when I say you can bring them to me and I can use all my fancy skills. I have some skills, I can do that and I can gently bring them along.
But if you're creating this false reality at home, then it makes it really hard. For me to do my job because you're keeping them stuck. I know you don't mean to. I know you're doing what you instinctually want to do because you [00:08:00] love them and you care about them and you're trying to protect them.
And what you're really trying to do is you're trying to make sure that they don't make some kind of mess or burn some kind of bridge that's so big that they can't come back from. You're trying to make sure they don't totally self destruct. You're trying to get them to wake up and see the problem.
Before they do permanent damage, but it's that issue that's making it stay longer. Let's see I got a whole list of things over here. You're paying their bills, you're shielding them from other people, like if this is your spouse and the kids are really upset with them, you're running interference, you're making excuses, mom just had a hard day,
you're telling people that what they're seeing isn't actually happening. You're making excuses for other people about them. And you're also making excuses to your loved one about the other people. This running interference thing is a big, giant problem. You're making sure that they show up to everything they're supposed to show up for.
You're calling the school when they've blown it and [00:09:00] you ask for the extra credit. You write the school note to make sure that they, Get excused for all those absences when they didn't show up and they're out doing whatever they're doing. You see what I mean when I say running interference? Most recently, as in this week, and I get this more and more often, but I had a lot of it this week and it was actually exciting.
It's a good thing. I had several new several new clients this week. Some of them in our new 4 week strength based coaching program and when I meet new clients. I'm prepared to start at the very beginning because I've just been doing this forever. So I'm just prepared for them to come in and tell me like they don't have no problem and everybody's crazy.
That's where I'm at because that's what I'm used to. But like literally these days the people that come into my office and that get on because I know I talk to people everywhere now so a lot of times it's Zoom but same difference come to my office or come on Zoom with me. Like it's like a miracle. I get these people they call me up and say, Amber, you got to help me.
Like I'm ruining my life. I don't even know what I'm doing. I'm just embarrassing myself. What the [00:10:00] heck? And they're just like telling me how bad the problem is. They're telling me, and even better than that, even better than that, they're telling me how you, the family members have been so nice lately and so supportive and so kind and that how much they really appreciate you and that they're thankful for you guys.
You've just set me up perfectly. It's you're standing at the top of the basketball goal, holding the ball there for me. You put the ladder up and I just have to go out and tap it in. That's what it feels like on my end. It's so exciting because you've brought them because you're doing what we teach you to do in these videos and you're doing what we teach you in the Invisible Intervention.
Man, those Invisible Intervention clients, by the time they get to me, they're already half done. And I love it because. You guys are putting in the work, you're doing what I'm telling you to do, getting out of the bad guy role, and you're letting some of these consequences fall into place, and I'm telling you, by the time they show up in my office, even if they don't show up in my office, they show up at a treatment center, or in another addiction counselor's office, or in a meeting of some sort, they're [00:11:00] ready, and you've sped up the process, usually.
And not only have you sped up the process years by doing what I'm telling you to do right now in this video is you've not only gotten them to get help, but once they get that help I'm telling you they're so ready that it sticks. better. You've removed all the obstacles. You've shown the clear picture.
You've been very kind and sweet as you can possibly be about it. And I'm telling you, this formula works. Those of you that are doing the invisible intervention, it feels at first, like when you start using these techniques, it feels I'm being nice and my relationships with them is better, but they're still drinking or they're still using.
I'm like, I'm not sure if this is working. I'm like, oh, it's working because that's the formula you want. You want the relationship to be better and the addiction to continue so that they can see What's really happening here, because it's after that, usually, sometimes it's just a few weeks.
Sometimes it's a few months, but [00:12:00] not too long after that, they start to come to terms with the reality of the situation. And if you can do this before. If you can help them get out of denial, like before they really do lose everything, then you've helped people get clean, get sober, get their life back on track before they lose everything.
And that's my goal. The whole goal of this channel is to help people be addiction before they hit bottom, before they lose everything, before they destroy their family, before they destroy their career, because that's silly. That old school idea about waiting until you lose everything. That's the dumbest thing.
That's why this channel is called put the shovel down. You hit your bottom and you put your shovel down. You can decide to do that any time you want to. You do not have to wait till everything terrible happens. Because most people They hit several bottoms is what happens and a lot of bad things happen.
All they have to do is realize that there's an old recovery term for it's called raising the [00:13:00] bottom instead of letting them dig and dig and dig, you're raising the bottom so they can see what's happening. So you can put that down and they can quit.
Sometimes they can quit on their own or they can get help if they need to get help, or, I can talk to them and then I can. Yeah. Be so excited because you set me up all I got to do is spike the volleyball over at this point because you've done it the right way. You've set up the right situation and so many of you out there are being very successful at this and I know because I'm seeing the results of it on my end.
I've talked to a young person this week who couldn't be in a more active stage of change was ready to do the hard work. I talked to a spouse this week who was. Very clearly remorseful and had so much humility and really wanted to do better and could see accurately how this was affecting their family.
What happens is you want to tell them they're ruining their life. You want to tell them they're ruining their family, but that doesn't go so well. It's[00:14:00] a shoot the messenger kind of situation. When you do that, all they say is that you're just being a jerk. So you have to step out of the way and let them see that is what is happening.
Those of you who've tried these techniques that we talk about on this channel or if you're in the Invisible Intervention, if you have seen the kind of progress, the kind of thing that I'm talking about, please let us know that in the comments or the chats because it gives other people hope to say, yeah, like I can get my loved one out of this.
Tell us what it was like in the beginning. Tell us what you did and tell us what it's like now. It's not a perfect scenario. People don't just wake up one day and it's all over. But what happens is, you start to see, it's like those layers of denial start to peel back and peel back until they're really ready.
So let me be clear. The only way to get a functional addict or alcoholic out of denial is to stop helping them be functional. And sometimes that means their life is going to get uncomfortable, and it might even mean they lose a job, and it might even mean they flunk [00:15:00] out of college, and it might even mean that the kid won't talk to them.
And I hate that, but as long as those other things are in place, as long as the kids think they're great, and they're going to school, or they're going to work, and everybody thinks they're wonderful. then it doesn't make sense for them to see that it's a problem. They're actually being the rational one.
They just don't realize that you're the one holding the pieces together for them in a lot of cases. Making sure they get up when they're hung over. All those things that we do try to help. Now when they do experience these consequences that you're going to step out of the way of, I want you to be empathetic about it.
, I know you're going to want to say, I told you but don't do it because if you give the, I told you or the sarcasm or something like that, you literally step back in front of the viewpoint and you want them to have that really good view, like a mountain range. You want them to see the whole big picture.
Don't be blocking the view by saying something sarcastic or slimy. Say, that really sucks. I know you really like that job. Say I know [00:16:00] you can fix this. I see you're in a bad situation, but I know you're going to fix this. Help them by being empathetic. Not only does it not block the view, but it actually activates the learning part of someone's brain.
When you show empathy for someone's problems, they learn faster. When you don't show empathy for someone's problems, it activates the defensive part of their brain, which turns off the learning part of their brain. There's just. Reason after reason why these techniques work, biological, psychological, systems, all these things are the reasons why this is the fastest, most effective way to get it to work.
As always, I have put. Resources in the description, if you are dealing with someone in denial and they live with you and you're trying to get them out and all faster, you definitely want to look at our invisible intervention course, because that's what it's designed to do.
It can work if the person doesn't live with you, if you have regular contact with them, but I'll tell you, it does work best if. If they're living with you and you have regular contact [00:17:00] communication, that kind of stuff with them, it works best that way. If you're loved, if you're watching this, and your loved 1 is literally like homeless on the street using drugs, like stage 4 all the way hardcore.
alcoholic, then you're not dealing with someone in denial. You're dealing with someone who's given up. And so your role in that shifts a little bit. It's a little bit different and you're going to want to use different techniques. The techniques you want to use is help, help them find their hope again, help them see that this isn't who they are, help them see that there is a way out because there's always a way out.
My thing is, if you're still alive, you're still in the game. That's it. We're not done until it's over. Even if they're at that really far progressed state, there are things you can do. The things I'm telling you today are the things you do when someone still thinks that they don't have a problem and they still have, maybe not everything functioning well, but a lot of things functioning well.
This is the strategy. And so the link to that invisible intervention is in the description and we also have a whole playlist dealing with someone to do. I'm going to link up here at the end of this [00:18:00] video. So you guys can check that out because there's lots more information on it. Let's see here.
Let's say hello to everybody. DJA Travel says they're in and out of denial that's right. That's true. And that's almost like when you see someone come in and out of denial it's mind boggling to watch from the outside because you're like yesterday you got it.
It's like it got erased from the brain. Like men in black style came up and did that like little pin thing in front of their face. What happened? Yesterday you got it and today you don't. , it'll make you a little bit crazy from the outside looking in. Let's see.
Ashley says, yes. Sadly, my mom says she drinks and that's who she is. Take it or leave it. She told me her grandchildren that there is no love there and she doesn't need us. Wow. That's really harsh. Is she saying that Ashley? Because she's this is just who I am and y'all need to quit being critical and I'm fine.
There's nothing wrong with me. Or she just saying, I don't care. I'm an alcoholic and I don't need y'all anyway. Is it the denial kind of saying that, or is it the minimizing saying that what. What do you think is [00:19:00] when she makes those statements and has those thoughts?
Three months sober, Isaac! Congrats! That is fantastic. So proud of you. Tell us what the key is. Give us the magic answer.
That says, took me 20 years to know I was an enabler. I tried to stop my husband from drinking, but he was a functional alcoholic and I never knew how bad he was. That's a really good point , because usually whatever you as the family member know is just the tip of the iceberg anyway. Almost all the people that I see, clients I see that are drinking or using a lot of their use is sneaking, even if the family knows they do whatever a lot of it is sneaking.
So you usually only do know the tiny tip of it. And you're already freaking out knowing that. So sometimes you don't even want to know what's under that. Because it's ugly. This one says my. Husband is a high functioning and there aren't really any consequences. He does go late to work, but he can get away with it. Eventually it will be his health. I am detaching, , but then we lose any connection and he doesn't seem to mind being alone. There's always more [00:20:00] consequences there than you think.
In almost all situations, people, deep down inside, when I, when, they open up to me and they talk, they have their own personal reasons for wanting to be better. And they know, at minimum, they know that this isn't my best self and I can do better. And they have this layer of shame around it.
If it's addiction or alcoholism, there will be consequences. It is the nature of the beast. If there's not, it's not addiction and it will come. Sometimes it feels like it's not coming fast enough for you as the family member. So you try to push it and that's what slows it down.
And that's why they don't mind being alone because they're like, go away because coast is clear and I can drink and use more. Rhonda says doing their laundry, gift cards, and Walmart, paying traffic fines, and that kind of thing. Yeah, just propping them up. And I'm not telling you it's not okay to help someone out with something every now and then, but if you're, if they think they're functioning fine, but really you're doing the functioning, then you're helping keep him in denial.
I'm glad you gave us that example. That's a good one.
Heather says Husband is almost sober [00:21:00] eight months and now ten months into a relapse I try not to do anything, but he has blamed me for everything and I think that keeps him in denial. Yeah, it's almost always the closest family member. So whether that's the spouse The parent it's usually the one closest.
It's usually the one that cares the most. I'm trying the hardest that they blame, which totally seems unfair. It's totally unfair.
Jenny says letting them live in my home for a minimal contribution even when they're drinking. Yeah So it's like they pay something super minimal or they take the trash out once a month or something Is that what you're saying?
Let's see Austin reacts to everything. Love your channel. I just hit four and a half years from meth heroin and pills, dude I love that. Thank you for the feedback. But even more than that Thank you for giving us hope by telling us that you are four and a half years sober from meth heroin and pills That pretty much covers the gamut, right?
Meth, heroin, pills. So you're hearing from Austin that he walked away from all of it. And he's four and a half years walked away. So it can be done. Tell us what you did to make that happen, Austin.
Elvis [00:22:00] Bailey Spirit. Okay. Knowing he's misusing prescription pills and not having the energy to confront him. The confronting someone is it enabling to not be confronting them? That's a complicated question. If you confront in the wrong way, then you end up being in the bad guy role, and that's actually more enabling than not saying anything.
There is a way to confront. I have on this channel, I have some, I have a video that is specifically about how and when to confront if you're going to confront, like making a decision. Is it the right time? Is it going to be helpful? And if so, how do I do it? So make sure you check out that video.
KB says, I've done everything I can not to be in the bad guy roll. I don't nag or yell or anything, but he uses the past mistakes to keep me in the back. Eye roll. He blames me for everything in our marriage. You may have already done this, kb because I say this sometimes on these videos, but if you've made past mistakes, you just own them and you say, I know I've, I know I've done that.
And I haven't always responded in the most helpful way, but I'm trying to do better. And then if it keeps happening, and you've already [00:23:00] really tried to own it, then you can say, it's really hard that you bring up all my past mistakes when I'm trying to change because I'm trying hard not to bring up all your past mistakes.
You're making a process comment, you're making them aware of what's happening, and you're not letting that gaslighting technique work on you.
Black Candle says, I've been waiting to catch your live so I can ask what to do if they seem to overdo everything. From fave food to fave drugs. Leave one to the other. These are becoming overwhelming. You're probably dealing with someone this isn't like a clinical term, but it's a common term addicted personality.
I would actually label myself that way. I, Pretty much go overboard on mostly everything I do so I can relate food making YouTube videos, planning a birthday party, going on a vacation. I just want to do it all to the maximum. It's just who I am. What you do in that situation is you help that person see that.
Yes, they do have that quality. But it's not necessarily a bad quality. In fact, it's the same quality that can make someone uber [00:24:00] successful. That don't stop until I hit the goal. That have tons and tons of energy to devote to something. That obsessiveness can sometimes even be a good quality. I have a video on this channel called addiction is really just a hidden superpower.
Check out that video, take a look at it. And if you think that your loved one would be responsive to it, maybe help them see that because it really is a, it's a positive thing. It's just that if you're using it for addiction, you're using it in the wrong direction. You're not going to get a person like that to be balanced.
So don't try. Just try to redirect it.
See, Pat says my 46 year old son has been drinking for 25 years, very functional, has his own place, pays his own bills, just finished pay for his car, and has been at his employers for over 15 years, doesn't miss work, very functional. He's very much a loner, avoids family because of his drinking. But we almost lost him two times over the past year because he tried to quit ICU for four or five days both times.
We can talk three or four times a day. He just doesn't want help.[00:25:00] We have a great conversation. We never argue.
What I would say to you, Pat, about that is even though Your son is very functional. I'm not sure that he's in denial because he's tried to stop twice and ended up in the ICU. So my guess is that he knows it's a problem. Now, he may be saying, I don't want help, but I'm guessing that. That he's very much aware that it is a problem.
In a situation like this is not a denial situation so much as it is a, some kind of fear avoidance of getting help maybe going to detox because what's happening is instead of getting medical detox, he's trying to himself. And if it's alcohol, it's very dangerous and you can end up with a seizure like it can be life threatening.
So that's what's happening. This isn't denial. This is a, I'm afraid to talk to a counselor. I don't want to go to detox or I'm afraid they're going to lock me up or something. If I do, or make me do something I don't want to. In this kind of situation, what you want to do is you want to help smooth that path to getting some help and help them see that it's not nearly as scary or bad or terrible as they [00:26:00] think and that they will still have control over their own situation.
It's about helping them take that step and making it be less scary. Glynis says, what can you do when they are homeless and have been there for most of their life? I have a 32 year old son that has been homeless for the biggest part of 10 years. See, to me, Glynis this is a bigger issue than someone who's in denial, even though It may feel like dealing with denial is the worst.
This is the hardest because this is somebody who's decided that I'm fine with this. This is just who I am. Like, literally, this is my life and I'm just going to let it play out. When they've already lost everything, that's the hardest position to be in because there's nothing to leverage.
There's nothing to say. Get some help or else sometimes if they're in the situation. The 1 thing they do have left is the sort of freedom. And so occasionally they'll get arrested or charged or something like that. And that's a good opportunity to leverage them into treatment. But I would have to hear a little more about your situation.
Like, why is it that they are fine with the situation? Is it. Because they're just fine with it. They're cool with it. Is it because[00:27:00] they're so depressed They just don't care what happened to this to them. Is it because they're scared of treatment for some reason? So if we could find out what the obstacle was Could probably come up with a strategy on how to the best way to try to get around that
LH says I have a question if the person can regulate their drug abuse and everything is going well. Is that still addiction or a problem? Depends on what you mean by regulate their drug use, most people in stage 3 addiction can regulate it sometimes, but other times the dam breaks and it doesn't stay regulated very well.
The official answer to that is if they really truly do regulate it all the time and everything is going well, it probably is not addiction. The unofficial answer to that is if someone is using a substance. A lot of it and it's addictive substance. It eventually they'll lose the ability to regulate it and it probably will become a problem, but you may have to wait until they're at least.
Some consequences in order to help the person see that there's an issue, but you guys know I have the sketch So I'm sketch on do they really [00:28:00] regulate it? That's what I want to know So I don't know if you're talking about yourself or someone else LH, but my question do you really regulate it? And what does that mean?
Sometimes most of the time all the time. What does regulate mean? I only drink every day I need more. Smiley says question. My spouse has always insisted he doesn't have a drinking problem up until March was sneak drinking a fifth vodka a day. It was brought out and he went to Christian counseling and he.
Stopped. He has slowly started again. He says he shouldn't have quit. He can handle it. Last night, he probably had four or five highballs, thinks he's fine. What do you think? What I think is that your spouse knew long before it all got brought out that he'd have a problem. He's drinking, what was it you said, a fifth of vodka a day.
That's quite a bit. And I'm sure they were probably like sneak drinking that. And my guess is they knew they had a problem, but they kept telling themselves they could fix it. And then they got some counseling, they got help, they got better. And then what happens is they convince themselves that they can drink.
They just won't drink like they used to drink. [00:29:00] So they convince themselves they'll manage it differently. They slide back into denial. And so you want to use the same steps, the same ones as you use before the same ones we're talking about in this video. to get them back out of denial. Sometimes you'll do this several times before they learn nope, it always ends up same way eventually every time.
Shannon says, requesting a video or direction to one that addresses trading out addictions. My husband has traded out addiction one for the other. I feel like he has no healthy coping skills. If this isn't what you mean by trading out addictions like I quit cocaine but I'm still drinking or something, is that the kind of thing you mean?
Or do you mean I quit drinking, but now I'm using nicotine and using caffeine like crazy? If it's the latter, I probably wouldn't do much about it to be honest. If it's the first one, quit one majorly addictive substance that's causing a lot of problems and start in another, then it's called bargaining and you still want to do the same thing.
They're thinking, oh, it was this drug causing your problem, not that drug. I just need to stop this one. That's part of the bargaining process. Part of the denial [00:30:00] layers.
Cars and crypto says I have realistic expectations of my addicted or alcoholic husband. I have been going to Al Anon for a while and I know the three C's. Those of you don't know the three C's, but Al Anon, they are, you can't... You didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it.
I think that's what those are. Yet over the past year, she has gone from a handle a day to a pint and recently stopped for 30 days. That's those are good signs. That's like I'm trying to figure out how to get this problem under control. So it doesn't happen all at once. It starts with all these trial and error things like what you're seeing in your loved ones.
So those are good signs.
Actually says, I'm more of someone who tries to regulate that works for me, though. I go years and years without alcohol. It's better that way. Live and learn. Thank you. Yeah, you do have to live and learn. You do have to trial and error and figure out what works for you. Most people try to regulate it for years.
and they have some success, but eventually they learn it's just so [00:31:00] freaking hard and it ultimately doesn't work consistently enough to make it worth it. That's what most people figure out. All right, everybody. Don't forget if you are dealing with and living with someone in denial or very close to them and you want the step by step process for getting them out of it, I've got the link for Invisible Intervention in the description.
