A Caregiver's Guide On The Tolls Of Loving An Addict

Running on Empty: How to Refill Your Cup When Supporting a Loved One with Addiction

Supporting someone struggling with addiction is one of the toughest roads to walk. You love them, you care for them, and you want to help them through this dark journey. But let’s be real: you’re exhausted, anxious, and maybe even resentful. You're running on fumes, and then you stumble upon advice to “stay positive” or “listen more patiently.” And you think to yourself, "How am I supposed to do that when I’ve got nothing left to give?"

The Empty Cup Dilemma

You’ve probably heard the saying: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” And right now, your cup is bone dry. In this guide, we’re going to talk about how to refill your emotional reserves so you can continue being the supportive, loving person you want to be. Your needs matter, too.

I’m Amber Hollingsworth, a Master Addiction Counselor, and on my YouTube channel, Put The Shovel Down, I focus on both perspectives: the person dealing with addiction and the family members who love them. In this post, we’ll zero in on you — because to stay five steps ahead of addiction, you need your emotional and mental resources intact.

Why “Self-Care” Isn’t Just a Buzzword

I get it — the term “self-care” might sound corny or cliché. But here’s the deal: it works. Think of self-care as fuel for your emotional gas tank. Let’s break it down into categories that matter:

1. Mental Breaks
   Addiction can consume your thoughts 24/7. It’s natural to feel anxious or even obsessed. But you need to make a conscious decision to step away from those thoughts.

   • Redirect yourself when you feel the spiral starting.
   • Schedule times where you focus on something else entirely: a book, a show, or just a peaceful walk.
   • It’s okay to give yourself permission to pause.

2. Physical Health
   Your body needs care to support your mind.

   • Eat well and exercise regularly — even a 20-minute walk can work wonders.
   • Engage in hobbies that energize you: yoga, dance classes, or even trivia night with friends.
   • Don’t cancel your life to “babysit” the situation. You can’t control their recovery by staying home.

3. Financial Boundaries
   Addiction can wreak havoc on finances. Maybe you’re helping too much or covering for responsibilities they should handle.

   • Set limits on how much financial help you offer.
   • Avoid creating financial stress for yourself or resentment with other family members.
   • Remember: You need stability, too.

4. Emotional Limits
   You love them, but you don’t need to be a 24/7 emotional sponge.

   • Set boundaries around how much you listen or engage when they’re venting.
   • Limit late-night calls or conversations that drain you.
   • Boundaries aren’t about control; they’re about protection.

Practical Tips for Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries isn’t easy, especially if you’re conflict-avoidant or a people pleaser. Here’s a tip: use an Accusation Audit. Acknowledge their perspective first, then set your boundary. For example:

“I know this might seem unfair, and I’ve helped a lot in the past, but I can’t keep doing this.”

It’s honest, and it sets a clear limit.

Give Yourself Grace

Let’s be real: you won’t handle this perfectly, and that’s okay. You’re human. You might lose your patience, say the wrong thing, or slip into the “bad guy” role. It happens. The important thing is to:

• Forgive yourself when you mess up.
• Remember, if you’re mostly following healthy strategies, you’re doing well.
• You don’t need to be perfect to be helpful.

Seek Support That Feels Right

Sometimes, hearing “You need support” can feel insulting. You’re not the one with the problem, right? But having a loved one with an addiction is a problem on your plate.

Support comes in different forms:

1. Community Support: Talking to people who truly get it can lighten your load.
2. Professional Advice: Counselors or coaches can give you specific guidance tailored to your situation.

At Put The Shovel Down, we offer:

• A free Facebook group for family members.
• A coaching community for personalized advice and support.

Remember to Refuel

Supporting someone through addiction is draining. Refill your cup with mental breaks, physical health, financial security, and emotional boundaries. You deserve to live a full life, even while helping someone you love.

What helps you stay sane in this journey? Drop your suggestions in the comments — your tip might be exactly what someone else needs.

If you’re battling fear of relapse, check out my video HERE. It’s a must-watch for tackling anxiety and reclaiming peace.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:

🆓FREE Downloadable Resources: https://www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/free-resources

🙋🏻‍♀️FB group for family members: https://www.facebook.com/groups/familyrecoverysupport

📆Make An Appointment With One Of Our Specialists: https://www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/consultations

Get 10% off Virtual Counseling with our sponsor BetterHelp 👇🏻 https://betterhelp.com/PutTheShovelDown

💯Incredibly accurate personality tests that light up your life—at home, at work, and in relationships 👉🏻 https://www.truity.com/?a=5122460

📚Amazon Book Recommendations: https://www.amazon.com/shop/addictionrecoveryresources-hopeforfamilies