So your spouse finally admits that they have a drinking problem but refuse treatment. This kind of situation is a lot more common than you might think. I'm going to tell you three things you should ask for if you face this dilemma.
But before we go much further, Let's discuss why this is a common dilemma—going into treatment, like 30, 60, or 90 days of treatment, is the last thing someone will agree to address an addiction problem.
As frustrating as it is, if you stop and think about it, it's understandable.
You're away from family and can't work for 30 days or more. Then, you get told when you can eat and what to do; people ask many questions, and it's not something you look forward to doing.
If you're in the dilemma of having a spouse who acknowledges they have a drinking problem but don't want to go to treatment, I want you to recognize why they might be frustrated. It doesn't mean that you agree with them or that you think it is the right decision, but listening to them, and having some empathy for their situation, trying to see where they're coming from will gain their trust. They'll feel more heard and understood, putting you in a much better position to ask for one or all of these three things I am about to tell you.
If you've already tried to talk to your spouse about going to treatment, and they've said no, then now is a good time to ask, "Would you be willing to talk to a counselor or a coach? You could even do it virtually if you wanted to."
The reason it's an excellent strategic time to ask that question is that they've just said no to this big, high-level thing you're asking. So when you come in with this offer, it's going to seem like a pretty good deal, and they're going to feel like they got off the hook. They may have been resistant or reluctant to talk to someone before. However, at this point, they may be more open to it.
The second thing you should try to negotiate here is to say, "Okay, I can understand where you're coming from." Reflect on what they told you about their reasoning, but then say, "But if your way doesn't work, then will you agree to get more help?"
NOW is an excellent time to get their buy-in and an agreement that if doing it their way doesn't work, they will consider doing it another way.
You should consider asking them to get on a Soberlink.
I've been using Soberlink with my clients for years and years and years, long before I had a YouTube channel. I found that it's one of the most effective techniques for helping people get sober that's out there. So many of my clients have gotten sober using the Soberlink when otherwise they would've had to go to like big 30, 60, or 90-day treatment. It is an excellent tool because it allows you to get sober, stay in your home environment, continue going to work, and learn to live sober in a familiar atmosphere, which is a huge plus!
You're probably thinking, what the heck is a Soberlink, and how does it work? Well, it's a fancy high-tech breathalyzing device. But it's not just your average Breathalyzing device because you can get those anywhere. So you get this device, and you and whoever you're working with, whether it's Soberlink, the company, your counselor, or your spouse, will devise a schedule to be breathalyzed.
Now, why Soberlink versus just a regular Breathalyzing device? Yes, you could have someone breathalyzed three times a day from a standard device, but this is on a schedule, which means it's automated. You don't have to ask your spouse to do it and start a fight. You can leave all that awkwardness behind because they will know when to take the test. It's not sneaky. You're not trying to trick them. You're trying to prevent the drinking, not catch it.
How does the schedule work: They'll get a text message on their phone 15 minutes before their test. So, for example, if you and your spouse agreed that they would take a test at 8:00 AM, they would get a text message at 7:45 AM telling them that they have an eight 8:00 test, and they would have up to an hour after that. If they miss a test, are late on a test, or are positive on a test, then an accountability person can also receive a text message that lets them know that. So in the case of my clients, that message goes to me, but it can go to anyone you designate, a supportive friend, a mentor, a sponsor, their counselor, or their coach.
I know what you're thinking, but remember, I want you to be five steps ahead. Are you worried they'll have someone else take the test or cheat? I knew you'd be thinking that! That's what I love about Soberlink.
It has facial recognition, similar to your phone's technology. So Soberlink knows that it's you taking the test.
Many of my clients say that Soberlink has benefited them because their spouse isn't spying on them anymore. It gives them much more freedom and independence than they would otherwise have.
Now, the most important thing I want to tell you is that if you choose to use Soberlink, you need to look at this as a prevention tool, NOT a; I'm trying to catch you tool.
You're not trying to trick them. They know when the tests are coming. You're trying to make it easier on them and more manageable on yourself.
Now, if your spouse hasn't entirely admitted to you that they have a drinking problem, or they just flat out deny it. Please watch these videos next because they talk about how to get out of denial and into these stages of change where they might then come to you and say, I think I have a drinking problem. At this time, you will be perfectly set to handle the situation with confidence.