The most powerful thing you can say to someone with an addiction is a question, and the question is, "What do you think?"
I know, you're thinking, Amber, I already know what they believe, and they are all wrong. They just don't get it.
If you think that, there's possibly a little truth in that statement that maybe they don't get it, or perhaps they're wrong about some things, but that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if they're right or they're wrong. What matters is what they think. That is critically important because when you know what they believe, you have the starting point to help guide them in the right direction.
You cannot start where you want to start because, most likely, you're 10 miles down the road from where they are, and you will not get their attention.
When you're 10 miles down the road, you have to back up and find out where they're starting from, and you have to use that information to help walk them through the process.
This solution became clear...
The majority of clients that we see in our office stop drinking on their own without having to go to long-term treatment, like 30, 60, or 90-day treatment. And honestly, it's not that complicated.
When quitting alcohol, you have to consider whether or not you need a medical detox from the alcohol. Believe it or not, stopping alcohol from cold turkey is one of the more dangerous things to quit. So before you implement any of the other techniques that I'm about to tell you, it is crucial to have a thorough medical assessment.
Once you have that figured out, here are the critical pieces to doing this on your own, without going to long-term treatment.
1st Key to getting sober without rehab
The first thing that I want you to do is to make drinking a non-option.
What do I mean by non-option?
Make it easier on yourself. For example, one obvious thing is to take the alcohol out of your house and remove the temptation.
2nd Key to getting sober without rehab
The next thing you...
I do not believe that someone has to hit bottom to get better. I do believe that someone's situation has to get uncomfortable. It's a law of human behavior that people do what works for them. They seek pleasure and avoid pain. If their addictive behavior is more pleasurable than painful, they're probably not going to change.
As their loved one, it's crucial to not interfere with the uncomfortableness and the difficulties as it happens. Don't fix their messes. Even for someone without an addiction, consequences matter. When it comes to addiction, substances act as anesthesia, so they won't feel the consequences nearly to the magnitude they would in a normal situation.
Consequences vs Punishment
A lot of people confuse consequences with punishment. I want you to understand that punishment is something you dole out and a consequence comes naturally.
If your kid is failing their classes, the consequence is that they fail the class. Punishment is something that you do at home. They...
Does this sound familiar?
"I'm not an alcoholic, it's you. You're so controlling. I'm sick of you telling me I drink too much. I work hard, provide for this house, and take care of the kids. If I want to have a drink at the end of the day, who cares? I deserve it. You need to stop being so uptight."
Believe it or not, it's possible to take someone from that state of denial to take the steps necessary to get sober. You cannot make someone get sober, but you can influence them to do so.
Strategy #1-Build credibility with your loved one
If you don't build credibility, your opinion won't matter.
Not only does your opinion not matter, but when you don't have credibility with your loved one, sometimes they do the opposite of what you want despite you.
This last one is a bit controversial.
Building credibility with your addicted loved one is about helping them feel like you understand them and knowing their situation. Your opinion and advice won't matter when they think you don't...
These are seven things that your addicted loved one will say to convince you they don't have a problem. These are just manipulation tactics, which is why I want you to be able to identify them and know what's happening when you hear them.
Your loved one will likely tell you, "I'm not nearly as bad as all those people at the meetings or the treatment center. I don't even do it every day."
I call this--It's not as bad as you're making it to be a manipulation tactic.
This goes hand in hand with the first one. They will probably give you both at the same time.
"You are just so uptight, I don't know why you worry about this so much. You used to drink with me and be fun. This is a gaslighting manipulation technique.
If you want to know how to deal with manipulation tactics, my manipulation guide will cover different types of manipulation. The manipulation guide will give hints and pointers on how to deal with gaslighting.
Recently, one of our viewers asked the following question:
"Why does it seem that people with addictions (drug, alcohol, or any addiction) aren't able to self-soothe?
The truth is there are several reasons for this.
The first reason people with addictions have trouble self-soothing or coping with things is that they're on an emotional roller coaster.
They're alternating between feeling great and feeling terrible.
They're constantly on this treadmill.
A lot of the time, the person is in an actual withdrawal state. If you haven't experienced this before, I want you to take a minute and think about the last time you felt sick. At that moment, while you're lying in bed, you want the misery to end. Think about how well you coped with things when your kids needed something when your boss or work was calling you, asking you for something, think about how you felt inside your head.
I bet your emotional response wasn't as great as it usually would be because when we're in distress,...
Breaking away from someone who has an addiction is an extremely difficult decision to make. I'm going to give you some guidelines that will help you think the situation through strategically.
WHEN to break away
HOW to break away.
This decision and process may be the most difficult thing you've done in your life. The person may firmly resist your efforts. You're going to have so many mixed feelings. You'll likely have guilt about leaving, and maybe you feel like you're their last bridge out there. You may have the belief that if you leave, they will fail.
Maybe you're even still hoping they will turn it around because you see little glimpses of the real them now and then.
Those thoughts will keep sucking you back into the relationship.
When should you break away from someone who has an addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, or any addiction?
Break away after you've given leaving a lot of thought. It's not a decision you need to make in the heat of the moment or after a...
If having an addiction is a disease, why does everyone say the answer is spiritual?
In the world of recovery, there are different factions or groups out there. Every group has different beliefs about what an addiction is and how you fix it.
Some factions of the recovery world believe it is purely a brain illness, and you treat it with medication. Some people think it's a brain illness, but it's also a spiritual abnormality. Then another section of people said, "it's just individuals being bad, and need to act right."
We're going to find the intersection of all those things and find exactly where the crossover is because there's a little truth to each.
One of the first recovery models that had success is the 12-step model. That's why it still exists today.
The 12-step model was born out of a religious model. If you look at the history of AA, which is alcoholics anonymous, you'll know that Bill Wilson, an alcoholic, became interested in a religious...
We're constantly saying to people trying to overcome an addiction you can't do it yourself. What do you need, what is helpful, what is not, and how can other people support you?
Let's look at what kind of recovery supports are available and what you need to look for. We're also going to identify who will be part of your recovery support network.
On an individual basis, what do you need from the people around you?
There are five categories that you need in a support network. You most likely won't have one person that can do all of these. This is why you need a few different people in your life that serve a few functions.
One of the things you need is someone that can serve as a sounding board.
You need someone you can bounce your thoughts off of and help you sort through stressors and think through problems. Someone that you can talk to freely without feeling judged. The person who does this for you will need to have a few unique characteristics. First and foremost, you have to see...
If you or a loved one are thinking about getting sober and you want to make sure you stay sober, this video is for you! The number one most important first step for relapse prevention is putting these things in place.
These actionable steps will help provide the foundation for maintaining a good long-term recovery.
I recently had a conversation with a lady on a phone consult. She told me how her husband was having a lot of "change talk." He would say he was ready to take all of these first steps to recovery but always fell short. This happens with so many of the clients I see. It's not that the person doesn't mean it necessarily. You can usually tell when someone is genuine about it. They do want this problem to go away. They want to be better and change their ways, but just wanting it isn't enough. You have to take action steps.
The first and most important action step that you need to take is to do all of the things you can think of that would make it hard, If not impossible...