Reclaiming our lives as parents with children in recovery.
We discussed the need to change our parenting roles to help our children recover from addiction. Today, we will delve into redefining our parenting and adopting a new approach that fosters independence, growth, and empowerment for our children and ourselves. This journey will require grit, determination, and a willingness to let go of our old parenting habits. So, let's explore how we can achieve this and find joy and pride in our parenting and personal lives.
The Unthinkable: Letting Go
One of the most challenging aspects of redefining our parenting role is accepting that we cannot protect our children from the world. As they embark on their recovery journey, we must understand that they must learn to navigate life independently. This can be particularly difficult for parents of children with addictions, as we may have to let go sooner than other parents whose children are in their mid-twenties.
To foster our children's recovery and independence, we must shift our focus from constantly fixing their problems to becoming more relational parents. Relational parenting entails being available to support them but refraining from taking over their lives or fixing their issues. This approach will help reduce shame and encourage their sense of pride and independence as they learn to handle their challenges.
Building the Wagon Wheel of Happiness
We can visualize our lives as a wagon wheel with many spokes to achieve this transformation. The center of the wheel represents us, the parents, while the spokes represent various aspects of our lives: work, hobbies, friendships, personal projects, and more. Instead of solely focusing on our children, we must nurture these spokes to create a balanced and fulfilling life.
Adding spokes to our wagon wheel involves reconnecting with ourselves and reclaiming our interests and passions. As we devote time and energy to these aspects, we become less fixated on our children's lives and struggles, fostering healthier relationships and enabling them to build self-reliance.
Letting Go Gradually
Redefining our parenting role is not a quick fix; it's a journey that requires patience and understanding. Recognizing that progress, not perfection is the goal is crucial. Changing old habits and adopting new approaches may take time, so we should be gentle with ourselves and celebrate every small step forward.
For parents who find it challenging to let go completely, weaning off the level of support is an option. Gradually reducing financial help while reinforcing emotional support and empathy can help children understand the importance of taking responsibility for their lives.
During this process, challenges may arise. If your child is mentally ill or struggling with a severe alcohol use disorder, it might be necessary to adjust your approach to ensure their well-being. Always prioritize their health and safety, and seek professional guidance if needed. Remember that every situation is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution.
As parents with children in recovery, we have the opportunity to redefine our role, promoting independence and empowerment. Letting go of our old parenting habits and focusing on our happiness may feel daunting at first, but it is essential for our well-being and that of our children. Embrace this journey with grit, and remember that progress is an achievement, no matter how small. Reclaim your life, nurture your passions, and cherish your happiness because parenting is not just about fixing problems; it's about fostering growth and independence in our children and ourselves.
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