Feeling Held Hostage by Your Loved One’s Addiction? Here’s What You Can Do

Does it feel like every time you turn your back, they have a relapse? It’s like you can’t even go anywhere—afraid to leave for the afternoon to hang out with friends or go to a work event. The idea of being gone overnight or for multiple days? Forget about it. It’s nerve-wracking, and it feels like you have to babysit 24/7 just to keep things from falling apart.

If that sounds like your life, this is for you.

We don’t believe in waiting for rock bottom, and we definitely don’t believe that you’re powerless. If you have an addicted loved one, you have a lot of power and influence. And today, we’re talking about how to stop feeling like a hostage to their addiction and how to regain control of your life.

Understanding the “Coast is Clear” Trigger

So, what’s happening here? You may have noticed that every time you leave, your loved one relapses. Even if they say they’re trying to get sober, it seems like the...

Calling BS on Ourselves: A Guide to Self-Honesty

It's a skill we all need, especially if you possess the superpower of rationalization. You see, rationalizing can be a double-edged sword. It allows us to see things from multiple angles, which is fantastic when counseling others. However, it can lead us into trouble when we fail to recognize our own dishonesty.

Before we explore a list of questions to help you stay honest with yourself, let me share a rather embarrassing story about a costly mistake I made a couple of years ago.

My Costly Mistake

A few years ago, shortly after the COVID pandemic, our online services had taken off. Around 80% of our client sessions were now virtual. We found ourselves in a massive office building designed for our Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP), with far more space than we needed. Fortunately, we had an open conversation with our landlord about downsizing. He agreed to help us find someone interested in the extra space.

To our delight, he soon ...

If you've got an addicted loved one who says one of these statements, I'm about to tell you; it is likely lying more often than not. Of course, you shouldn't believe this. But, before I tell you these statements or lying examples, I want you to know that just because you're not going to believe these lies anymore doesn't necessarily mean that you should call them out, especially not in the moment.

You don't always have to call it out, but you don't have to believe it.

#1. Some version of, "I only hide it because ____."

For example, "I only hide my drinking because it upsets you. I don't want to get you upset." Any reason for hiding the dependence is addictive behavior. And yeah, there may be a little truth in some of the reasons that they're giving you for hiding, but the big reason they're hiding it is that they know that the addictive behavior is out of bounds in some way,

So when you hear this statement, it's essential to understand that they may be lying to you, but it's hig...