Caught Them Drinking? Here's What To Do NEXT When Alcoholics LIE

 You Found Evidence Your Loved One Relapsed, Now What?

You thought things were going well. Your loved one said they were sober. Life felt stable—maybe even hopeful again. Then one day, while taking out the trash or sorting through laundry, you find something: an empty bottle. A piece of paraphernalia. A receipt that just doesn’t add up.

Suddenly, your heart sinks.

Are they using again?
Were they lying this whole time?
What do I even do now?

If you’ve been here, you know this moment well. It’s emotional. Confusing. Sometimes even paralyzing. And it’s exactly the type of crisis moment that can either blow up into chaos—or become a turning point.

First Things First: Take a Breath

When you find evidence of a possible relapse, you’re going to feel angry, hurt, scared, and betrayed. That’s normal. Those feelings are valid.

But before you confront them or go full CSI-mode, pause. The way you respond in this moment matters a lot.

Reacting with yelling, accusations, or passive-aggressive traps (like leaving the bottle on the kitchen counter) might feel satisfying in the moment, but they rarely lead to honesty or real progress. In fact, those reactions often trigger more defensiveness, lies, or emotional shutdown.

Step 1: Ask Yourself—Are You Sure It’s a Relapse?

Sometimes what you find might be old. Maybe they were cleaning out their truck or tossing something left in the garage.

They might say:

“I didn’t drink it. I was getting rid of it.”
“That’s from weeks ago—I just now found it.”
“I didn’t want to tempt myself. I thought you’d be proud.”

Whether it’s an excuse or the truth, expect a story. And expect to second-guess yourself.

If you’re not 100% sure, don’t confront just yet. Sit with it. Think strategically.

Step 2: Don’t Go Digging for More

We know the temptation: start tearing through closets, drawers, and cars. Look for more clues. But falling into detective mode can re-trigger old patterns—and not just for them, for you too.

This isn’t just about managing the crisis today. It’s about staying emotionally ahead of the situation.

Step 3: Consider Their Stage of Recovery

Here’s where things get nuanced:

❌ If they’re still in denial or “bargaining” (i.e., they believe they can control their use):

• Sometimes the best move is to say nothing—let the failure of their “bargain” be the teacher.

• This speeds up the process of them realizing that moderation doesn’t work.

We call this the "game on" approach. Let natural consequences unfold.

✅ If they’re genuinely working on recovery:

• Bring it up carefully.

• Secrets feed addiction. And if they’re serious about getting better, they need support and accountability.

Step 4: How to Confront the Right Way

This isn’t a gotcha moment. Think calm, curious, and collaborative.

Try something like this:

“Hey, I found this. It might be old. Maybe it’s nothing. But I wanted to let you know because we’re trying to stay honest with each other. Is this something I should be worried about?”

Even if they lie, you’ve planted a seed. Sometimes, they come back later and confess when the shame passes.

If that happens, your job is simple:

“Thank you for telling me. I know that wasn’t easy.”

Even if you're seething inside—stay chill. Reacting calmly builds trust, which is way more effective than punishment.

Step 5: Understand the Difference Between a Lapse and a Relapse

Lapse = a one-time slip.
Relapse = sliding back into the old lifestyle, mindset, and patterns.

Bringing things to light early can stop a lapse from turning into a full-blown relapse.

But What If They Get Defensive?

They might. That doesn’t mean you did it wrong.

Some people get defensive no matter how kindly you approach them. Usually, that’s guilt talking. As long as you stay calm, kind, and clear, you’ve kept your side of the street clean.

And that’s all you can control.

Final Thought: You’re Not a Probation Officer

You’re not trying to catch them. You’re trying to help them stay on track.

Recovery works best when it’s a team effort—not a power struggle.

So instead of trying to “win” or prove a point, ask yourself:
How can I support their honesty and accountability?

Because honesty is the foundation of lasting recovery.

If You're Stuck in a Cycle...

If you’ve been stuck in the pattern of:

• Good progress → Something goes wrong → Big fight → Emotional setback → Repeat…

It might be time for a different strategy.

Amber Hollingworth

Caught in the Crossfire: Protecting and Supporting Kids with an Addicted Parent

👇Additional Resources:

💡 Amber's 30-Day Jump Start for Early Recovery
🧠 Strengths-Based Recovery Coaching
🔐 Rapid Relationship Repair Course
📱 24/7 Advice from Amber AI
👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Consult with a Family Coach