When engaging in these people-pleasing, codependent type behaviors, we're telling ourselves that it's because we don't want to upset someone else. This is a hard pill for everyone struggling with codependency.
Yes, I include myself in this category.
We don't want them to feel rejected. We don't want them to feel abandoned. We don't want them to experience pain and suffering. So we're telling ourselves we're just looking out for this other person, but the truth is quite different.
It's because we feel guilty for not doing something for someone else. It's because we feel like someone else will abandon us, reject us, or get mad at us. So it's not about the other person at all. It's always about us. And this is a hard truth because we've been telling ourselves this whole time that we're kind, caring, empathetic, and caring about the other person. And there...
If you don't know how to say no, your body will do it for you, and it'll do it in the form of chronic illness. This comes straight from the mouth of Dr. Gabor Mate, one of the most well-respected physicians and researchers in the realm of addiction, trauma, and even ADHD.
I've followed his work for a very long time now, I've read his books, watched tons of his videos, and even attended a conference where he was a key speaker.
Recently, while I was watching one of his videos, he said something that struck me completely differently.
To be honest, it's not much different from the topics he usually speaks on. But you know how sometimes a light bulb goes off or you hear something different? That's what happened to me in this case, and maybe it was because the topic was framed differently from what Dr. Gabor Mate normally talks about.
He normally talks about the person with trauma, addiction, and ADHD, but in this circumstance, he was talking about what happens to people who are in...