Understanding Addiction: Why do people go from one addiction to another?
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[00:00:00] I get the question all the time from people with addicted loved ones. They want to know about this whole concept of switching addictions. And I'll get questions like, my loved one, they've stopped doing coke, but now they're drinking all the time. Or they'll say something like, okay, they're not doing video games anymore, but now they're constantly drinking energy drinks or yes, they gave up the alcohol, But now it's like they're craving sugar and they're just eating super ton of it.
There is a well known sort of phenomenon of switching addictions in the early recovery process. this actually can happen at any point in the process, but you definitely see it happen more regularly in the early recovery process.
And there's not a super 100 percent clear answer to this issue. But I am going to explain to you some ways that I think about it and the ways that I help clients make decisions about it. And [00:01:00] hopefully that will help you or help you understand your loved one to make decisions about this concept for yourself.
Okay. So let's start with the kind of switching addiction that it's probably not great, but I don't overly worry about they're almost always present. And that is when someone stops using a substance or starts, abstaining from whatever their addictive behavior is you will very frequently see that they're going to either start using nicotine like crazy.
Craving sugar like crazy or caffeinated drinks. So we're talking about sugar, caffeine, nicotine. Those are very sort of common things. That's almost like the person is in, not just withdraw from, of course, the substance that they're stopping, but also like dopamine withdrawal, just everything withdraw.
And so they're craving any kind of thing to feel even the most mild, small amount better. And so you're going to see that. Those things are going to increase with alcohol and sugar. Those two things are linked a lot [00:02:00] because alcohol has a lot of sugar in it. So when you take that out, the person will notice they're eating a lot more sweets, but really they are really replacing the sugar from the alcohol with the sweets.
So these are common. They're not great for your health. I'm not condoning it and saying it's totally fine. Do whatever you want, but these are not switches that I worry too much about. Usually, they resolve themselves after a while. A lot of people, even if they've used nicotine for years a lot of people after they recover from whatever their main substance addiction is they'll address that so I don't press people in the early stages to try to cut back on those other things You know, there's mixed reviews out there in the literature about it old school We would tell people not to try to address those for a year I encourage people not to try to address it at the same time, but if they feel like they want to and they're ready, then I don't discourage them from addressing those issues unless it's like in those first few weeks, I just [00:03:00] think you only have so much willpower.
And if and you really need to conserve and use all that willpower to get rid of that main addiction that you're trying to address. And every little bit of other things you use on willpower, just regular life stuff minding your manners, being polite, going to work. All the other things you're doing is digging through that willpower.
And if you add on, I'm trying to go on a diet. I'm going to try to start a new exercise program. I'm going to let go of the nicotine, too. You really are taxing your willpower system and it makes me worry that you're going to run short one day because you're probably already in the negatives when it comes to the willpower.
I'm not saying that's great, but I am saying I don't fuss with clients about it. And if you have an addicted loved one, who's trying to get sober, I'm going to strongly encourage you not to fuss at them about it. Not only am I telling you that I don't think it's . The best thing to, to push them on therapeutically in this recovery process.
I'm also telling you because if let's say your loved one is working on [00:04:00] stopping heroin or something, and then you're all of a sudden on them about caffeine drinks, you will have just totally destroyed any kind of credit you have with this person because they are going to be thinking, Oh my gosh, you are never happy.
It's never enough. You are just, too extreme. You're black and white thinker or something like that. And they're going to, any kind of work that you've done from watching these videos about building your credibility score, getting on the bad guy role you're going to ruin it from that. So do not use your influence on that.
Okay? Now, when it comes to stuff like someone has multiple addictions, let's say someone's using cocaine and they're also drinking alcohol, frequently what you'll see is that a person will say I only am really addicted to the cocaine. The alcohol is not really a problem. And so they'll try to quit the cocaine.
The alcohol is going to go through the roof. And maybe they weren't Using alcohol super problematically before but if you're using both drugs at the same time And you only take one out of the equation The other one is going to go [00:05:00] skyrocket and that is going to land you in a not good place So if there are multiple substance involved, I strongly recommend to my clients.
I'm like, no, we're going to have to cut all of these no matter you know, maybe it's Marijuana and it's alcohol. Maybe it's some kind of prescription medicine and alcohol or something like that. If you've been using and abusing those things, you're going to, you're going to need to address both things at the same time.
In most cases, in order to have some success there and I probably will get some pushback on that. That's okay I'm ready for it. I get that there are varying views on that, but that's where I stand on the issue. Then there comes this other question because this switching addiction thing comes in lots of forms There's this other question of well What if i've the person been sober for?
a considerable amount of time like maybe like definitely more than a year and I never really had a problem with X, Y, or Z substance in the past. Is it [00:06:00] okay if I do that as long as I don't do it too much, as long as I don't return to my old drug of choice? And that's where you get into a real gray area.
The most simple, best direct answer I can tell you on that is don't do it because it's not worth the risk. Most of the time, the large majority of the times, like we're talking like. I don't know, 75, 80%. It doesn't end well. Okay. There are occasions where people stop one substance, they get their life together.
They're doing good and they're with all their stuff their health, their relationships, their spiritual health, all that kind of stuff. And they're just a much more balanced person. And eventually maybe they can And usually the two substances are like marijuana and alcohol, honestly.
And so it's like they want to bring one or the other back into the picture. And I have seen that work, but I am, but you have to be well, into recovery before you start trying to do something like that. Otherwise, it's either going to become a problem itself. Like the new thing is going to, Escalate on you or it's just going to lead you back to the old thing [00:07:00] Especially in the case where it's like you have a pattern of you always use the two things together, right?
think of it like for people who try to quit smoking a lot of people have And when I say smoking, like nicotine a lot of people have nicotine and alcohol paired together So if you're in the middle of trying to quit smoking and then you go out drinking with your friends What do you think's going to happen?
You're going to realize back on the smoking. Okay, so You If the 2 substances have been paired together, meaning you used them in a pattern or at the same time, and then you go back to 1, it's really going to trigger up all those neuropathways that you spent such a long time to reorganize all those new pathways, those monster mouths to shut down.
You're going to activate it by doing that. In that kind of situation when it comes to other substances that it's not nicotine alcohol or sugar I strongly advise you to stay away from it eventually Talk to your therapist or your doctor about it And but i'm talking about way out there like definitely not in the first year like Years, okay Now [00:08:00] there's another kind of switching addictions that I want to address here and that is It I don't know, I don't know if I want to call it an addiction, although I do think it's an addiction but when you see people do things like they quit the substances, but now they're obsessed with working, or they're obsessed with exercise, or they're obsessed with whatever, X, Y, Z, that is the other common thing that you're going to see happen.
And the truth of it is that. Addiction really is nothing more than obsession. That's what addiction is. It's not what or how much, it's how much the obsession is happening. Not how much you're drinking, how much you're thinking about drinking. That's where addiction lies. It really is obsession. And obsession isn't always necessarily a bad thing.
In fact, No one ever did anything great without being obsessed. If you ask me no, great athlete, great entrepreneur, inventor, scientist, artist. If you are going to be great at something, if you're going to do something [00:09:00] big, you're going to have to be obsessed about it because you're going to have to spend so much time and creativity thinking about it and working on and perfecting it that.
It requires addictive thinking to do so my mind. I don't necessarily think of addiction or obsession is always a bad thing. It for sure can run you in the wrong direction. So you will see that when people let go of. like a chemical addiction, you might see that they get preoccupied and focused on something else, and of course that something else could be not great, like if that something else is gambling or something like that, then they're probably going to run into trouble, but I would put that on the same playing field as the substance.
But if they get obsessed about something else that's going to mostly make them feel good about themselves, I'm probably pretty okay with that. In fact, I steer a lot of clients towards that because the truth of it is obsessive people are obsessive people. They're not ever going to be balanced, and I don't know that they should focus so much on being balanced.
And I know that [00:10:00] upsets some of you to hear me say But it's not quite in your nature if you're just that kind of person that tends to obsess about things or get, that all or nothing go all in on things. But you do need to be very strategic about where you point that energy because you got to realize this is a superpower that you have and you must control your superpower because villains have superpowers and superheroes have superpowers.
And the only differences is what they. Choose to do with those superpowers. And that is the same position we are all in. So you've got to make strategic decisions about it. Are these obsessive behaviors, these excessiveness, this excessiveness that I'm engaging in, is it going to hurt people around me?
Is it going to cause me to be upset with myself and hate myself tomorrow? Is it going to financially ruin me? You got to think about what is the outcome of it? And yes, even some of those other healthier addictions like workaholism, or trying to be the best athlete, it will have some negative impact on your [00:11:00] life.
Your family's going to get mad because you're always gone or something. I'm not saying there's no negative impact but you've got to look at the pros and the cons of it, and ask yourself, Is this putting my natural personality and using those characteristics? Is it in the right direction, or is it in the wrong direction?
If you're watching this, and you are a family member, and you are concerned, the main message I'm trying to get you to hear is, your loved one probably isn't going to be balanced, okay? So if they're using too much sugar, nicotine, or caffeine I'm strongly advising you to leave it alone. Let them deal with that when they're ready to deal with that.
If they're really getting engaged, unless you think someone is like having a mood disorder, like a manic episode, that is different. Okay. But they're just really all involved in maybe their recovery group and maybe their work and their church or whatever you may worry because it's like they're getting out of balance, but I guess.
I'm just saying to you that they're probably not, they're just, that's just the way they're wired and they're supposed to be wired that way. And there's not necessarily, it's not necessarily a defect. [00:12:00] Okay. We are supposed to be wired that way. That's what keeps us alive. That's what makes us fall in love.
That's what makes us produce children. That's what makes us go to work every day. So it makes us accomplish great things. So we don't need to have it in our own mind that these characteristics, they're just evil or bad. And we need to somehow maintain this. Perfect work, life, family, hobbies, creative interest, balance, because life just doesn't work that way.
There are seasons in life where we do have more balance, and there are seasons of life where we're out of balance, particularly if you're trying to accomplish something for example, if you're trying to accomplish recovery, and it's those early days. There's going to be nothing balanced about your life.
You're going to have to put so much effort into figuring out this recovery thing, you're probably like Listening to videos and you're going to meetings and you're talking to your recovery coach calling your sponsor going to your therapist Going to treatment all the things that's not balanced, right?
But you have to get focused in on [00:13:00] that and put that as such a big priority until that becomes new routine for you and then That can come back down more into balance. So I just want you guys to relook at this idea about what you're calling switching addictions. Yes There are some that are bad if you Use two substances together if you always are Using opiates and benzodiazepines together And you think you're just going to quit one and the other's going to be fine.
That's probably not going to work that's just I mean I've been doing this more than 20 years and I haven't really seen that work. I can't tell you a hundred percent sure because nothing's a hundred percent sure, but I can tell you, I hadn't seen it work. Okay. So when we're looking at that's definitely not going to happen, but some of these other things we're going to have to get in the gray area and use the flexibility of our thoughts, especially if you're the loved one trying to support this person so that person feels encouraged, loved and supported.
If you don't, they really, truly are going to feel like. You're never happy. Everything they do is wrong and like no matter what You think [00:14:00] they're doing something wrong and that's just not a good place to be if you're trying to support someone All right. I know some of that you guys aren't going to agree with I knew that coming into this.
That's totally okay So we're going to take some questions and comments
all right. This is Dr. Ransom. I'm currently struggling. Weed addict. I didn't struggle with a substance until midlife, but I've always been obsessive about things since I was a child. I never connected the two.
Okay, good. I'm glad this was helpful for you, Dr. Renza, because it's just that same trait, right? It's the same trait. It can lead us to the good. It can lead us to the bad. We just got to control our superpower. Noah says, what about when addictions, they switch To are socially acceptable and they think it's okay because they aren't hurting one, but they are still running from their inner storm and emotional.
And emotionally distant this is a kind of question I get a lot and a lot of people know oppose this question. They call it being dry and. And I used to be more on board with this concept, but I'm a [00:15:00] little less on board with this concept. I get what you're saying is maybe there's other stuff they need to work on, maybe they need to work on the relationships and other stuff.
But from the addictive person's perspective, and I know that's a lot of what I do is bring you that person's perspective. Again, it comes across as it's never enough. When it's okay, you're sober, but you didn't do this. Okay. You're sober, but you're not addressing this and that and the other.
And I don't think that you can call everything dry, everything a person does that you don't like. Yesterday I had a client came in and was dealing with something and has been sober from the addiction for a long time. And he did something that his wife didn't like. And she's that's your addiction talking.
I'm like, dude, you can't go back and blame everything on that. So I don't know what's going on there. Yes, it's possible. They're not dealing with everything. But I don't know that I would call it dry and I don't know that I would necessarily tell this person they weren't in recovery or something like that.
Katie says, Hey Amber, my husband said Covenant Eyes worked for his porn addiction recently. I've been getting multiple alerts. I don't want to be intimate with him [00:16:00] because this hurts me. How do I stay out of the bad guy role? My guess is if you're getting it let me say this because some of y'all might not know what it means.
Covenant Eyes is like software that you can install on, All your tech devices, like your laptop, your iPad, your phones, all that kind of stuff. And it's to monitor the sites you go on and it's used people that are trying to recover from pornography addiction use this software to, Help keep them away from it and to help build trust with their families.
And so it was working and now you're getting alerts, which is making you think that he's, that your loved one is relapsing. I'm saying he, but it doesn't have to be, but it probably is. He is relapsing. And they probably are. That's probably true. Like you might, I say all the time, like you might get one false positive on something, but if you're getting false positives a lot, like that's not happening.
So probably is. And what's going to happen is your loved one is going to try to gaslight you about this. And they're going to try to say it's not really true. That's messed up. It's not really happening, but they told you [00:17:00] before, Oh, it's working great. And it was fine. And now all of a sudden it's being weird.
I personally don't buy it, but. Y'all know I have sketch out on everything. So I don't buy it. The way I would address it is I would be soften and say, Hey maybe it is something wrong with it. Maybe you should have that checked out, but I can't help, but feel uncertain and unsure as long as that's going on.
And that makes it really hard for me to be intimate with you. So you're not saying. It, you're not laying down the law, like I know for sure you're doing it, but you're saying, hey, as long as this is happening, I can't feel easy. And you can say it nice but nonetheless you can still hold that boundary and.
Like I said, if you're getting multiple alerts, this is sketchy. Michelle says, My 23 year old son has alcohol addiction. When he tried to stop, he started drinking lots of coffee and energy drink. Says he's chasing a feeling. How to reroute this? This is what I was talking about, Michelle.
This is like very common. I get that it's unhealthy for you. I know that it's not great for your [00:18:00] physical health. But if this person isn't in a place where they want to address that right now I just wouldn't push it. I don't, I personally don't think it's worth it. I never have dealt with those issues with people because I just feel like you got to pick your battles.
All right Jolene says, question. My loved one is using nicotine and caffeine like crazy. Came home from 50 days in treatment 10 days ago. So he's been home 10 days and he was entering 50 days He's acting very distant and not affectionate at all Is this normal the nicotine and caffeine is definitely normal Jolene the being distant I can't necessarily say it's abnormal.
It's hard to I can't think of the word like transition, that's the word, back home. There's just a lot you're fighting a lot of old reminders and triggers if you're in, it also makes you as the family member uneasy and they, and sometimes they can feel your uneasiness because they know you're hypervigilant.
And I know you can't really help be hypervigilant because you're worried and you're constantly watching them what's going [00:19:00] on. The best that you can try to control that, the calmer you are, the easier you are to be with, I don't know that you're doing this Jolene, but if you're always asking, are you okay?
Or did you use, or did you go to your meeting? It's going to make. It's going to make it harder to be around you. What I would suggest is just be calm, casual kind, but not pushy and see if that helps them to be more engaged. Lucy says, is there such thing as craft method fatigue? I don't know that's an official term, but that's definitely a thing.
Like I've been Trying to be nice for a long time and I'm wore out and I'm sick of it and I'm exhausted. Yeah, that's a thing. That's definitely a thing. Raise your hand in the comments if you've had craft method fatigue and craft method basically means like the stuff that I teach you guys. I've been trying to be nice, I've been trying to positively enforce, trying to let them figure this out and I'm the exhaustive pyramid.
Put your hand up so Lucy knows that there's others out there. I get it. It doesn't work immediately and it is exhausting 'cause it feels like you're the [00:20:00] one that's trying so hard.
CB says off topic, but waited all week. My wife, her addiction is getting worse to alcohol. She's driving while having some, do I take the keys? Do I have her quit her job? How does one handle this? I get this question a lot at CB, and it's one of the harder questions I get. Do you have her quit her job?
No, that is out of your lane, so I've got a clear answer for you on that. That is her side of the street, it is not your side of the street, and so no, you do not do that. That's out of bounds. Do I take her keys? That's more complicated. I'm of the mindset That I would not wrestle someone's keys out of their hand.
I would not get in a fistfight. I would not stand in front of the front door and block it. If your loved one's been drinking and they're about to leave in the driving, you can say, I really wish you wouldn't. You can try to talk them out of it, but do not fight with them about it because that doesn't end well.
If there are kids involved in the car, [00:21:00] Then you definitely need to do whatever you got to do to keep those kids safe. And that might include calling the police and saying, Hey, my spouse is intoxicated and trying to leave my kids in the car, something like that. You definitely want to do that.
And some people, even if the person was leaving alone just for their own peace of mind and their heart's sake they feel like they need to call the police on that. And I think that part is a personal decision. But do you, if you take the keys and you treat the person like they're a five year old and you say, I'm not letting you do this, it's going to be hard to get out of the bad guy role
so it's 1 of those questions. It's like the safety versus the therapeutic and some, and a lot of times safety does trump what's therapeutic. Oh, let me say 1 more thing. If you're on the same insurance plan, that's a liability issue. So you may want to. You might want to say, if you're going to keep doing this, you're going to, we can't be on the same insurance plans. Don says, My son has relapsed yet again. What are your thoughts on meds like Librium or Antabuse?
They won't let him be on those meds while in [00:22:00] rehab. I don't understand why. Antabuse is not a medicine that anyone would be addicted to. It's a medicine that makes you sick if you drink on it. It's to prevent you from drinking. Librium, from my understanding, I'm not a doctor, but from my understanding, it's a mood stabilizer.
And I don't know, to my knowledge, it's not an addictive substance that I know of. At least I've never had anybody come to me with an addiction to that substance. If it is, it's not very common. So the question is if these aren't addictive substances, why won't they let him have them and rehab?
It depends on what kind of rehab is in. If he's in a sober living home or like a religious based or something like that, it's just that they may feel like they don't have the staff or the training to administer those meds. And that, that in some places have really strict rules about that. They won't let you have an antidepressant or anything.
Other rehabs that have more sort of staff and systems at their disposal have ways of doing that. Like they lock up the meds, they have a safe and then whatever time of day you go or [00:23:00] and get it or whatever. And they don't administer it to you because if they're not a nurse or something, they can't do that, but they watch you do it.
So it really depends on where you're at and what their rules are about it. Barb says, How do I address this? Mine has gone from coke, alcohol, and pot, and switched to alcohol, and then pot, and then both. Then testing between alcohol and pot. Currently using pot. I can't even keep up with all that.
That's a lot of back and forth. Claims he doesn't have a problem with that. This is just bargaining. And so Barb I don't know if you've seen, I talk about bargaining a lot in these videos. So there's videos on stages of change, there's a lot of videos where I talk about that, and they're going through the process of trying to figure out do I have to quit all this?
It's the same thing as someone trying to cut back on alcohol. It's just a bargaining technique of trying to figure out how to keep this in my life somehow, but make it more manageable. They're just, instead of trying to reduce a substance, they're trying to keep one and get rid of the other. It doesn't work well Barb, but I'm sure you know that.
But watch those videos where I talk about how it really is a natural part of the [00:24:00] process and the best thing to do is let them go through it and there are some ways to try to expedite the process. Emily says, my boyfriend is a functioning alcoholic. He admits his problem. We are supposed to move in together and build a life and family, but I told him I can't do that with a drunk.
Will this make it worse? I agree with your boundary about not moving in until the problem is addressed. I probably would use slightly different language when you set that boundary. And you say, I can't do that with a drunk. That It's just going to immediately make someone defensive and they're not really going to hear what you're trying to say.
And this is a very important message that you do need them to hear. It sounds like you care about them a lot and you want to build a life with them. So you need to say this message in a way that's going to actually get through their head and say something more along the lines of, I'm not comfortable doing that until I know that you've addressed this problem and it's stable and under control for a period of time.
Just don't use the word drunk. Say it with a little more kindness in [00:25:00] there. Jenna says, how do I respond to my husband that blames me for his addiction to nicotine and weed? That I always talk about, Jenna, is just trying to get out of the bag I roll. Because, when someone has an addiction, they need a villain.
The same way people think of it as like they need money to get the substance. That's, People always just think about that, which is true, but they also need the emotional justification. So just the same as they need the money, they need the emotional currency, which almost always involves a villain.
So it's my boss, my parent, my spouse, my sister, who's always the hero, whatever. They always have this. Other person that they put everything out on and they focus on that person being a villain as a way of not Looking at their own behaviors and looking at what they're doing. If there are things you are doing that it's getting you stuck in the bad guy role The first thing you need to do is get out of that bad guy role so that It takes that villain card away from them Windows 9226 says, My BF seems to be attempting to quit [00:26:00] his vices. Stopped vaping, stopped cigars, however, he is choosing a low percentage beer, less wine, and less pot. Is he bargaining with himself? Is he still in denial? If he has a problem with alcohol or pot, then yes, he's bargaining with himself.
Manglin says, My loved one is always holding his anger about everything and his alcohol helps him to tame that. I understand that the anger might have started the drinking in the first place, but how can I help him address the drinking first and then the anger? I know he's saying that the anger is, is helping with the anger, but the alcohol is actually Fueling the anger and I know you've probably heard me talk about this before but When you drink and then you remember every bad thing that ever happened and all your resentments and all your self pity And you're working it up and up and up you may feel physically better in your body when you drink, but you're also simultaneously Working [00:27:00] up the resentments, and then the next day when you're in withdrawal, those resentments are really taking over your brain because you're in withdrawal, and you're mad, and you're irritable, and everything else.
So it can feel like when I don't have alcohol, it's worse. So you can try to trick yourself into thinking that That it's helping, but it's not. And your loved one knows that.
