These are seven things that your addicted loved one will say to convince you they don't have a problem. These are just manipulation tactics, which is why I want you to be able to identify them and know what's happening when you hear them.
Your loved one will likely tell you, "I'm not nearly as bad as all those people at the meetings or the treatment center. I don't even do it every day."
I call this--It's not as bad as you're making it to be a manipulation tactic.
This goes hand in hand with the first one. They will probably give you both at the same time.
"You are just so uptight, I don't know why you worry about this so much. You used to drink with me and be fun. This is a gaslighting manipulation technique.
If you want to know how to deal with manipulation tactics, my manipulation guide will cover different types of manipulation. The manipulation guide will give hints and pointers on how to deal with gaslighting.
If your addicted loved one has said any of the following 11 statements, you're being gaslit, a form of manipulation. This is part two in my series on gaslighting statements. Here's the link to part one.
If you're not familiar with the term, gaslighting is when someone purposely makes you think you're crazy. It's a common manipulation tactic used when dealing with someone struggling with an addiction. It's their way of deflecting the conversation, the energy, and putting it back on you.
If you are struggling with an addiction, or you're with someone who's struggling, and you feel trapped in the situation, click HERE. There are tons of free addiction recovery resources. There are things on the site for you if you have a loved one that you're trying to help and resources if you're trying to conquer an addiction.
Back to the most common gaslighting statements...
"I have to have that for my anxiety. If you don't let me have that, I'll probably go out and do something worse....
If you have an addicted loved one and hear any of these statements, you are being manipulated.
We're going to look at gaslighting from the loved one's perspective. If you have an addicted loved one and say things like this to you, this is gaslighting.
If you've never heard that term before, it's where someone purposefully makes you feel like you're crazy.
There are a lot of ways this happens. Let's start with like the classic of all classics.
Let's say that you find drugs, alcohol, paraphernalia, whatever it is. You confront your loved one with it. They're going to say, "I forgot about that. That's been there forever!" or "That's my friends, it's not even mine!"
That is super classic.
You probably already know that's not true because you probably looked in that spot recently and knew it wasn't there, but they're going to make you doubt your sanity by telling you that. Then you're going to think, well, maybe it is old, and you're going to question. Before you know it,...
One thing about alcoholism that's particularly troubling is the memory issues that accompany it.
Alcoholics genuinely don't remember what happened when drinking (referred to as a blackout), and when their family is upset, they get irritated and feel like the other person is overreacting. In this circumstance, the alcoholic isn't intentionally trying to Gaslight their loved one; they don't remember what they said or did during a blackout incident. It's a form of GASLIGHTING and will make you question your sanity.
But in other instances (like when you find their hidden alcohol), alcoholics intentionally try to make you think you're crazy. They may say something like, "that's been there for over six months. Don't you remember your dad left that when he came at Christmas?" In these situations, the alcoholic person knows precisely what they're doing. They're trying to throw you off their scent or deflect the argument.