Finding Purpose_ Marci Hopkins on Sobriety and Healing
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Amber Hollingsworth: [00:00:00] Welcome everybody. I'm so excited about today's episode because we have a very special guest with us. This is Marcy Hopkins from the Morning Show called Wake Up with Marcy, and she's gonna share with us about her own personal recovery journey. Welcome. We're so glad you're here, Marcy.
Marci Hopkins: Thank you for having me. It's so great to be here.
Amber Hollingsworth: I love that you're willing to be so vulnerable and share these things because it helps so many, putting yourself out there is not easy, so we really appreciate it.
Marci Hopkins: It was hard in the beginning, but now I do it with purpose, and so I know that.
I know that it helps to be open and it helps us ourselves through our own healing, to be honest and open with our stories.
Amber Hollingsworth: We certainly appreciate it. Can you tell us a little bit about the beginning of your story? When I was young
Marci Hopkins: or when I'm starting?
Amber Hollingsworth: Yeah. I do think it's helpful to hear about someone's history, like when they're young, because [00:01:00] it helps us to understand when we have the context.
Yeah.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah. My mother had me very young. She was 19, just a baby herself, and I was an accident. And so my grandparents were involved a lot in helping to raise me. But my mother, she was not married and she was dating and she had certain men in her life and. So the first trauma that I experienced was when I was six years old.
I got into a little mischief and her boyfriend beat me and I had to make a life decision. Would I, at six years old, was I gonna live with my grandparents who live with my mother? Wow. I know. And I chose to live with my grandparents because I did not feel safe with my mother. Trauma happened, with the physical abuse in that moment. But then what happened was my mom didn't fight for me and she didn't leave him.
Amber Hollingsworth: Like a double trauma.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah.
And I had abandonment from that. Now, I was grateful to [00:02:00] be raised with my grandparents. My grandmother was wonderful. My grandfather had a very bad temper, so there's a lot of trauma in that. But still grateful to have been there during that time. And then my mother remarried when I was 12 years old, and I was so grateful for this because I thought.
Here's our answer, right? Our night shining armor, he's going to be amazing to my mother, amazing to me. I'm gonna have a dad. I'm gonna have my mom back. And at their wedding, which was at my grandmother's home, my grandparents, I was 12. It was the first time I got drunk.
Yeah.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah, but it wasn't like anything was abnormal about that because my mother would I, if I had a stomach ache, I remember like eight, nine years old, I had a stomach ache and she was encouraging me to drink some of her margarita that, so that would help me to go to the bathroom, so it just kind became the norm. And I remember there were no repercussions for me drinking at 12 during this time. It's oh, she just participated in the [00:03:00] celebration. So then life was good. We, I moved in with my mom and my stepdad and about six months in, and it's funny, now looking back, I can see the grooming process, but about six months in sexual abuse began.
Wow. Yeah. And my stepdad had taken me to a movie and tried to touch me, and then it was like he tried to buy me. And please don't tell, it'll never happen again. This and that. And now I had a secret and now to my, from my mom, and I didn't know how to handle that.
I was 12 years old, right?
Amber Hollingsworth: And you really wanted this new family situation to work
Marci Hopkins: exactly. But the abuse continued. I knew that it was happening while I was sleeping. Especially, listen to your intuition because, and I knew that there was stuff that wasn't right. When we went on a trip, he tried to look at me under the window and it was just very bizarre things. And then my mother and I ended up getting in a huge fight. This was in Hong Kong, and I'll never forget we were walking over the [00:04:00] water and these waterways and were yelling and screaming and she goes to strangle me in this anger that she, wow.
Yeah, I know. And I screamed out, I can't believe you're doing this and protecting a man that is abusing your daughter. Wow. And it stopped her in her tracks. She said for right now, just wear more clothes when you go to bed.
Are.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah. That was the answer. And so then we go back home and I did that. I did, I was trying to do whatever I could to protect myself. But all the while I was failing in school, I had no motivation. I'd lost who Marcy was. I just.
Lived in this fear survival type mode. I even had a pact with a girlfriend of mine. We were going to commit suicide together. Wow.
Amber Hollingsworth: You were really
Marci Hopkins: struggling. Yeah. It was bad. And then I woke up in the middle of the night. And he was over me with his hand between my [00:05:00] legs.
And that confirmed what I knew, that he was doing things to me in
the middle of time.
Marci Hopkins: The next day I told my mom, because she could tell something was very wrong with me, and she called a hotline and she confronted him and ended up, he ended up saying I wanted it, that I knew that it was happening.
What, I might have
Marci Hopkins: been 13 at this time. And, it was devastating. And I like to talk about now going back a little bit, because she was just such a weak person. I think that she was so afraid because she didn't think she knew how to do anything on her own,
right?
Marci Hopkins: And maybe she thought if she went back to her parents, my grandparents, after I just left the house a year and a half before that. Maybe they would cut her up. I don't know. I don't know the reasoning, I can't understand it really. I just had to forgive her and move past it. Toxic relationships. I'm basically, my idea of love was just giving of myself sexually or, if I could get a [00:06:00] guy to like me or we did something sexual and that means he would like me, like everything was skewed for me. Oh, yeah. And how I thought love was or love looked like, or what a, I had no idea what a good relationship looked like.
And so that. Led me to increase drinking to deal with. The promiscuity the idea of myself the self-loathing hating my life and wanting it to end. But I got through high school. We actually moved with him again. And so then my, it was right before my senior year and they ended up getting a divorce finally because now she was being affected. They're both like drinking. I don't even remember those couple of years. Honestly. Amber, I, I. I think I just put it aside and
I'm just
Marci Hopkins: I was basically living with my boyfriend and his mother, just anything to stay away from the house.
So they finally got a divorce and I was begging my mother to [00:07:00] please not leave. Where I was going to school because I had moved my whole life every two years. And you're a
Amber Hollingsworth: senior. That's a big deal.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah, that's, yeah, that's a big deal. I didn't wanna leave the school. I'd made a life for myself.
I had a boyfriend, not that it was a good one, I had a life and so I just didn't wanna start over again. So we did stay. My mother's drinking got way outta control. I'm in, blackout drinking every weekend and I don't even know how I got through school and I. But I ended up graduating.
And I ended up trying the next path, which is college. But then that became an escape for me. Just became the party scene for me. And then my grandmother stepped in and she took me on some testing and discovered that my strengths were more in the creative realm and
And that's what I've always worked in. I ended up going to the Art Institute of Houston.
I worked in television my entire life and worked in media. But all through that [00:08:00] time I had very toxic relationships. I was drinking every day. Every day was the norm for me to drink every day.
Sometimes worse than others, depending on what was going on in my life. If it was a good time or a bad time. I was one of those that thought if I started over that did better. But of course I was always taking myself with me. I ended up I moved, I'm from Houston, Texas, so that all was taking place in Houston.
I moved with my work to Denver and I had taken my boyfriend. I was actually going to break up with him, but he ended up asking me to marry him. And so here I think that I guess is what I'm supposed to do, and I'm in my twenties or I'm maybe 27 at this time, and. We moved to Colorado together.
I'm working as manager of on air promotions for Fox Sports Rocky Mountains. So now I have a good job. I have a house. I bought a house and I'm engaged.
Amber Hollingsworth: Like adulting,
Marci Hopkins: Yeah.
Amber Hollingsworth: Young adult things.
Marci Hopkins: Is [00:09:00] drinking's still part of it? And then I began to get very unhappy in the relationship. And when that would happen, my drinking would elevate because that was my big escape. So not only was it the norm to have a couple glasses of wine a night, if things got bad, I. Then it would elevate. So he and I started fighting really badly, and then he started to become not only verbally abusive, but then the physical abuse was starting.
So now I'm six weeks away from getting married. And I am like, I can't do this. Like the last blow up happened, and literally it was over me not having a pin in my purse. He wanted a pin.
Amber Hollingsworth: Wow.
Marci Hopkins: Literally had a breakdown. And I'm like, I remember calling my mother, calling my mom and saying, mom, I'm sorry, but I cannot do this.
And
Marci Hopkins: I ended up finding a job in California. I broke off the engagement and sold my house and moved.
Amber Hollingsworth: I just wanna say that's really brave, and it's like you're breaking your [00:10:00] mom's cycle of I know it's gonna dysregulate everything to get out of this.
Yeah. Out there trying to take care of yourself barely on your own young adult. In a totally different state. It's a brave move to do that.
Marci Hopkins: I recognize that, but it was almost like this survival, like I am never going to live the life like my mama,
Amber Hollingsworth: my mom.
Marci Hopkins: Right. Yeah. So like it really created a fire inside of me. And I guess proving that I was gonna make it I gonna make it this life. And so I ended up moving to California and I ended up meeting my husband. And we ended up getting married.
I did really well. I ultimately was the director of on Air Promotions for fx.
And we got pregnant right away. Things are looking so good on the outside, right? On the inside. Like I am utter chaos. I am breaking down. If you ask me, at that time, I was not happy in the relationship with my husband, and this is in the beginning.
Amber Hollingsworth: Give us a little, just a little. [00:11:00] What were you unhappy about? What were you feeling? What was going on the inside?
Marci Hopkins: So for me, like I was very I hate to say the word needy because I. I just needed attention. I needed to be shown love. And here I am seeking a man that is successful in life and he's giving his priority priorities in life are not me first.
And that was very hard for me to deal with. It was work. It was family, it was friends, and then I felt like it was my dog and it was me. Wow. You were way down on the list, and that's what I felt like. And that's what I felt like. And so for me, going through all that I had gone through and not having no self-worth, no self validation, no self love.
Amber Hollingsworth: Give that
Marci Hopkins: to yourself, so I couldn't give to myself. I wasn't getting that. From the man that I married now, that really was a me issue. Now that I am [00:12:00] healed. But at that time I was desperate for attention.
He worked all the time. I mean it, so it was very hard for me. And so then we had our first child and I left work, and now I'm at home and. I'm starting my whole life, but now I'm leaving work. And
Amber Hollingsworth: That was, I was gonna say, now you're leaving that validation.
And you're like a new mom.
Marci Hopkins: I left before I even had the baby. And so I'm just like. I'll just never forget how dark and lonely that was
Amber Hollingsworth: it was really, now you're not getting your knees met at all.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah. 'cause I'm pregnant, oh yeah, because you're
Amber Hollingsworth: pregnant.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah. Feel my feeling. So I will say I did not drink when I was pregnant, and we had our son and I was just trying to make it through, trying to make a new life for myself. But after I had my child, then the drinking started back.
And that was hard. That was because it became that mommy culture that everyone talks about now because I was with other moms. New moms. And now our play dates were just really an excuse to [00:13:00] get together and have whine and let our kids play.
Amber Hollingsworth: It's just mommy wine.
Marci Hopkins: So that kind of became our time along with being there with our kids and our self care, which in reality's not self care. It's just another bonding and being with others is so important.
Amber Hollingsworth: It was like a break, a little break to have some adult interaction
exactly with people who understood what your daily life is like.
Marci Hopkins: Exactly.
But I
Marci Hopkins: guess also you don't wanna sit there and drink and have the woe is me kind of thing going on either. So we ended up we were there for about two years in California with our son, and we ended up moving to New Jersey.
And my husband had a job opportunity. He's from New Jersey and the job opportunity in New York, so I had no ties except for my mom was living in California at that time. She had gone through a difficult divorce because of her alcoholism. I was there as a new mom trying to be there for her when she was like in rehab and in [00:14:00] fear all the time she was going to commit suicide.
It was a very difficult time. And my husband said your mother cannot come with us to New Jersey. She can't continue to do this to you.
So I told my mom, and this was very hard. Mom, you get sober, you work on yourself and come be with us.
But. You have to want it yourself. And in retrospect, I feel terrible for her and what she went through and her addiction and it just, there's a lot of guilt and shame there for me too, because you wanna save your mom. No matter what she did to me, I loved her so much.
I just did. I loved her and I just hoped for a good relationship. So we moved to New Jersey and I ended up getting pregnant right away now I have my two children. I'm trying to create a life there. I'm involved in the schools, like things are going well, but I always had that fire inside of me, like I needed to do something more.
I don't know if it's because I worked all my life or what it was, but I needed something in addition to the [00:15:00] children and while they're at school and find something for myself. So I made this big decision to go after a lifelong dream, to get in front of the camera. Because you'd been
Amber Hollingsworth: behind the scenes
Marci Hopkins: and Right.
I'd worked on the network side and all of that, but now there were some things that were happening in my life and it just re-sparked that inside of me. I wanna do this. I wanna get in front of the camera. It's something I've always wanted. So I started down this career path and people were coming into my life to help me along with this.
And, I got agents, and so everything was happening for me. But what happened was, is when I started going for the auditions and it, it just became this huge reflection of how little self-confidence I had in myself. And feeling judged all the time because now you're going in and auditioning and imagine trying to get a job every time you go in.
You're trying to get the job and you are being judged.
Amber Hollingsworth: You're standing in front of the panel of judges.
Marci Hopkins: Imaginary. [00:16:00] Yeah. Yeah. So they always said you have to go into the audition and walk out and just put it behind you, but. I couldn't do that. I, it was maybe you didn't have the right look, this and that there are reasons why you're not chosen.
And I couldn't go for the schooling. 'cause when I do something, I go all in. I couldn't get the care for my kids because I. Always wanted to be there for my kids. The struggle was I never wanted my kids to feel abandonment. I wanted to be there for them, but then I wanted this other thing in, but I couldn't put into it what I wanted to.
Marci Hopkins: My husband wasn't around because he was working all the time, and so it was just like, I don't like chaos, and like it just like the storm that was constantly brewing, pulled in so many directions. So what did I turn to? I turned to my wine. And that became my liquid courage.
So now I started, having some wine before I went into the audition room. Or maybe after I did an [00:17:00] audition, I'd go and treat myself to some lunch and a couple glasses of wine or, it just now it started accelerating. And it's like that slippery slope was starting to happen.
And it was just, I just lived in such a place of. Just pain. I just felt in pain all of the time. And I also realized, Amber, that during that time I was going through perimenopause, I was going to doctors telling them how I'd feel like the end of the world was happening. Everyone hated me.
Like it was bad. It was bad. And ultimately I got on an antidepressant. And one of the things in some of the work I've done, I've realized that a lot of women increase their drinking when perimenopause starts because they don't know how to cope with all of these emotions that are coming up.
Amber Hollingsworth: And
Marci Hopkins: so if you, if that's happening, you're feeling really dysregulated, right? Exactly. And it, and like you say, dysregulated, all this stuff comes back to our nervous system, right? And dopamine [00:18:00] hits that we're getting when it comes to alcohol or the cortisol levels. There's the whole chemical reaction.
Amber Hollingsworth: So physiologically a perfect storm. Yeah. But also just psychologically too with. Your history. Yes. And your own childhood wounds, and then this path that you've chosen. Yeah. Triggering that and then, but also wanting to be a good mom. It's just like a lot of factors coming into play here.
Exactly.
Marci Hopkins: Exactly. So now I'll get to the very end. All right. I had gone to aa, I realized like I was staying up, up overnight. I couldn't sleep. I'm like comparing myself to my mom. What's going on with my drinking? Is this too much? I was always questioning myself.
And so I was trying to find all these different ways to help myself, right? Like acupuncture or hypnosis or all these different things. As my answer. So finally I had just gotten to a point where I couldn't do it anymore. I was just in the darkest place and I decided to go to aa.
Now I went to AA and I will say, there was a lot of shame, [00:19:00] guilt, and I did feel better as I was surrounded by these women and by other people that were going through the same things. But I don't know that I felt when I said, hi, I am Marcy. I'm an alcoholic. I don't know if I truly believed that at the time.
I'm still involved in the community. I'm still there for my kids. I'm not waking up drinking so I convinced myself I'm okay.
I don't have a problem, right? My husband, nobody in my family, none of my friends. No one thinks that about you, right? 'cause you look so put together on the ice,
right?
Marci Hopkins: And so they, of course, they didn't know the storm inside, ~and so I started drinking again, of course, and then now it's like slow and slow.~
~And then like ~the career was taking off more. The resentment was happening more, the rollercoaster ride was happening more. I couldn't be there for my kids. And then the drinking was elevating, the slippery slope was happening. And then I get to my final day of drinking, which was October 3rd, 2015.
Amber Hollingsworth: The fact that you just know, it's almost like you're about to say hour and second, exactly.
Marci Hopkins: What happened was is I went that morning and I had a modeling gig. I was [00:20:00] going to model a clothing line at a big mall. But of course I wasn't, I didn't have a lot of clarity 'cause I'm drinking the night before.
So we're in a fog. We're just moving along with the. With the actions. And so I end up at the wrong mall. Oh no, so I was going up the escalator, I was amber. I was so proud of myself. 'cause I'm going up the escalator. I'm like, Marcy, you can do this on your own. You don't need the wine.
You don't need that liquid courage. Feeling all confident, feeling good about myself and I made this decision. And so I'm having like a pep talk with yourself. Exactly. Yeah. And get up there and that's when I find out I'm in the wrong place.
Oh my gosh. And now we find out where it is and I have to make the call time before the show. I jump in my car, Amber and I am like. I am like a bad outta hell. I am like the frenzy, right? Oh, the frenzy. You can only imagine panic. Just, yeah. And what did I do? Grabbed my bottle my water bottle filled with wine.
Amber Hollingsworth: Now
Marci Hopkins: I'm [00:21:00] chugging that and driving as fast as I can
Amber Hollingsworth: wow.
Marci Hopkins: Just the insanity of it. Like just, it is just insane. So I get there, I run, I do the show, and I think I do a great job, Amber. But the funny thing is I never got a call back again, but here I think it went well and went out afterwards with my girlfriend and we continued drinking well, ends up I got A-D-U-I-I had no idea that I gotten behind the wheel of the car and I got a DUI my husband ended up coming to pick me up and I had called my girlfriend, my drinking buddy, thinking somehow I was gonna get away with this. I ended up going to bed, resentful, angry, feeling sorry for myself, and I woke up the next day and.
God stepped in. It was just like my higher power, stepped in and said, Marcy, like you're about to lose everything. You've worked so hard to build in your life. You are about to lose all the good. My children, number one for always and forever will [00:22:00] be my number one. And just the idea that I would lose them possibly and then my husband leave me, lose my beautiful home.
Like just lose my beautiful life.
And I went downstairs, Amber and I sat down with my husband and I had admitted my to myself that I was an alcoholic. Which there was an ease in that to, to really face it. To finally face that. And then I sat down with him and I said to him that I need help and that I'm an alcoholic, and he ended up embracing me.
I didn't have to lie anymore. I didn't have to try to keep it all together anymore, and I was so ready to start my healing journey and stop drinking, and I was willing to do whatever it took in that moment.
Amber Hollingsworth: Wow. That's a real moment of clarity.
That's a spiritual experience. Just this whole like morning. Yeah. Can you, I hate to have you back up 'cause this is such a good part of the story. It's okay. But I am curious when your husband came to pick you up from the DUI and he [00:23:00] brought you home and you said, and when you went to bed, you were resentful.
Can you share with us some about that? And the reason I ask you this, Marcy, is because so many of the. People that follow this channel Yeah. Are family members and they don't understand how they're always in the bag eye roll when they're trying to help and what is really going on. Can you share with us some about that?
Yeah.
Marci Hopkins: Because I was on that side too, right? With my mom being an alcoholic and now my husband's having to deal with me. For him you're asking from his perspective? No. From you. What were you thinking? Why were you resentful? That kind of thing. Oh, okay. Why was I resentful?
Because if my husband was around more, if he were there for me more I wouldn't be in this predicament. It. So it's like the bad guy. He's the bad guy. It's right. Because I'm the victim. I'm always the victim. I can't take responsibility for that, like when I'm playing victim.
And so I had to let go of that victimhood. And that's a hard thing
Amber Hollingsworth: It's a way that we deal with our own shame and defensiveness. Horrible, and it's so [00:24:00] hard to be in that space. People don't realize that shift in thinking is almost a way of self-medicating itself.
Yes.
Amber Hollingsworth: Is to make ourselves feel better about something we feel horrible about. And so we find a reason, an external thing to put it on.
Marci Hopkins: One of the hardest things for anyone to do is look at themselves and see their role in it. What they have done wrong.
But the reality is we, the only thing we can change is ourselves. The only. Thing and creating a change in our outcomes of anything is by changing in our inner perspective and inner the inner work and recognizing our own F floss.
Amber Hollingsworth: When you had that heart shift the next morning, was that something that had happened to you before? Did you have moments like that? Maybe not to this extent or about this, or did that feel like it just came outta nowhere?
Marci Hopkins: I think that was the first time. There were other times in my life that. I had quit drinking for one reason or another, or I got in the party [00:25:00] scene after high school and kind of got in the drug scene a little bit when it was the clubbing at the, in 87, 88, 89.
That was big clubbing time. And there were times that it's so wild. Like Amber, I'll never forget. Like everyone around me is doing drugs, everyone's partying, and I'm walking. Did you ever see Melrose Place?
The show Melrose? Yeah. I remember the pool in the middle and all the rooms around it, right?
That's what my apartment complex looked like. And so I'm walking by the pool and there's a huge window and there's a reflection of me.
I talked about another God moment. I saw a reflection of my mother. Wow. And I was like, holy crap, I gotta get outta here. And that God has stepped in many times for me.
I basically in that moment, picked up all my stuff and was out. I left. It was insane. But that was the biggest one for me. I had kids in my life. And maturity on my side.
So I was able to really [00:26:00] act on it.
Amber Hollingsworth: Do you think that determination of, I'm not gonna be my mom, is that part of what happened?
Marci Hopkins: I always, it was the main goal of my life to never be like my mother.
Amber Hollingsworth: Okay. Because there's several points in your story where that kind of shifted a gear for you and changed the path a little bit.
Marci Hopkins: A hundred percent.
Amber Hollingsworth: A hundred
Marci Hopkins: percent. I was never, I never wanted to be like my mother and I, and there was a constant fear of it too.
Amber Hollingsworth: And part of what that meant was ignoring.
Really big, important things that were happening and not dealing with things. Yeah. Okay. So back to the good part. You have this big embrace with your husband. You melt and Yeah. Vulnerable and you're honest with yourself. And that's this. Huge shift. So what happens next?
Marci Hopkins: Yeah, I just wanna say one thing for everyone out there being vulnerable. Is the strongest thing you can do. And so often we think it's weak.
We build up these walls around [00:27:00] ourselves to protect ourselves and asking for help shows weakness.
But in
Marci Hopkins: reality,
so
Marci Hopkins: I felt very strong in that moment and thankfully I had met someone from prior times I was in aa, so I called and. I started my journey on aa, in AA right away. I just knew something was different that time that I was all in. Whatever they asked me to do I was doing, they had it and I wanted it.
Amber Hollingsworth: That's what I talk about so much is you'll have a lot of false starts, which is normal. But when someone really. Decides it's this whole, it's this whole different thing. You can see it, you can feel it. Their seriousness about it. And honestly, when people have that shift they're honestly surprised about how easy it is because they've committed in and they've decided.
No, it's going, it's gonna be different going forward. Yeah. Whereas I think a lot of times in the early tries it, there's a little like maybe and a sort of Yeah. But there's this whole different shift that [00:28:00] happens. Yeah.
Marci Hopkins: There is. And the wonderful thing is, and there's so many alternatives now, like there's so many different ways of getting help now.
It's not just rehab or aa. And there's people out there that really can help you or guide you, or if you need a coach, like it's great.
That
Marci Hopkins: there's so many more alternatives and people are talking about it so you can find what really works for you.
But. Learning all of the tools that, that I had, that I'd learned to help me when I had the triggers.
Or when I had the cravings, making the commitment to 90 days 90 meetings and 90 days. There's a lot of things that I had to do. And really stay true to the commitments that I said I was going to. And everything is you can't do this without community. ~You cannot do this without, you cannot ice.~
~Why? Why do ~
Amber Hollingsworth: ~you say that? Because we hear that all the time. But yeah. ~Explain that to us a little bit if you want.
Marci Hopkins: Because first of all, misery or happiness loves company, right? So no matter where you are, sure, that's fair. But we want people that are going through the same to be there and we're walking this path together.
And when you know that [00:29:00] people really want to help you the biggest thing that you have to do and the most strength that you have to find within yourself is to actually reach out.
Amber Hollingsworth: Yeah.
Marci Hopkins: About how much they have gone through. And so you gotta change the people, places and things because these are triggers. And believe me, I had lots of triggers.
So there were a lot of things I had to change. I had to change my friends, I had to change the things that I was doing. Were those people really your friends, right? A lot of 'em, when you're just drinking with them, they're your drinking buddies. That's what you had in common.
So when you're going through this process, you're finding other people that are going through the same and you can build on that strength and that community together.
Amber Hollingsworth: So it's the changing the people, places and things, but it starts with the heart shift because you have to have the heart shift to even be brave enough to change the people, places and things, and willing to do that ~because those are easy things.~
~It's not just you're giving up alcohol. Yeah. ~You're giving it all up. You're starting a whole new life.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah.
Amber Hollingsworth: Yeah.
Marci Hopkins: You built this whole life on an unstable foundation.
So I think of it at that time, like [00:30:00] everything came crumbling down.
And I
Marci Hopkins: had to start at ground zero and begin to rebuild and create a strong foundation. And it's been magical.
Amber Hollingsworth: That's a pretty scary prospect, right?
Marci Hopkins: I had to give up my old way of coping, of navigating life. The self-talk, the self-loathing. I had to change all of that.
And I had to learn ways of sitting quietly with myself and shifting my guidance. So for me, my higher power, God was my guidance instead of everyone else that I was trying to please. That makes sense. So there's just
Amber Hollingsworth: makes sense.
Marci Hopkins: So I'm not saying like we have to change, it's more of the foundation of what's inside of you, is what I mean.
Amber Hollingsworth: Was there anybody in your journey before you got sober that was particularly helpful? Maybe planted seeds or something. And was there anybody particularly helpful after you had that heart shift?
Marci Hopkins: Like I said, I had gone to the 12 step program a year [00:31:00] prior. And I met some lovely women. And one in particular, this woman Debbie, I knew that I could when I had that relapse and then now my rock bottom, I knew that I could reach out to her.
Debbie and I don't talk still today. But in that moment, she was an angel for me.
Amber Hollingsworth: What was it about Debbie that made you pick her to reach out to?
Marci Hopkins: I guess because she was just the most open and solid person that I had met in the program.
And that I knew truly cared.
Amber Hollingsworth: Okay, so you felt safe?
Okay. And I love that you, because you had done AA before, even if it hadn't worked perfectly for you before you, when you got ready, you jumped back in with both feet. And because you had done it before, you.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah.
Amber Hollingsworth: Yeah.
Marci Hopkins: And nowadays, since Covid, they have the virtual meetings and you can try these things out virtually before you actually jump all in and see if it's even something that would work for you.
Amber Hollingsworth: And [00:32:00] that's less intimidating.
Marci Hopkins: It is less intimidating. But I would say that you get the most out of being present and sharing.
Amber Hollingsworth: I completely agree with you, Marcy. And I think though if someone's never been to a 12 step meeting, I try to tell them how it works. 'cause it's a little discombobulating. 'cause there's procedures early, but there's, and so if you wanted to just see how it works, so you knew what to expect when you walked in an online meeting might be a good way to just get, okay, what's gonna happen and where do I go and who says what and yeah.
And all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Do you have a few minutes to take a couple of questions? While Brie is getting us a question up there, can you tell us a little bit about some of the things you have going on and where people can find you?
Marci Hopkins: Absolutely. Thank you again, Amber, for having me on. I will just say I used to live a life not knowing what I was gonna do and I woke up in the morning except for take care of my kids and try to figure out my day. But today, I've had a TV show for seven [00:33:00] years. I became a TV host so that even though getting in front of the camera was my demise, it actually helped me later on in life, after one of those seeds had been planted for me to actually go after.
Starting this talk show of empowerment and inspiration to share stories of hope. And I did just recently retire that show, and now I've started a podcast Wake up with Marcy. I am the author of Chaos to Clarity, seeing the Signs and Breaking the Cycles, which I'm just so grateful. I've recently won the International Impact Award.
Yeah. For
Marci Hopkins: my book and in self-help memoir. And recovery. So I'm very grateful for that. And I'm also now a motivational speaker to help others. And I've created an incredible program to help others to move from their chaos to clarity. Especially moms that are struggling out there.
Just really to find me anywhere, wake up with Marcy.
I'm on [00:34:00] Spotify and iHeart and all the platforms. And I too have started putting my shows up on YouTube.
Amber Hollingsworth: That's exciting and we'll link to your book below so people can check that out if they want to.
Fabulous. Dale says my 15-year-old daughter is blaming me for not leaving my alcoholic wife. We are trying to work things out. My daughter's giving
Marci Hopkins: up hope.
Amber Hollingsworth: Yeah.
Yeah. But my daughter's giving up hope. How do I help her without her feeling abandoned by me. Yeah. Or not feeling abandoned by me, is what he's saying. Yeah. This is a great question from Marcy 'cause she's been a little bit in this situation.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah. I wish I could talk to Dale is she still drinking?
Where are they at in that relationship? And is she wanting to you, you to leave because she's not being a good mother to her? I guess what I would say, first and foremost being that she's 16, you can be very open with her and allow her to be very open to her feelings, allow her to [00:35:00] share her feelings, you share your feelings, why you wanna make it work, what you foresee it to be in the future.
And maybe she could get help or maybe there could be some family therapy. If your wife has not stopped drinking at this point you could just express to her, you can't ever tell someone to stop drinking because they have to be ready. Most times they'll drink at you and be more resentful if you're trying to make her stop drinking.
'cause there's a root to why she's drinking. She's in pain. There's something happening for her too. Even if she can't see that right at this moment. But I just think being very open is important. Getting some help, some therapy there's professionals that can help you to guide you through this, and Al-Anon is also amazing, free help.
For children and for you, Dale, going through this.
Amber Hollingsworth: It's a hard situation to be in Dale and I think Marcy's given you some really good advice and what she said about being [00:36:00] really open, I think, in validating her feelings and maybe even ask, in what ways is it affecting her and are there things you can do to help?
Make that better. Are there ways to run interference? Are there ways that she doesn't feel looked out for? Or something like that. Really validating her feelings. Bri, do we have another one? Okay. Oh we have a question. Did you ever relapse?
Marci Hopkins: I will tell you, I did go in 2014 to AA and I did decide to start drinking again, and it was the worst decision I ever made because that year was the year that everything spiraled in my life and I just got to a terrible place with my drinking and ultimately got the DUI.
And that is when I made the true shift in decision to not drink anymore, and I have not. Almost 10 years later here.
Day by day. Up to this point I have not had a relapse.
Amber Hollingsworth: Yeah. Since you had that sort of moment with your husband that next morning but before that, you had some sobriety [00:37:00] time and had went back.
So you had I had and went back. Let's see. Here's a question. Is it possible to get out of the bag eye roll after 21 years of being in it? If so, how do we do it? And how long does it take?
Marci Hopkins: I just wanna say right now that it's even huge that you are recognizing. Do you understand how big that is? That you are, you're looking at yourself, you are understanding that this is what you have done and this is what you have portrayed in your life.
And you wanna make a change that is huge. That you can look at yourself and wanna make a change. Now, as far as how do you do it, there are many steps and shy. I'd love to talk to you. If you wanna reach out to me, reach out to me at, wake Up with [email protected] and let's talk about it because I have many steps, many ways that I have gotten through it and has truly helped me.
To change the person that I was, and I wasn't such a great person myself. And I had to forgive myself for that.
I had to get
Marci Hopkins: past the [00:38:00] shame of all the bad decisions that I had made, the people that I had hurt. But you can't. And how long does it take? It's not gonna change overnight.
You just think about how long have you considered yourself the bad guy, right? And there are reasons why you took on that persona and then you acted on it and you played that role. So you absolutely can create this change. And you're 21 years old, you have the rest of your life in front of you.
So you start making these changes now. This is gonna be a beautiful start to a new future. And a long life of beauty. And what you want out of life.
Amber Hollingsworth: Humility and the willingness to look inward at yourself is impressive.
Marci Hopkins: Yeah. That's huge.
Amber Hollingsworth: Yeah. Here we go.
I, at 63, I've been over two months sober after five detoxes in three years.
Going into a residential rehab for three to six months and just over a week. You never fail if you keep trying.
Marci Hopkins: Silva just keep showing up, keep doing [00:39:00] it. Every day is a new day, and sometimes it takes longer.
For it to stick for you.
Amber Hollingsworth: You haven't failed if you keep trying. That's right. 'cause you're still in the game. The game's not over. I like to say, if you're still alive, you're still in the game.
Marci Hopkins: Though, I just wanna say one thing, and I don't know if this is something that, that you have done for yourself, but
it was huge for me just, finding a higher power for yourself and knowing that you don't have to do this on your own. And then just shifting how you think about things in life and looking at life through a different lens in a more grateful lens, and giving yourself forgiveness.
And it sounds like you, you are at a place where you can forgive yourself because you keep moving forward. You keep trying and that's all you can do is just show up, keep showing up. So bravo to you.
Amber Hollingsworth: Yeah, absolutely. I agree with everything Marcy said. We are running out of time for today.
Thank you so much, Marcy, for being here. Your story is inspiring. I had chill bumps, especially with the kitchen [00:40:00] scene. And you guys don't forget to find Marcy on her new podcast and I will link her book below. Thank you everybody who showed up live and who's watching the playback.
I'll see you guys next Thursday. Bye everyone. Bye.
