Should You Go to Couples Therapy? The Truth No One Talks About

Pretty much anytime someone has a relationship problem, the advice is always the same.

"You should go to therapy."

It doesn't matter who you ask.

Your mom.

Your best friend.

Your coworker.

The internet.

Everybody seems to agree that's the obvious next step.

So it might surprise you to hear me say this, especially as a therapist who's spent more than 20 years helping people work through relationship problems:

Couples therapy isn't always the best place to start.

Now before you panic and think I'm anti-therapy, let me stop you right there.

I'm not saying therapy is bad.

I'm saying there are some blind spots that almost nobody talks about. And if you don't understand those blind spots, you can spend months—or even years—doing everything you think you're supposed to do while the relationship stays exactly where it is.

Sometimes it even gets worse.

Let's talk about why.

Why Couples Counseling Doesn't Always ...

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Here's the Question You Need to Answer First

There comes a point in some relationships where you feel like you've run into the same brick wall so many times that you start wondering if you're losing your mind.

You love this person. The relationship isn't bad all the time. In fact, there are plenty of good moments. But somehow you always end up back in the exact same argument, the same hurt, the same disappointment.

After enough cycles, one question starts to take over:

Is this relationship fixable, or do I need to walk away?

If you're asking yourself that question, you're not alone. It's one of the most common struggles I see, and unfortunately, it's also one of the hardest to get clear answers about.

Everyone Has an Opinion About Your Relationship

When you're hurting, it's natural to reach out.

Maybe you talk to your best friend.

Maybe your family.

Maybe your therapist.

Or maybe you ask a bunch of strangers online because they feel more objec...