Brenda's Story: How I Stopped Fighting the Addiction and Started Reaching My Son

addiciton recovery addicted loved one addiction & recovery education community reinforement and family training(craft) early recovery strategies family addiction recovery family support Oct 14, 2025

Watch part 1 of Enzo's story here.

“We’re Out of Our Parenting Skillset”

When Brenda picked up her 16-year-old son Enzo from a homeless youth shelter after a drug-fueled road trip, she saw a glimpse of where addiction was taking him—the smell, the vacant eyes, the speed at which life was unraveling. Not long after, came the call every parent dreads: Enzo overdosed. Doctors told the family to gather—he might not live through the night.

This is a true, unfiltered look at a family’s battle with addiction (fentanyl, Xanax, and more), ADHD’s early role, failed starts with treatment, and the life-and-death turning point that led to a different path. It’s painful, honest—and ultimately hopeful.

Early Signs No One Teaches You to See

Gifted + ADHD (Twice-Exceptional): From third grade on, Enzo was bright, articulate, and also struggling. Meds muted him; no meds made school a war zone.
Family turbulence: Divorce felt “amicable” to adults, but for Enzo’s black-and-white thinking, it meant “I don’t have a family anymore.”
Shift in peers: After an eighth-grade marijuana incident, “good” neighborhood friends fell away. New friends had no curfews, no supervision, no school.

“I kept thinking: Is this just a phase? Did I do something wrong? Should I have forced the ADHD meds? I didn’t understand addiction yet.”

Escalation: From School Calls to Road Trips and Police Warnings

Eighth–tenth grade: Missing items, parties, school calls, rising anger.
The wake-up: A run to California to buy weed; police involvement; a youth shelter pickup.
The hard sentence from an officer: “Your son will be dead or in jail if you don’t do something soon.”

Brenda and her ex realized: “We’re out of our parenting skillset.” They hired a therapeutic/educational consultant.

Tough Love, Real Help: Wilderness & Residential Treatment

Wilderness therapy (Utah): A full extraction at 2:30 AM. It was scary—and necessary.
Residential treatment/therapeutic boarding: Structure, school, sports (think “tired by 10”).
Setback: Enzo earned a home visit—and ran. Two-week disappearance. Returned. Tried school again. Fell in with the same crowd. A close friend died by suicide. Spiral continued.

The Quiet Costs: Siblings & Careers Get Pulled In

Addiction is a family disease:

Enzo’s younger brother withdrew, then came back to life the morning Enzo was safely extracted.
Brenda eventually lost her job during a crisis stretch: “I was wrecked. I couldn’t function.”

The Overdose: Life Support, Stroke, and the Longest Nights

A random caller said Enzo was in the hospital. He had:

No pulse on discovery, a ventilator, and severe pneumonia
Heart attack and stroke; doctors said to call family in
No short-term memory for weeks after the coma

Brenda filmed everything at a nurse’s urging—Enzo wouldn’t remember. He had to relearn how to walk, read, tell time, and brush his teeth.

“If you walk out of this hospital, I will never see you again—you will die. Do it for Ryan.”
Enzo stared through her for minutes, then collapsed onto the bed and slept. Something shifted.

The Slow Climb Back (One Painfully Small Step at a Time)

Relocation to San Diego (away from triggers)
Court-ordered care & PHP, some 12-step exposure (helpful then, even if not “his” long-term path)
Part-time retail job, one community college class, then two…
Consistency beats intensity: showing up early for shifts, picking up extra hours, rebuilding cognition, rebuilding trust

“The nightmare became the thing that helped us rebuild.”

What Finally Helped: CRAFT, Connection, and Changing the Script

Brenda learned the CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) approach and modern, evidence-based strategies for families:

Build the bridge first. Short, neutral lunches. No debates about use. “If you’re not under the influence, let’s eat.”
Separate the person from the addiction. Argue less with the “addiction voice,” connect more with the human beneath.
Reinforce healthy steps. Praise effort, not outcomes. Reward the behaviors you want more of.
Get curious, not combative. Substance use is a solution to pain (until it isn’t). If you rip away the only thing that “works,” expect resistance.
Get support for yourself. Coaching, groups, and therapists who understand addiction science shorten the family’s time in crisis.

Key Takeaways for Families

You can’t “logic” someone out of addiction. But you can influence change with connection, boundaries, and reinforcement.
Environment matters. A move (even temporary) away from triggers can be lifesaving.
Recovery is incremental. Think in days and inches, not months and miles.
Your other kids are absorbing everything. Watch for quiet suffering.
Educate early. Addiction science (fentanyl, high-potency THC, Xanax) + ADHD + trauma = real brain changes—and real hope with the right tools.

FAQ: Quick Answers for Worried Parents

Q: Isn’t “being nice” enabling?
A: Not if you’re following CRAFT principles. You’re reinforcing healthy behavior (showing up sober, communicating, working, attending care) and not rewarding use.

Q: Do consequences help?
A: Consequences matter, but connection plus clear, consistent contingencies works better than shame or power struggles.

Q: What if my loved one refuses treatment?
A: You still have leverage. Learn CRAFT skills, create a menu of helpful options, and reward any step toward health (doctor visit, therapy intake, meeting, job interview).

Q: How do I protect my sanity?
A: Join a parent group, work with a coach/therapist who uses CRAFT, set non-negotiable boundaries for safety and finances, and keep your own routines (sleep, nutrition, movement, connection).

From Marketing Exec to Family Advocate

After Enzo’s near-fatal overdose and long rehab, Brenda couldn’t go back to “business as usual.” She launched a podcast and now works with families, translating evidence-based tools into doable daily actions. Her message is simple:

“You did not cause this. You cannot control it. But you can influence it—and you don’t have to do it alone.”

If You’re in the Thick of It Right Now

Start with connection. One short, substance-free meal. No lectures. Just be there.
Pick one boundary you can keep. (e.g., no cash; rides only to work/appointments.)
Reinforce any healthy step. Sleep, meals, appointments, job shifts, classes.
Get a guide. A coach or clinician trained in CRAFT can cut months (even years) off the chaos.
Take the Boundaries Mini-Course: Learn calm, firm limits that don’t blow up connection.
Join the Advanced Skills Community: Coaching, tools, and people who get it.
Download Our Free Guides: Crisis scripts, CRAFT quick-start, overdose safety.
Book a 1:1 Consult: Create a step-by-step plan for your family.

Author’s Note

If this story sounds like yours, you’re not failing. You’re learning a new skillset for a new kind of problem. With the right tools, change is possible, sometimes slowly, then all at once.