The Real Reason You're Struggling Getting Sober

addicted spouse/partner conquer addiction the psycholocy of addiction Aug 13, 2024

The Real Reason You Can’t Stay Sober—And How to Overcome It

Staying sober is a battle that varies depending on what stage of recovery you’re in. If you’ve ever wondered why it seems impossible to stay sober even when you genuinely want to, the answer lies in the specific phase of sobriety you’re currently navigating. Over my 20+ years of helping people get and stay sober, I’ve identified three distinct phases of recovery, each with its own unique set of challenges and hidden obstacles.

In this post, I’ll break down these phases for you, revealing the common pitfalls at each stage and offering practical advice to help you stay on track. If you’re serious about overcoming addiction, whether for yourself or a loved one, this information is invaluable.

Phase 1: The First Few Days—Overcoming Withdrawal

If you’re struggling to stay sober for more than two to three days, the issue might be related to withdrawal. In the first 48 to 72 hours, withdrawal symptoms can hit their peak, making it incredibly challenging to get through this period without caving in. You might not even realize you’re experiencing withdrawal—perhaps you’re not having physical convulsions, but your anxiety is through the roof, you’re not sleeping, and you find yourself breaking down and relapsing.

The truth is, if you’re having trouble getting past the first few days, you may need medical help to get through the withdrawal process. This doesn’t always mean checking into a facility—sometimes, outpatient support or medication can make the process manageable enough to get over the initial hump.

Phase 2: Weeks 1 to 12—Post-Acute Withdrawal and the Pressure Cooker

If you can get past the first few days but find yourself relapsing within the first one to twelve weeks, you’re likely dealing with post-acute withdrawal. While you’re no longer in immediate physical danger, this phase is emotionally and mentally grueling. Your brain chemistry is still healing, and you’re probably not sleeping well. On top of that, you’re likely under intense pressure from relationships, finances, work, or school—all while trying to change a deeply ingrained habit.

The stress and emotional turmoil during this phase can deplete your willpower, leading to relapse. Everything about getting sober is outside your comfort zone, and the world around you may not be as supportive as you need. The key to surviving this phase is to keep your emotional and mental gas tank full—whether through enough sleep, positive reinforcement, or simply surrounding yourself with supportive people.

Phase 3: 3 Months to 1 Year—The Psychological Battle

If you’ve made it past the first three months but are struggling to stay sober between three months and a year, the challenge becomes more psychological. During this phase, you might find yourself talking yourself into a relapse. Self-pity, resentment, and something called “terminal uniqueness” can creep in, convincing you that your situation is either not that bad or too big to overcome.

You might start thinking you don’t really need to stay sober, or that your problem isn’t as severe as others’. On the flip side, you might feel overwhelmed, believing that staying sober is too difficult because of your unique circumstances. This is where self-awareness becomes crucial. Recognize these thought patterns and remind yourself that while these thoughts may contain a grain of truth, they’re not the whole truth.

How to Stay Sober: Practical Tips

Regardless of which phase you’re in, keeping your emotional gas tank full is essential to staying sober. Here are a few tips that can help:

Prioritize Sleep: Getting enough rest is vital for maintaining your willpower and emotional stability.
Seek Positive Reinforcement: Surround yourself with supportive people who can remind you of your progress and strengths. If you don’t have that, learn to give yourself the praise you deserve.
Watch Your Triggers: Stay aware of common triggers like hunger, anger, loneliness, and tiredness. These can quickly deplete your willpower and lead to relapse.
Focus on Self-Care: Whether it’s physical, emotional, or mental self-care, taking time to look after yourself can make a huge difference in your ability to stay sober.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re serious about staying sober, I encourage you to watch the videos linked below. They delve deeper into the science and psychology of recovery. And if you’re ready to take your recovery journey to the next level, consider applying for recovery coaching. Spots are limited, so be sure to check out the details if you’re interested.

Amber Hollingsworth

Watch these videos to help you along your recovery journey next: