How to Handle a Loved One's Relapse: Steps for Recovery and Support
Discovering that a loved one has relapsed after a period of progress can feel like a punch to the gut. It's overwhelming, heartbreaking, and often leaves you unsure of how to respond. While it's normal to feel a wave of emotions, how you handle the situation can make a big difference in what happens next. Although you can’t control their actions, your response can influence the outcome. Let’s walk through some essential steps to take that can help guide your loved one—and yourself—toward a healthier path.
1. Get Clear Before Taking Action
Before you take any steps, make sure you're confident that a relapse has occurred. If you’re only suspicious but not certain, it’s better to hold off on confronting them. I recommend watching my video on [How to Tell If Your Loved One Has Relapsed](#), which covers some clear indicators that might help you get clarity. Once you're about 80-90% sure, it’s time to move forward.
2. Address the Relapse Calmly
The scariest part of this journey might be the initial confrontation. You might worry that it’ll spark a big argument, and frankly, it could. But the key here is to approach the conversation with empathy, not accusations. When you’re ready to talk, consider starting with something like this:
"Hey, I could be wrong, but I’ve got a strong feeling that you’ve had a slip-up. I’m not freaking out, and I’m not here to attack you, but I needed to bring it up. I don’t want to feel like I’m hiding something from you, and I want to keep things honest between us."
They may deny it, minimize it, or even admit it fully. Either way, your goal is to get the issue on the table without escalating the situation.
3. Damage Control, Not Drama
When someone relapses, it's easy to feel like the world is crashing down, but resist the urge to react drastically. Avoid ultimatums or threats like, “That’s it, we’re done,” or “I’m leaving.” Instead, acknowledge the relapse without making it feel like a catastrophe.
Assure them that this isn’t the end of the road, but a bump on the path to recovery. This can be as simple as saying:
"Hey, this is a setback, not a total failure. We’re not back at square one. Let’s just take the next step and keep moving forward."
Overreacting could push them further into the relapse. By keeping your cool, you’re showing them that it’s possible to regain control without feeling like they’ve ruined everything.
4. Gauge Their Stage of Change
Understanding where your loved one is in their recovery process is crucial. People who relapse can fall into different "stages of change," which affect how they’ll respond. Some may immediately feel remorseful and eager to get back on track. Others might slip into denial, convincing themselves that they can control their substance use.
You’ll be able to tell based on their reactions. Are they saying things like, “It was just a mistake, I’ll get back on track”? That’s a good sign they’re still in the active stage of recovery. But if you hear statements like, “I think I can handle just a little bit” or “I never really had a problem, this is just you overreacting,” they may have slipped into denial or bargaining.
5. Match Your Response to Their Stage
This is one of the trickiest parts—figuring out how to respond based on where they are in their thinking. If they’re still committed to change, reinforce their motivation. If they’ve slipped into denial, it’s important not to panic. Stay calm and present accountability options that don’t feel like a punishment.
For instance, this could be a great moment to introduce an accountability tool like Soberlink. You might say:
"Okay, I understand if you feel like this is manageable. But if it turns out that it’s not, would you be open to using Soberlink as a way for us both to stay on the same page?"
Soberlink is a fantastic alcohol monitoring tool with facial recognition technology, and there’s virtually no way to cheat it. This approach helps them feel in control while still ensuring there’s accountability in place.
6. Plan Ahead and Stay Prepared
Think ahead about the next steps. If they do agree to an accountability measure, have a few resources ready, whether that’s counseling, recovery coaching, or a more intensive program. You don’t need to bring all of this up at once, but having a plan allows you to stay five steps ahead, ready to act when the time comes.
If you’re not familiar with the stages of change and how they impact recovery, be sure to check out this video to dive deeper into what each stage looks like and how to best support someone in each phase.
Relapse is tough—for both you and your loved one. But by staying calm, understanding where they are in their recovery, and offering compassionate accountability, you can help them find their way back to the path of healing without undoing all the progress they’ve made. Stay strong, stay hopeful, and remember: you’ve got more influence than you think.
🙋🏻♀️ FB group for family members
📆 Make An Appointment With One Of Our Specialists
50% Complete
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua.