When you have a loved one with addiction, the pain, suffering, and loneliness are sometimes overwhelming. Do you know what makes these feelings worse? Having someone else in the family in complete denial over the loved one's addiction.
It's particularly frustrating when you can see the problem but someone else is
sabotaging you behind the scenes.
We see this play out so often in our office. The person in denial is either a parent, grandparent and occasionally a sibling. This creates a big problem because you have
one person who doesn't want to believe that the person has an addiction. It can interfere with the whole process of getting the addicted person to recovery.
This happens in almost every case. I get it, it's uncomfortable to absorb this information and to sit with it. It's much like a grieving process.
The denial is a self-protective mechanism of some sort. Denial is always protecting you from something that you're not...
Where is the line between helping, supporting, enabling, and having empathy for someone struggling with an addiction? We're going to shed a little light on this for you so you can figure out what's helping and what's enabling.
I'm going to give you five reasons why being kind to someone, showing empathy, and even giving positive reinforcement can them figure out that they have an addiction problem way faster than when you try to do it more directly.
We get so frustrated and impatient dealing with someone who has an addiction because it's so clearly right there and it's just mind-blowing because the person with the addiction, can't see it. The more you push and try to get them to see the issue faster, the longer it takes them to get out of denial. When you come at someone directly like that, they immediately put their walls up and they get defensive. They'll no longer hear, listen, or even consider what you're saying. It's almost like a reflex even if they don't...
These five common communication mistakes are probably damaging your relationships. In fact, you may be doing them automatically but it's pushing people away from you. We're going to start from the least problematic and go to the most problematic mistake. I think you're going to be surprised by the fifth one, you're going to be like I can't believe a counselor said that but I think it's an important one!
When you hear these common mistakes people make, you're going to think, "oh I've done that before!" and it's okay because I've done all of these things before too. Anyone can benefit from understanding these five mistakes.
The first common communication mistake is the one-upper or relating to someone's story too soon. This one is probably the one that I'm most guilty of doing. For example, someone says, "oh my gosh I had the worst day!" Then they start telling you about their bad day and you start to relate to that because you're like "oh yeah I know what that's like"....
It's always easy looking from the outside-in to know what
someone else should do. Take it from me, a counselor, this is what I do all-day
every day. You don't need to be a counselor to be good at this, promise!
If you're watching a loved one, a friend, family member struggle with something, it's hard not to just jump in there and want to either fix it or tell them how to fix it. That can be a landmine of a situation.
You've probably stepped in it before, haven't you? I know that I have! When you offer someone advice there's a particular way that you need to go about it, otherwise, you're going to come across as a know-it-all, judgmental, or critical. Even worse, you're
going to get Charlie Brown'd... "Wah wah wah". They're not going to listen to you anyway, so in this video, I’m going to talk to you about what formula to use to give someone a piece of advice in a way that's going to feel helpful and supportive instead of critical and judgmental.
If you take no other piece of...
This live video with Campbell Manning will have you shocked at the depth of denial some of these families had.
We always think about denial being an issue that happens to people with drug or alcohol addiction, but denial happens to family members too.
We, as family members we see the signs and symptoms, but it's easy to rationalize it away. When you look at the big picture, you'll easily be able to see that you're dealing with a bigger problem. Most families don't want the problem to be addiction and that's what will keep a lot of families in denial. This denial will allow the addiction to continue on. Watch the video to find out how to spot denial and what to do about it.
Do you confront your loved one? Do you throw it away? Do you just leave it where it is? What do you do when you find your addicted loved ones hidden stash.
In this video, I give you practical ways to deal with this without starting a power struggle between you and your loved one. I think what I'm going to tell you is going to surprise you.
Learn how to talk with your loved ones about their addiction without arguing. https://www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/motivational-interviewing-session
We're going to be looking behind the scenes of addiction recovery. Family recovery coach Scott Nunnery will be sharing about his personal journey having two sons struggle with addiction, and also what he's learned since beginning to work in the field, trying to help others struggling with an addicted loved one.
To make an appointment with Scott (or any of our recovery specialists): https://www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/consultations
Download Scotts Do's and Dont's Checklist For Rebuilding Trust in Family Recovery: https://www.familyrecoveryacademy.online/scott-s-do-s-and-don-ts
It's easy to dismiss aggressive behaviors when dealing with someone who is intoxicated or addicted. You tell yourself that your addicted loved one didn't mean what they said or convince yourself that they only behaved that way because they were intoxicated. But, there are some behaviors you should never ignore. Here are the top 7 warning signs of violent or abusive behavior.
1. Any kind of physical behavior(pushing, throwing, shoving)
2. Intimidating behavior (Yelling, hurtful words)
3. Blocking/Restraining (Making it hard for you to leave or walk away)
4. Threats made to you or to harm themselves(Always take these threats seriously)
5. Raging (You can see/feel their rage coming out) Use reflective listening in this case.
6. Any time someone has an angry episode while they're under the influence.
7. When someone is going through withdrawal.
If any of these situations arise please do not ignore these types of behavior. These indicate trouble and are major warning signs that the...
Does your loved one's addiction make you feel angry, sad, anxious, resentful, hopeless, desperate, and exhausted? Does it make you act impulsively and irrationally? Do you say and do things you later regret?
You realize on some level that you're not the same person you used to be, right?
It's all of those emotions from your loved one's addiction that leads to making impulsive and desperate decisions and that leads to GUILT! You're living in the survival part of your brain which causes you to make irrational decisions.
In this video, I go through the three-step process of how you got here and give you the three-step process to dig yourself out and reclaim yourself, your emotions, and your identity!
These are the three fundamental laws of human behavior that you should never ignore if you or your loved one is trying to get sober. What motivates us? What makes some float in negative bubbles and make others grow tall in positivity and how does that relate to someone struggling with addiction?
From the book, "THE LAWS OF HUMAN NATURE".
Attitude determines reality- We react to what people put out toward us. If you believe that people never get better from addiction that's going to be the reality of your situation. When you have this attitude it's going to impact how you feel which is how you react to the world. You have to have the attitude or belief that your addicted love one can get better.
To look deeper into the other two laws, watch the full video!
FOR ANYONE WORKING TOWARD RECOVERY: 30 Day Jump Start: ...