Breaking the Cycle: How Self-Pity Can Trigger Relapse and How to Stop It

You've probably heard the saying, "Pride comes before the fall." But when it comes to addiction recovery, I’d argue that *self-pity* comes before the fall. Of course, many factors can lead to relapse, but the biggest and final domino that usually topples is self-pity. This mindset can sneak in, quietly giving us permission to slip back into old habits.

Why Does Self-Pity Lead to Relapse?

It’s simple—stressful events or emotional triggers can't cause us to relapse by themselves. They can only push us toward relapse if we *let* them. And the most common way we give ourselves permission to use again is by falling into a victim mindset. This way of thinking allows us to justify and rationalize why we "deserve" to fall back into addiction.

So, in addiction recovery, it's crucial to learn how to recognize and combat this negative thinking. But why do we even fall into the trap of self-pity in the first place?

The...

3 Simple Daily Rituals to Help You Maintain Sobriety: Tips from Amber Hollingsworth

Maintaining sobriety can feel like a daunting challenge, but doing a few simple daily rituals can make a significant difference in your recovery journey. In this blog post, we'll explore three effective habits that are easy to incorporate into your daily routine. Plus, we'll provide you with three free resources to support your journey and keep you on track.

1. Plan for Your Sobriety

When you commit to sobriety, it’s essential to plan how you’ll maintain it. Just like your addiction requires careful planning, so does your recovery. In the early stages, sobriety demands more effort and planning. Here’s how you can set yourself up for success:

- Create Accountability Set up systems to help you stay accountable. This could involve leaving cash and credit cards at home or choosing specific routes to avoid triggers.
- Prepare for Challenges: Plan activities that keep you engaged and away from temptation...

The Subtle Danger of Alcoholic Denial: Why It’s Different and How to Recognize It

Denial is a common trait among those struggling with addiction, but alcoholic denial is a unique beast altogether. It's trickier to identify and even more challenging to confront. If you're wondering why someone with a drinking problem doesn't see it—or if you suspect you might be in denial yourself—understanding these nuances can be the first step toward change.

In this post, we’ll explore 6 reasons why alcoholic denial differs from denial in other types of addiction and how it often goes unnoticed.

1. High Functionality Masks the Problem
One of the biggest reasons alcoholics often don’t realize they have a significant problem is because they’re highly functional in many areas of life. Unlike other addictions where the effects are more immediate and visible, alcohol can allow a person to maintain a seemingly normal life for years. They might hold down a demanding job, manage their household, or even ...

Strategies to Help a Loved One Overcome Alcohol Denial
Dealing with a loved one's alcoholism can be challenging, especially when they are in denial. In this blog post, we'll explore ten effective strategies to help someone confront their alcohol issues. These tips, compiled from the Put The Shovel Down YouTube channel, emphasize the importance of empathy, understanding, and subtlety in approaching a sensitive situation.

1. Turn in Your Detective Badge:
If you suspect a loved one has an alcohol problem, avoid becoming overly preoccupied with proving it. Constantly questioning and spying can lead to trust issues and a cat-and-mouse game. Instead, focus on building open communication and trust.

2. You Don't Need a Full Confession:
Understand that individuals with alcohol use disorders will manifest their struggles through unmanageability. Avoid trying to force confessions, as it may backfire. Allow them to recognize the need for change on their own terms.

3. Model Humility:
Admitting ...

Cracking the Code: A Real Talk Guide to Helping Your Loved One Overcome Addiction

Today's post is a deep dive into a topic that hits close to home for many of us: helping someone we care about overcome addiction. I recently discussed this on my YouTube channel, emphasizing the importance of not just knowing the steps to get sober but understanding how to get someone to want to take those steps. It's not about being a counselor; it's about being a genuine support system. Let's break down the key insights.

Step 1: Ditch the Bad Guy Role
The first challenge is stepping out of the "bad guy" role. When dealing with someone struggling with addiction, it's common to feel the urge to come down hard on them. But the magic happens when you align with them unexpectedly. Don't play into the expected anger; instead, be on their side. Acknowledge the unfairness of their situation because, well, it's true.

Step 2: Become the Trusted Advisor
Next up is earning the role of the trusted advisor. It's ...

Navigating the Complexities of Addiction: A Deep Dive into Dr. Deloney's Advice

In a recent episode of the Dr. Deloney Show, the host tackled a deeply personal and challenging situation: a man struggling with alcohol addiction, which had led to the breakdown of his marriage. As we delve into the conversation, we witness Dr. Deloney's skillful navigation through the layers of addiction, offering insights, empathy, and practical advice.

The Beginning: A Story of Struggle

The caller begins by sharing his journey, highlighting key events such as an alcohol withdrawal seizure and the passing of his grandfather. Dr. Deloney keenly observes the conflicting messages – the acknowledgment of a severe drinking problem contrasted with the belief that legal troubles don't validate the severity of the issue.

Identifying Patterns: Unraveling the Cycle

As the caller recounts his attempts at recovery – from treatment in California to involvement in recovery programs with his wife – Dr. Deloney d...

If you have an addicted loved one and want change, yelling, nagging, threatening, and pleading will do nothing except slow down the process. Stop trying those tactics. 

I've been treating people with addictions for 20 years and learned a lot over those 20 years. A lot about how to get someone out of denial, how people are thinking and feeling, how to remove roadblocks and help people decide to turn their life around. I'm here to help teach you everything I've learned...

I know it's hard not to yell, threaten, nag, and plead. It's an emotional reaction, and I feel this—the same way. Even after doing this for so long, I still want to do that. I have to fight it, and now and then, it still sneaks through.

Not only is it not practical to yell, nag, or threaten, but it will also not help you get your loved one to straighten up. Your loved one will run and get as far away as possible. Not only physically but also emotionally get far away.

Addiction counselors use a specialized motivati...