A campfire lesson that changed everything

“It’s a lot easier to stay warm than to get warm.”
That simple line—shared by a wilderness guide on a freezing Montana night—didn’t click for B. Reeves until years later. In recovery, it became the anchor: staying sober each day is a lot easier than starting over from a cold, miserable place.

This is B’s story of slow-burn addiction, family dynamics, near misses, and the quiet nudge that finally broke through.

Early patterns: divorce, attention, and the art of getting by

After his parents’ divorce, B learned to manipulate for affection, things, and freedom—a pattern that followed him into adulthood. His mom (the kind, steady English teacher turned entrepreneur) and his dad (the brilliant, larger-than-life writer) loved him, but their different styles sometimes softened consequences. That’s called enabling, and it often delays the moment change becomes possible.

Sports were connection points—golf with dad, tennis with mom—but as substa...

Have you ever felt like no matter what you say or do, you just can’t get through to your addicted loved one? Maybe they make promises to change, but nothing ever sticks. They stay stuck in denial, and you’re left feeling powerless.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and there’s hope. In this post, we’ll break down a powerful framework called the Motivation Matrix that helps families understand what actually motivates change, why typical approaches backfire, and how you can finally start moving your loved one in the right direction.

Why Punishment Backfires (and Keeps Your Loved One in Denial)

It’s natural to think that if addiction is ruining someone’s life, they’ll need to get uncomfortable before they decide to change. Families often turn up the heat with threats like:

• “If you don’t stop drinking, I’m taking the kids.”

• “If I find drugs in this house, I’ll call the cops.”

The problem? In the mind of someone with an addiction, those actions feel like punishme...

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Breaking the Relapse Cycle: Why You Keep Falling Back & How to Stop

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a relapse cycle—no matter how many times you try, you keep slipping back into the same old patterns? You’re not alone.

The truth is, most people struggling with addiction relapse in predictable ways. The key to breaking free isn’t willpower—it’s understanding your relapse patterns and triggers so you can step around them before they trip you up.

Why Willpower Isn’t Enough

When it comes to addiction recovery, many people believe they can simply “try harder.” They beat themselves up, remind themselves of all the consequences, and promise to do better next...

How Shame Fuels Addiction (and Keeps People in Denial)

Almost no one wakes up and says, “I think I’ll be the bad guy today.” In fact, most of us go through extraordinary lengths—often subconsciously—to avoid seeing ourselves as the villain. This is true for all of us, but it’s especially true for people struggling with addiction.

One of the biggest drivers behind addictive behavior is shame. The tricky part? Most people don’t even realize it’s there.

The Hidden Power of Shame

You probably know what shame feels like. But we’re usually not aware of when we’re experiencing it—especially in the moment. Shame tends to hang out under the surface, quietly influencing:

• How we feel

• How we see the world

• The decisions we make

• And ultimately… how we behave

When we don’t recognize shame, we naturally begin building psychological defenses to avoid it. Unfortunately, those same defense mechanisms are what keep people stuck in denial and trapped in the cycle of addict...

Rebuilding Intimacy After Addiction: How to Restore Emotional and Physical Connection in Recovery

By Amber Hollingsworth
*Featuring Matt & Sherry Ali from the Intoxicated Podcast

Addiction doesn’t just impact the person struggling—it shakes the foundation of the relationship they’re in. One of the most common challenges couples face in recovery is figuring out how to restore emotional and physical intimacy after addiction has created distance, resentment, and mistrust.

Today, I’m thrilled to share insights from Matt and Sherry Ali, co-hosts of the Intoxicated Podcast, who have walked this path themselves. Matt is in long-term recovery from alcohol use disorder. Together, they’ve faced—and overcome—the unique challenges of rebuilding intimacy after addiction.

They’re here to talk openly about sexual desire discrepancies, emotional safety, and practical steps any couple can take to reconnect.

The Hidden Struggle: Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Recovery

According to Matt and Sherry’...

When we think about aggression and violence in relationships, the narrative often centers on men as the perpetrators. But what happens when the roles are reversed? Society tends to downplay or dismiss violent behavior from women, especially when alcohol is involved. This oversight can have devastating consequences, as seen in several recent high-profile cases.

The Cases That Demand Attention

1. Courtney Clenney and Christian Obumseli
   Courtney Clenney, an OnlyFans model, fatally stabbed her boyfriend, Christian Obumseli, in their Miami apartment. Reports revealed a history of volatile and aggressive behavior, often fueled by alcohol. Despite clear warning signs, her behavior was overlooked or excused until it escalated to tragedy.
2. Melissa Turner and Matthew Trussler
   Melissa Turner, a cosplayer, was convicted of killing her boyfriend, Matthew Trussler, during a drunken argument. Evidence showed a pattern of aggression when she drank, but like many cases, it was brushed aside as “just t...

 You Found Evidence Your Loved One Relapsed, Now What?

You thought things were going well. Your loved one said they were sober. Life felt stable—maybe even hopeful again. Then one day, while taking out the trash or sorting through laundry, you find something: an empty bottle. A piece of paraphernalia. A receipt that just doesn’t add up.

Suddenly, your heart sinks.

Are they using again?
Were they lying this whole time?
What do I even do now?

If you’ve been here, you know this moment well. It’s emotional. Confusing. Sometimes even paralyzing. And it’s exactly the type of crisis moment that can either blow up into chaos—or become a turning point.

First Things First: Take a Breath

When you find evidence of a possible relapse, you’re going to feel angry, hurt, scared, and betrayed. That’s normal. Those feelings are valid.

But before you confront them or go full CSI-mode, pause. The way you respond in this moment matters a lot.

Reacting with yelling, accusations, or passive-aggress...

A Tragic Wake-Up Call: Addiction, Denial, and the Hidden Dangers to Our Children

Last week, I came across a story that sent chills down my spine, and I haven’t been able to shake it since. As someone who works with families impacted by addiction every day, this one hit especially hard. Not just because of the heartbreaking outcome, but because it could easily happen to any family dealing with substance abuse behind closed doors.

I was driving home from work, listening to one of my favorite true crime creators, Stephanie Harlow. Her newest case was about a 2-year-old girl named Parker Chez, who tragically died after being left in a hot car on a day when temperatures soared above 100 degrees. That alone is gut-wrenching, but it’s the addiction component woven into the story that made it feel painfully familiar.

The Hidden Addiction Behind the Headlines

Parker’s father, Christopher, was the primary caregiver while the mother, Erica, a medical professional, was the main breadwinner. ...

The Truth About Helping an Addicted Loved One: 3 Strategies That Actually Work

If you're trying to help someone struggling with addiction, you've probably been given the same old advice over and over again:

• Use tough love and let them hit rock bottom.

• Stage a dramatic intervention.

• Or do nothing and hope they eventually want to change.

But what if there was a better, smarter fourth option?
An approach that doesn't wreck your relationship or your sanity but still moves your loved one toward recovery.

Option #1: The Tough Love Approach

You've probably heard this one before:
"Kick them out. Cut them off. Let them hit bottom."

It's been the go-to strategy for decades. And while it can seem empowering at first, here's the truth:

Tough love has a high emotional cost—and a low success rate.

Let's be real: addiction continues despite consequences. That's the definition of addiction. At the same time, natural consequences can play a role in helping someone see th...

How to Help Someone With Addiction Get Better Faster

If you're doing everything you can to help a loved one struggling with addiction and wishing the recovery process could just go faster—you’re not alone. The good news? There is a way to accelerate the journey from addiction to recovery—and it all starts with understanding their mindset and using proven strategies to shift it.

This post breaks down actionable techniques that help family members guide their loved ones through the hardest parts of recovery. These tips come from more than 20 years of experience in addiction counseling, and they work.

Why Denial Is the First Roadblock

This blog is the third part of our crash course on denial. If you haven’t seen the first two videos, they focus on how to get your loved one to face the truth—because change starts with acknowledgment.

Once they begin to recognize that everything isn’t fine, the discomfort can create an opening for change. But if you want to take things a step further...