Do Addicts Mean the Hurtful Things They Say? Understanding Addiction and Empathy

Have you ever wondered, Do addicts mean the hurtful things they say? If so, you’re not alone. This is a question I recently received from a viewer, and I know many of you may be struggling with the same concern.

So, let’s break it down—do they mean it? The answer is yes, no, and sometimes. Confusing, right? Let’s dive deeper so you can understand when they mean it when they don’t and why addiction often seems to strip away empathy.

How Addiction Affects Thoughts, Emotions, and Behavior

People in active addiction are often operating from a place of intoxication, desperation, or defensiveness—and all three can impact what they say and how they act. Understanding these states can help you make sense of their words and behavior.

1. Intoxication: Truth, Distortion, and No Filter

Substances like alcohol and drugs alter brain function, making it hard for a person to regulate their emotions and thoughts.

Setting Boundaries with a Loved One Struggling with Addiction: Avoid These 3 Common Mistakes

Loving someone with an addiction is incredibly difficult and heartbreaking. Of course, you want to help them, but you also have to protect yourself. And as you probably already know, that can be very, very challenging. Keep reading to discover crucial tips on avoiding the top three most common boundary mistakes—and what to do instead.

These top three boundary mistakes might not be what you’re expecting, so stay with me—there’s logic behind them.

Boundary Mistake #1: Setting Too Many Boundaries

When you love someone with an addiction, their substance use impacts not just them but you, too. It’s completely natural to want to control their behavior in an attempt to shield yourself from the chaos. This often leads to setting too many boundaries—rules about what they can and cannot do, expecting them to comply.

But here’s the catch: boundaries are about what you will and won’t accept, not a...

The Truth About Alcohol and Anxiety: Breaking the Cycle

For many of us, a drink at the end of a hard day feels like the easiest way to unwind. Whether it’s a couple of cocktails after work, a glass of wine to pair with dinner, or a weekend toast with friends, alcohol often becomes the go-to solution for stress and anxiety relief. But here’s the thing—while it might feel like alcohol calms your nerves in the moment, it’s actually setting you up for more anxiety in the long run.

I know that’s not a popular message but stick with me. I’m going to explain the science behind why alcohol isn’t the anxiety cure it seems to be and how it can actually make things worse. Trust me, you’ll want to understand this if you’re serious about breaking free from the anxiety-alcohol cycle.

Why Alcohol Feels Like It Helps (At First)

When you take that first sip of alcohol, your brain gets a temporary “chill pill.” Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, which means it slows things down in you...

How to Break Through Defensiveness: Proven Techniques for Overcoming Resistance in Conversations

Breaking through defensiveness can feel like an uphill battle, especially when you’re trying to address sensitive topics like addiction or personal growth. Whether you're speaking to a loved one or even confronting your own resistance, understanding how to navigate these interactions is key to making progress. In this post, I’m sharing my top strategies for reducing defensiveness, honed over 20+ years as a Master Addiction Counselor.

Why Defensiveness Happens

Defensiveness often happens when someone feels criticized, judged, or pushed into a corner. Even well-intentioned conversations can trigger this response. If you’ve ever brought up a concern only to be met with excuses, counterarguments, or blame-shifting, you’ve experienced the roadblocks defensiveness creates.

The good news? With the right approach, you can disarm defensiveness and foster meaningful, open dialogue.

The #1 Te...

Loving an Addict: How It Impacts You and How to Take Back Control

Loving an addict or alcoholic can make you feel like you're losing your mind. While "crazy" may not be a clinical term, it's the only word that captures the emotional chaos so many of us experience in these situations. You lose yourself, your sense of stability, and sometimes, even your identity. If this resonates with you, know you're not alone—and you're in the right place.

I’m Amber Hollingsworth, a master addiction counselor with over 20 years of experience. On my YouTube channel, I aim to help families navigate the impact of addiction. We will unpack the emotional toll of loving someone with addiction, the mental rollercoaster you’re on, and—most importantly—how to start reclaiming your sanity.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

When you're closely connected to someone struggling with addiction, your emotional brain (your limbic system) syncs up with theirs. It's almost magnetic. Ever notice how being around anxiou...

Gray Area Thinking: Understanding Addiction on the Spectrum

Addiction isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. It exists on a spectrum, with a gray area between casual use and full-blown addiction. This "gray area thinking" is where many people find themselves—not sure if their substance use is problematic, yet not identifying as an addict or alcoholic. If that resonates with you, you’re in the right place.

In today’s blog, we’ll explore gray area thinking, how it differs from gray area drinking, and what you can do if you’re navigating this confusing middle ground.

Signs of Gray Area Thinking

Gray area thinking often involves conflicting feelings about your substance use. You may:

1. Vacillate between concern and dismissal – You promise yourself to cut back but later convince yourself it's not a big deal.
2. Avoid discussing your substance use – Fear of judgment or pressure to change makes you reluctant to open up.
3. Experience negative impacts – Your substance use may not dominate you...

Could Ozempic Be the Key to Tackling Addiction?

You’ve probably heard all the buzz about Ozempic, hailed by many as a breakthrough weight-loss drug. But did you know its active ingredient, semaglutide, might also hold promise in a completely different area—addiction? That’s right, folks are buzzing about its potential to curb addictive behaviors, and while there’s no published research on it just yet, the anecdotal evidence is piling up. Let’s dive in.

From Weight Loss to Addiction Control?

Semaglutide works by mimicking a hormone that helps you feel full faster, which is why it’s so effective for weight loss. But here’s where things get interesting: countless users on platforms like Reddit are claiming that the drug has unexpectedly helped them reduce or eliminate other behaviors, from drinking and smoking to compulsive shopping and even skin-picking.

While these are just personal stories (not hard science), the consistency of these experiences is enough to make you wonder—cou...

Running on Empty: How to Refill Your Cup When Supporting a Loved One with Addiction

Supporting someone struggling with addiction is one of the toughest roads to walk. You love them, you care for them, and you want to help them through this dark journey. But let’s be real: you’re exhausted, anxious, and maybe even resentful. You're running on fumes, and then you stumble upon advice to “stay positive” or “listen more patiently.” And you think to yourself, "How am I supposed to do that when I’ve got nothing left to give?"

The Empty Cup Dilemma

You’ve probably heard the saying: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” And right now, your cup is bone dry. In this guide, we’re going to talk about how to refill your emotional reserves so you can continue being the supportive, loving person you want to be. Your needs matter, too.

I’m Amber Hollingsworth, a Master Addiction Counselor, and on my YouTube channel, Put The Shovel Down, I focus on both perspectives: the person dealing with addic...

Unlock Self-Awareness and Transform Your Life with These 3 Questions

Too often, we move through our days on autopilot, never stopping to reflect on the motivations behind our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. But what if you took a few moments each day to pause, reflect, and ask yourself three transformational questions? These questions can unlock self-awareness, help you grow personally, and strengthen your relationships.

Whether you're on a personal recovery journey or navigating family recovery, self-awareness and self-honesty are essential for lasting change. These daily reflections will challenge you to get honest with yourself and build the habit of integrity over time.

Here are the three powerful questions to ask yourself every night.

1. Was I Resentful Today?

Resentment can quietly build, turning into self-pity and leading to poor decisions. It’s like a low-level anger that simmers under the surface. Identifying resentment is critical for personal growth and recovery ...

How to Support an Addicted Loved One Without Losing Yourself

Supporting a loved one through addiction is one of the most challenging journeys a person can face. While your love and commitment are unwavering, you may find yourself feeling drained, anxious, and resentful. You’re running on empty, yet everyone tells you to “be positive” and “stay supportive.”

But how do you do that when there’s nothing left to give? It’s time to focus on filling your own cup so you can continue to show up for them—and yourself.

Understanding the Impact of Addiction on Family Members

When addiction affects someone you care about, it often consumes not just their life but yours as well. It’s easy to get caught in a cycle of overthinking, worrying, and feeling responsible for their recovery. This obsession can leave you emotionally, physically, and financially depleted.

Remember this: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Supporting your loved one requires emotional resources, and to stay five steps ahead ...