Watch part 1 of Enzo's story here.

 “We’re Out of Our Parenting Skillset”

When Brenda picked up her 16-year-old son Enzo from a homeless youth shelter after a drug-fueled road trip, she saw a glimpse of where addiction was taking him—the smell, the vacant eyes, the speed at which life was unraveling. Not long after, came the call every parent dreads: Enzo overdosed. Doctors told the family to gather—he might not live through the night.

This is a true, unfiltered look at a family’s battle with addiction (fentanyl, Xanax, and more), ADHD’s early role, failed starts with treatment, and the life-and-death turning point that led to a different path. It’s painful, honest—and ultimately hopeful.

Early Signs No One Teaches You to See

• Gifted + ADHD (Twice-Exceptional): From third grade on, Enzo was bright, articulate, and also struggling. Meds muted him; no meds made school a war zone.

• Family turbulence: Divorce felt “amicable” to adults, but for Enzo’s black-and-white thinki...

 Read Part 1 first: 

A Brother’s Story: Addiction, Family Bonds, and the Long Road to Recovery

Addiction doesn’t just affect the person using—it ripples through families, testing love, patience, and resilience. In this raw and heartfelt story, Dan Reeves opens up about growing up with his older brother, B, and the complicated mix of admiration, frustration, and hope that shaped their relationship.

B was—and still is—one of the smartest, funniest, and most charismatic people Dan has ever known. But beneath the charm was a long struggle with alcohol and opioids that nearly cost B everything.

Growing Up Together

Dan and B Reeves were inseparable as kids. They shared a wild streak, tested boundaries, and found themselves in situations that most teenagers eventually outgrow. But while Dan eventually slowed down, B’s “all-in” personality made him more vulnerable to the grip of addiction.

Their parents, though divorced, were loving and supportive, giving both boys the freedom to find th...

The Truth About Helping an Addicted Loved One: 3 Strategies That Actually Work

If you're trying to help someone struggling with addiction, you've probably been given the same old advice over and over again:

• Use tough love and let them hit rock bottom.

• Stage a dramatic intervention.

• Or do nothing and hope they eventually want to change.

But what if there was a better, smarter fourth option?
An approach that doesn't wreck your relationship or your sanity but still moves your loved one toward recovery.

Option #1: The Tough Love Approach

You've probably heard this one before:
"Kick them out. Cut them off. Let them hit bottom."

It's been the go-to strategy for decades. And while it can seem empowering at first, here's the truth:

Tough love has a high emotional cost—and a low success rate.

Let's be real: addiction continues despite consequences. That's the definition of addiction. At the same time, natural consequences can play a role in helping someone see th...

How to Understand and Handle Denial: A Game-Changer for Dealing With Addiction

If you’ve ever felt frustrated trying to help a loved one who just can’t see how bad things have gotten — or if you’ve caught yourself minimizing your own unhealthy behaviors — you’re not alone. There’s a powerful psychological concept that explains this all too well, and once you grasp it, it will forever change how you handle denial in yourself and in others.

Welcome to Put the Shovel Down

Hi, I’m Amber Hollingsworth, creator of Put the Shovel Down — the YouTube channel designed to help you master the science and psychology of addiction so you can stay five steps ahead. With over 20 years of experience helping individuals and families overcome addiction, I’m here to remind you: You are NOT powerless.

Today, we’re digging deep into a truth about denial that most people overlook — and how you can actually work with it, not against it.

The Fancy Word You Already Know: Cognitive Dissonance

Let’s get st...

How to Respond When Your Addicted Loved One Refuses Help: A Step-by-Step Guide

Are you exhausted from hearing excuses after excuses from your addicted loved one?
If you’re stuck in the frustrating cycle of “I’m not that bad,” or “I can quit on my own,” you’re not alone—and you’re exactly where you need to be.

This guide is going to give you the tools to not just cope with the resistance, but to navigate through it with confidence and strategy.

Let’s talk about how to stop spinning your wheels and start making progress—even when your loved one says they’re “not ready.”

🎯 Top 10 Excuses Addicted People Use to Avoid Getting Help

First, let’s call out the most common objections you’ve probably heard:

1. "I’m not that bad."

2. "I can stop whenever I want."

3. "I don’t have time."

4. "I don’t want to leave my kids/family."

5. "People will judge me."

6. "I've tried before and it didn’t work."

7. "I don’t want to talk to strangers."

8. "I’m not ready yet."

9. "I don’t tr...

The Real Reason You Can’t Get Through to Your Addicted Loved One — And What Actually Works

If you’re watching your loved one spiral deeper into addiction while still showing up to work, paying some bills, or pretending “everything’s fine,” you’re in the hardest place to be: the messy middle. That gray area where they’re just functional enough to stay in denial, but deep in the cycle of substance use.

You’ve likely begged. You’ve threatened. You’ve cried. You’ve prayed. You’ve tried everything... and it still feels like you're losing them.

The truth? It’s not that your loved one can’t recover — it’s that the way you’re trying to help isn’t working. But there’s good news: there’s a better way, and it starts with getting out of the “bad guy” role.

Why Your Efforts Haven’t Worked (Yet)

Let’s break down the hard truth: most families unintentionally push their loved one further away by trying to force awareness, rush the recovery process, or confront them with shame. Here's what that ...

Do Addicts Mean the Hurtful Things They Say? Understanding Addiction and Empathy

Have you ever wondered, Do addicts mean the hurtful things they say? If so, you’re not alone. This is a question I recently received from a viewer, and I know many of you may be struggling with the same concern.

So, let’s break it down—do they mean it? The answer is yes, no, and sometimes. Confusing, right? Let’s dive deeper so you can understand when they mean it when they don’t and why addiction often seems to strip away empathy.

How Addiction Affects Thoughts, Emotions, and Behavior

People in active addiction are often operating from a place of intoxication, desperation, or defensiveness—and all three can impact what they say and how they act. Understanding these states can help you make sense of their words and behavior.

1. Intoxication: Truth, Distortion, and No Filter

Substances like alcohol and drugs alter brain function, making it hard for a person to regulate their emotions and thoughts.

How to Handle a Loved One's Relapse: Steps for Recovery and Support

Discovering that a loved one has relapsed after a period of progress can feel like a punch to the gut. It's overwhelming, heartbreaking, and often leaves you unsure of how to respond. While it's normal to feel a wave of emotions, how you handle the situation can make a big difference in what happens next. Although you can’t control their actions, your response can influence the outcome. Let’s walk through some essential steps to take that can help guide your loved one—and yourself—toward a healthier path.

1. Get Clear Before Taking Action
Before you take any steps, make sure you're confident that a relapse has occurred. If you’re only suspicious but not certain, it’s better to hold off on confronting them. I recommend watching my video on [How to Tell If Your Loved One Has Relapsed](#), which covers some clear indicators that might help you get clarity. Once you're about 80-90% sure, it’s time to move forward.

2. A...

Healing from Betrayal Trauma: A Comprehensive Guide

Betrayal trauma is one of the most challenging experiences to navigate, especially when you’ve chosen to stay in the relationship. This complex issue requires a deep dive into the myriad steps necessary to get back on track after a major deception or betrayal has occurred.

Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Typically, when we think of betrayal trauma, an affair often comes to mind. However, betrayal can also stem from having a spouse or partner with an addiction. If you find yourself in either of these situations and have decided to work through it, you’re facing significant challenges—not just self-doubt but also doubts from those around you and possibly even your partner.

The Road to Healing

Healing from betrayal trauma is a murky and long journey, but it is possible. The first step is understanding what you’re dealing with. This blog explores the perspectives of both the betrayed and the betrayer, recognizing that there is trauma...

How to Make Someone Want to Get Sober: A Step-by-Step Guide

Some of you may be skeptical just reading the title: "How to Make Someone Want to Get Sober." Before diving into this post, you're likely thinking, "You can't make someone get sober. They have to want it for themselves." You're right, to a large degree. But there's more to the story. While you can't make someone get sober, you can influence them to want to pursue sobriety. Here's how.

The Influence Factor

First, let's address the elephant in the room: you can't force sobriety on anyone. The person struggling with addiction has to put in the work themselves. However, as someone close to them, you play a crucial role in influencing their journey towards sobriety.

Imagine trying to make someone want to spend more time with you. There are subtle ways you can influence their feelings and decisions. Similarly, there are strategies to encourage someone to consider sobriety.

Understanding Emotional Triggers

We all have emotion...