The Real Reason You Can’t Get Through to Your Addicted Loved One — And What Actually Works

If you’re watching your loved one spiral deeper into addiction while still showing up to work, paying some bills, or pretending “everything’s fine,” you’re in the hardest place to be: the messy middle. That gray area where they’re just functional enough to stay in denial, but deep in the cycle of substance use.

You’ve likely begged. You’ve threatened. You’ve cried. You’ve prayed. You’ve tried everything... and it still feels like you're losing them.

The truth? It’s not that your loved one can’t recover — it’s that the way you’re trying to help isn’t working. But there’s good news: there’s a better way, and it starts with getting out of the “bad guy” role.

Why Your Efforts Haven’t Worked (Yet)

Let’s break down the hard truth: most families unintentionally push their loved one further away by trying to force awareness, rush the recovery process, or confront them with shame. Here's what that ...

Do Addicts Mean the Hurtful Things They Say? Understanding Addiction and Empathy

Have you ever wondered, Do addicts mean the hurtful things they say? If so, you’re not alone. This is a question I recently received from a viewer, and I know many of you may be struggling with the same concern.

So, let’s break it down—do they mean it? The answer is yes, no, and sometimes. Confusing, right? Let’s dive deeper so you can understand when they mean it when they don’t and why addiction often seems to strip away empathy.

How Addiction Affects Thoughts, Emotions, and Behavior

People in active addiction are often operating from a place of intoxication, desperation, or defensiveness—and all three can impact what they say and how they act. Understanding these states can help you make sense of their words and behavior.

1. Intoxication: Truth, Distortion, and No Filter

Substances like alcohol and drugs alter brain function, making it hard for a person to regulate their emotions and thoughts.

How to Handle a Loved One's Relapse: Steps for Recovery and Support

Discovering that a loved one has relapsed after a period of progress can feel like a punch to the gut. It's overwhelming, heartbreaking, and often leaves you unsure of how to respond. While it's normal to feel a wave of emotions, how you handle the situation can make a big difference in what happens next. Although you can’t control their actions, your response can influence the outcome. Let’s walk through some essential steps to take that can help guide your loved one—and yourself—toward a healthier path.

1. Get Clear Before Taking Action
Before you take any steps, make sure you're confident that a relapse has occurred. If you’re only suspicious but not certain, it’s better to hold off on confronting them. I recommend watching my video on [How to Tell If Your Loved One Has Relapsed](#), which covers some clear indicators that might help you get clarity. Once you're about 80-90% sure, it’s time to move forward.

2. A...

Healing from Betrayal Trauma: A Comprehensive Guide

Betrayal trauma is one of the most challenging experiences to navigate, especially when you’ve chosen to stay in the relationship. This complex issue requires a deep dive into the myriad steps necessary to get back on track after a major deception or betrayal has occurred.

Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Typically, when we think of betrayal trauma, an affair often comes to mind. However, betrayal can also stem from having a spouse or partner with an addiction. If you find yourself in either of these situations and have decided to work through it, you’re facing significant challenges—not just self-doubt but also doubts from those around you and possibly even your partner.

The Road to Healing

Healing from betrayal trauma is a murky and long journey, but it is possible. The first step is understanding what you’re dealing with. This blog explores the perspectives of both the betrayed and the betrayer, recognizing that there is trauma...

How to Make Someone Want to Get Sober: A Step-by-Step Guide

Some of you may be skeptical just reading the title: "How to Make Someone Want to Get Sober." Before diving into this post, you're likely thinking, "You can't make someone get sober. They have to want it for themselves." You're right, to a large degree. But there's more to the story. While you can't make someone get sober, you can influence them to want to pursue sobriety. Here's how.

The Influence Factor

First, let's address the elephant in the room: you can't force sobriety on anyone. The person struggling with addiction has to put in the work themselves. However, as someone close to them, you play a crucial role in influencing their journey towards sobriety.

Imagine trying to make someone want to spend more time with you. There are subtle ways you can influence their feelings and decisions. Similarly, there are strategies to encourage someone to consider sobriety.

Understanding Emotional Triggers

We all have emotion...

Recognizing the Warning Signs: Is Your Drinking Becoming a Problem?

Today, we're diving into a crucial topic that often lurks in the shadows of denial: alcohol consumption and its potential pitfalls. In this blog post, we're breaking down the insights shared by Amber Hollingsworth, a seasoned Master Addiction Counselor, from her enlightening YouTube video.

In her compelling video, Amber emphasizes the importance of recognizing the early signs of problematic drinking behavior. She brings over 20 years of experience to the table, aiming to empower individuals to intervene before alcohol takes control.

The Five Major Signs:
Let's dissect the five major warning signs Amber highlights:

1. Over-Drinking Patterns:
- Do you often surpass your intended limits?
- Alcohol disrupts the brain's control mechanisms, leading to overindulgence.

2. Recurring Regrets:
- Have you experienced regrettable actions under the influence?
- Frequent remorse signifies a deeper issue that demands attention.

Convincing Someone to Seek Addiction Help: Tips from Amber Hollingsworth

Are you struggling to persuade a loved one to seek help for addiction? Amber Hollingsworth, a seasoned Master Addiction Counselor, shares invaluable insights gained from over two decades in the field. Here's a breakdown of her expert advice:

1. Mind Your Tone: Approach the conversation with calmness and empathy. Avoid conveying fear or frustration, as it can trigger resistance.

2. Set the Stage: Ensure the individual acknowledges their addiction before initiating the discussion about seeking help.

3. Identify Motivators and Roadblocks: Compile a list of what motivates them to change and the potential barriers they face. This insight aids in tailoring your approach.

4. Active Listening: Engage in active listening to understand their perspective better and gather essential information for later use.

5. Avoid Mislabeling Intentions: Refrain from assigning negative intentions to their actions. Instead, acknowl...

Navigating the Maze of Addiction: Tailoring Your Approach Based on Personality

Dealing with a loved one battling addiction is an intricate journey, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. In this video transcript, we delve into the importance of understanding your addicted loved one's personality to tailor your approach effectively. As we emphasize on staying five steps ahead of addiction, individual differences become crucial considerations in your support strategy.

Identifying Personality Traits:

Every person is unique, and addiction doesn't manifest the same way for everyone. Recognizing your loved one's personality traits, such as avoidance, confrontational tendencies, or trust issues, becomes pivotal in devising a strategic plan for support.

Case in Point:

The transcript recounts a scenario where a person, initially following general advice, discovered a shift in their loved one's behavior. Upon learning that the loved one was a direct communicator, the approach was adju...

Navigating Relationships with Loved Ones Struggling with Addiction: Expert Advice

Question 1: How do I kindly tell my 31-year-old son in Tennessee that he is not welcome to visit until he can demonstrate that he's not just looking for a new place to live?

Answer: When faced with a situation like this, it's essential to approach the conversation with kindness and understanding. Consider the reasons behind your hesitation to have your son visit – whether it's concerned about him moving back in, causing conflicts, or substance abuse issues. If he asks to visit, you can suggest meeting somewhere neutral, like dinner, to avoid potential complications. If he directly asks to come and stay with you, express your love and support but kindly explain that living together might not be the best option for your relationship. Encourage him to come up with an alternative plan.

Question 2: Recently, my son said adamantly that he would rather commit suicide than go through detox; he uses fentanyl ...