How to Break Through Defensiveness: Proven Techniques for Overcoming Resistance in Conversations

Breaking through defensiveness can feel like an uphill battle, especially when you’re trying to address sensitive topics like addiction or personal growth. Whether you're speaking to a loved one or even confronting your own resistance, understanding how to navigate these interactions is key to making progress. In this post, I’m sharing my top strategies for reducing defensiveness, honed over 20+ years as a Master Addiction Counselor.

Why Defensiveness Happens

Defensiveness often happens when someone feels criticized, judged, or pushed into a corner. Even well-intentioned conversations can trigger this response. If you’ve ever brought up a concern only to be met with excuses, counterarguments, or blame-shifting, you’ve experienced the roadblocks defensiveness creates.

The good news? With the right approach, you can disarm defensiveness and foster meaningful, open dialogue.

The #1 Te...

Loving an Addict: How It Impacts You and How to Take Back Control

Loving an addict or alcoholic can make you feel like you're losing your mind. While "crazy" may not be a clinical term, it's the only word that captures the emotional chaos so many of us experience in these situations. You lose yourself, your sense of stability, and sometimes, even your identity. If this resonates with you, know you're not alone—and you're in the right place.

I’m Amber Hollingsworth, a master addiction counselor with over 20 years of experience. On my YouTube channel, I aim to help families navigate the impact of addiction. We will unpack the emotional toll of loving someone with addiction, the mental rollercoaster you’re on, and—most importantly—how to start reclaiming your sanity.

The Emotional Rollercoaster

When you're closely connected to someone struggling with addiction, your emotional brain (your limbic system) syncs up with theirs. It's almost magnetic. Ever notice how being around anxiou...

Gray Area Thinking: Understanding Addiction on the Spectrum

Addiction isn’t a one-size-fits-all situation. It exists on a spectrum, with a gray area between casual use and full-blown addiction. This "gray area thinking" is where many people find themselves—not sure if their substance use is problematic, yet not identifying as an addict or alcoholic. If that resonates with you, you’re in the right place.

In today’s blog, we’ll explore gray area thinking, how it differs from gray area drinking, and what you can do if you’re navigating this confusing middle ground.

Signs of Gray Area Thinking

Gray area thinking often involves conflicting feelings about your substance use. You may:

1. Vacillate between concern and dismissal – You promise yourself to cut back but later convince yourself it's not a big deal.
2. Avoid discussing your substance use – Fear of judgment or pressure to change makes you reluctant to open up.
3. Experience negative impacts – Your substance use may not dominate you...

Could Ozempic Be the Key to Tackling Addiction?

You’ve probably heard all the buzz about Ozempic, hailed by many as a breakthrough weight-loss drug. But did you know its active ingredient, semaglutide, might also hold promise in a completely different area—addiction? That’s right, folks are buzzing about its potential to curb addictive behaviors, and while there’s no published research on it just yet, the anecdotal evidence is piling up. Let’s dive in.

From Weight Loss to Addiction Control?

Semaglutide works by mimicking a hormone that helps you feel full faster, which is why it’s so effective for weight loss. But here’s where things get interesting: countless users on platforms like Reddit are claiming that the drug has unexpectedly helped them reduce or eliminate other behaviors, from drinking and smoking to compulsive shopping and even skin-picking.

While these are just personal stories (not hard science), the consistency of these experiences is enough to make you wonder—cou...

Running on Empty: How to Refill Your Cup When Supporting a Loved One with Addiction

Supporting someone struggling with addiction is one of the toughest roads to walk. You love them, you care for them, and you want to help them through this dark journey. But let’s be real: you’re exhausted, anxious, and maybe even resentful. You're running on fumes, and then you stumble upon advice to “stay positive” or “listen more patiently.” And you think to yourself, "How am I supposed to do that when I’ve got nothing left to give?"

The Empty Cup Dilemma

You’ve probably heard the saying: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” And right now, your cup is bone dry. In this guide, we’re going to talk about how to refill your emotional reserves so you can continue being the supportive, loving person you want to be. Your needs matter, too.

I’m Amber Hollingsworth, a Master Addiction Counselor, and on my YouTube channel, Put The Shovel Down, I focus on both perspectives: the person dealing with addic...

Unlock Self-Awareness and Transform Your Life with These 3 Questions

Too often, we move through our days on autopilot, never stopping to reflect on the motivations behind our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. But what if you took a few moments each day to pause, reflect, and ask yourself three transformational questions? These questions can unlock self-awareness, help you grow personally, and strengthen your relationships.

Whether you're on a personal recovery journey or navigating family recovery, self-awareness and self-honesty are essential for lasting change. These daily reflections will challenge you to get honest with yourself and build the habit of integrity over time.

Here are the three powerful questions to ask yourself every night.

1. Was I Resentful Today?

Resentment can quietly build, turning into self-pity and leading to poor decisions. It’s like a low-level anger that simmers under the surface. Identifying resentment is critical for personal growth and recovery ...

How to Support an Addicted Loved One Without Losing Yourself

Supporting a loved one through addiction is one of the most challenging journeys a person can face. While your love and commitment are unwavering, you may find yourself feeling drained, anxious, and resentful. You’re running on empty, yet everyone tells you to “be positive” and “stay supportive.”

But how do you do that when there’s nothing left to give? It’s time to focus on filling your own cup so you can continue to show up for them—and yourself.

Understanding the Impact of Addiction on Family Members

When addiction affects someone you care about, it often consumes not just their life but yours as well. It’s easy to get caught in a cycle of overthinking, worrying, and feeling responsible for their recovery. This obsession can leave you emotionally, physically, and financially depleted.

Remember this: you cannot pour from an empty cup. Supporting your loved one requires emotional resources, and to stay five steps ahead ...

The Duality of Addiction: People-Pleasing at Its Core

Addiction often carries a stereotype of selfishness, but at its core, it’s often driven by people-pleasing. This duality is one of the biggest challenges in understanding and addressing addiction. Imagine a person who, on the surface, seems to care deeply about others, giving their all to family, work, and friends, but who also battles an internal struggle with addiction that drives behaviors at odds with who they truly are. Let's explore this contrast and its impact on both individuals and their loved ones.

The Duality of Addiction and Self-Perception

In a recent family consultation, a husband described his wife as kind, compassionate, and hardworking—the epitome of someone who genuinely cares about others. Yet, when under the influence, she becomes confrontational, even antagonistic. This stark contrast between a person’s true self and their behavior during addiction is a common experience for families, creating confusion and...

Relapse is Part of Recovery: Real Stories of Trial, Error, and Success

Relapse doesn't mean you've failed in recovery. For most people, it takes a few tries before real, lasting recovery takes hold. In fact, 9 out of 10 people may experience a relapse after their first treatment, but that doesn't mean they failed. Recovery is a process—often one filled with setbacks and learning experiences.

I'm not saying this to excuse relapsing. Instead, it's to help set a realistic perspective on what recovery really looks like. To show what I mean, I'll share a few real-life stories that highlight the ups and downs of the recovery journey. These aren't just case studies; they're insights into the resilience and persistence that can lead to a new life.

Story 1: Barry's Battle for Sobriety

Barry didn't want to be in his Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP). In fact, he signed up reluctantly and barely kept sober during treatment. His marriage was on the rocks, his wife was planning a divorce, an...

5 Signs You Might Be Enabling Your Loved One’s Addiction

Enabling goes beyond simply paying someone’s bills or letting them stay under your roof. It’s a deeper, more complex dynamic that can keep your loved one stuck in unhealthy patterns. In this post, we’ll walk through five major signs that you might be enabling someone struggling with addiction. Think about each sign as you read—does it resonate with your experience?

If you're here, you're likely concerned that you might be enabling someone you care about. 

So, let’s explore the five signs that you might be enabling:

1. Shielding Them from Natural Consequences
If your loved one isn’t facing the natural outcomes of their actions, they might not see a reason to change. Natural consequences happen when someone’s actions lead to logical results, like missing work and getting fired. On the other hand, punishment is something you impose in response to bad behavior. By stepping in and fixing their problems, they might feel like every...