The Real Reason You Can’t Stay Sober—And How to Overcome It

Staying sober is a battle that varies depending on what stage of recovery you’re in. If you’ve ever wondered why it seems impossible to stay sober even when you genuinely want to, the answer lies in the specific phase of sobriety you’re currently navigating. Over my 20+ years of helping people get and stay sober, I’ve identified three distinct phases of recovery, each with its own unique set of challenges and hidden obstacles.

In this post, I’ll break down these phases for you, revealing the common pitfalls at each stage and offering practical advice to help you stay on track. If you’re serious about overcoming addiction, whether for yourself or a loved one, this information is invaluable.

Phase 1: The First Few Days—Overcoming Withdrawal

If you’re struggling to stay sober for more than two to three days, the issue might be related to withdrawal. In the first 48...

Unlocking Influence: Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Thoughts in Addiction Support

As many of you know, I always encourage being smart and strategic when interacting with your addicted loved one. Making wise choices in your interactions can significantly influence the situation, even if you can't control it.

By now, if you've been watching this channel for a while, you probably agree with that approach. You watch the AMRE videos, you practice the techniques, but sometimes, despite your best efforts, things go sideways. It's human nature—emotions take over, and you might have a meltdown or say things you regret. It's okay; it happens to all of us.

Often, what leads to these moments are self-sabotaging thoughts. These internal narratives and conversations can stir us up, causing us to lose our way. Even those of you in our Invisible Intervention course, where you learn communication skills and track your progress, can hit these mental roadblocks.

Recognizing and dismissing these...

 Recognizing the Behaviors of Addicts and Alcoholics: A Guide for Loved Ones

Being in a relationship with someone who struggles with addiction can be incredibly confusing and emotionally exhausting. Addicts often engage in behaviors like gaslighting, rationalizing, and minimizing their issues, which can leave you doubting the severity of the problem. In this blog post, we'll discuss some common observable behaviors of addicts and alcoholics to help you recognize the signs and take appropriate action.

Common Behaviors of Addicts and Alcoholics

1. Secretive Drinking or Using
- Addicts often hide their substance use or the extent of their consumption. They may drink or use before, during, or after social events in secret.

2. Going Missing in Action (MIA)
- Long, unaccounted-for absences are typical. They might leave for a short errand and disappear for hours or even days, often with implausible explanations.

3. Neglecting Responsibilities
- Addicts tend to neglect duties at work,...

4 Destructive Mindsets That Sabotage Your Addiction Recovery (And How to Overcome Them)

If you've been trying to overcome an addiction but keep falling back into it repeatedly, chances are you're grappling with one of these three destructive thinking patterns. In this post, we'll confront this head-on and even add a bonus mindset to ensure your success in beating addiction once and for all.

We help you stay five steps ahead of addiction through actionable steps. Our goal here is to provide you with the tools and resources you need to make a lasting recovery. 

Destructive Mindset #1: "Most People Don't Beat Addiction"

One of the most pervasive myths is that only a small percentage of people beat addiction. This mindset is reinforced by alarming statistics and negative narratives in rehab environments. However, thousands of people overcome addiction every day. Believing that most people fail sets you up for self-sabotage. The truth is, by taking proactive steps like watching...

Rebuilding Trust in Relationships: A Roadmap to Healing

Trust forms the bedrock of any strong relationship. When trust is broken, it can leave both parties shattered, with walls of defense erected. Rebuilding that trust requires understanding and effort from both sides. In this post, we'll explore practical steps to navigate this challenging journey.

Understanding Defense Mechanisms

If trust has been breached in your relationship, it's natural for defense mechanisms to kick in. Whether you're the one who betrayed trust or the one hurt by it, these defenses can complicate healing. Recognizing and addressing these defenses is crucial for progress.

Addressing the Trust Breaker

For the person who has broken trust, patience is paramount. Healing takes time, often longer than expected. Avoiding the topic or becoming defensive only prolongs the process. Instead, acknowledge the wrongdoing regularly and openly. This demonstrates your commitment to change and gradually rebuilds trust.

...

Healing from Betrayal Trauma: A Comprehensive Guide

Betrayal trauma is one of the most challenging experiences to navigate, especially when you’ve chosen to stay in the relationship. This complex issue requires a deep dive into the myriad steps necessary to get back on track after a major deception or betrayal has occurred.

Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Typically, when we think of betrayal trauma, an affair often comes to mind. However, betrayal can also stem from having a spouse or partner with an addiction. If you find yourself in either of these situations and have decided to work through it, you’re facing significant challenges—not just self-doubt but also doubts from those around you and possibly even your partner.

The Road to Healing

Healing from betrayal trauma is a murky and long journey, but it is possible. The first step is understanding what you’re dealing with. This blog explores the perspectives of both the betrayed and the betrayer, recognizing...

Dealing with Lies in Addiction: Understanding and Managing the Common Lies of Addiction
Hello, and welcome to *Put the Shovel Down*. In today's post, we're diving deep into a topic that is crucial for anyone dealing with addiction: lies. Specifically, we'll explore the seven most common types of lies that people with addictions tell. While there are other posts and videos on this channel about lying and manipulation, today, we're going a little deeper.

For those of you who are new here, I'm Amber Hollingsworth, a Master Addiction Counselor with over 20 years of experience helping people overcome addiction. I've seen firsthand how pervasive lying can be in the context of addiction. There's no foolproof way to get someone to tell the truth, and attempting to force honesty often backfires. Instead, I'll provide you with insights and tools to navigate these challenging situations effectively.

Understanding the Reasons Behind Lies in Addiction
Before we delve into the types of lies, it's...

You CAN Overcome Addiction On Your Own: My Top 4 Tips for Success

In the world of addiction recovery, the prevailing belief is that you can't overcome addiction on your own—you need help, support, and intervention. But I'm here to tell you the opposite. Not only can you stop an addiction on your own, but it's often the most effective way to achieve lasting recovery.

I know you might be skeptical, but stick with me. By the end of this post, you'll see that self-reliance in addiction recovery is not just possible—it's powerful. Plus, I'll share my top four tips for boosting your self-control, which is crucial for overcoming any addiction.

Who Am I?

For those of you who are new here, I'm Amber Hollingsworth, a Master Addiction Counselor. I've dedicated my career to helping people overcome addiction, and on this blog, we challenge the idea that you're powerless against addiction. We believe in empowering you with the science and psychology of addiction so you can stay five...

How to Make Someone Want to Get Sober: A Step-by-Step Guide

Some of you may be skeptical just reading the title: "How to Make Someone Want to Get Sober." Before diving into this post, you're likely thinking, "You can't make someone get sober. They have to want it for themselves." You're right, to a large degree. But there's more to the story. While you can't make someone get sober, you can influence them to want to pursue sobriety. Here's how.

The Influence Factor

First, let's address the elephant in the room: you can't force sobriety on anyone. The person struggling with addiction has to put in the work themselves. However, as someone close to them, you play a crucial role in influencing their journey towards sobriety.

Imagine trying to make someone want to spend more time with you. There are subtle ways you can influence their feelings and decisions. Similarly, there are strategies to encourage someone to consider sobriety.

Understanding Emotional Triggers

We all have emotional...