Feeling Held Hostage by Your Loved One’s Addiction? Here’s What You Can Do

Does it feel like every time you turn your back, they have a relapse? It’s like you can’t even go anywhere—afraid to leave for the afternoon to hang out with friends or go to a work event. The idea of being gone overnight or for multiple days? Forget about it. It’s nerve-wracking, and it feels like you have to babysit 24/7 just to keep things from falling apart.

If that sounds like your life, this is for you.

We don’t believe in waiting for rock bottom, and we definitely don’t believe that you’re powerless. If you have an addicted loved one, you have a lot of power and influence. And today, we’re talking about how to stop feeling like a hostage to their addiction and how to regain control of your life.

Understanding the “Coast is Clear” Trigger

So, what’s happening here? You may have noticed that every time you leave, your loved one relapses. Even if they say they’re trying to get sober, it seems like the...

How to Handle a Loved One's Relapse: Steps for Recovery and Support

Discovering that a loved one has relapsed after a period of progress can feel like a punch to the gut. It's overwhelming, heartbreaking, and often leaves you unsure of how to respond. While it's normal to feel a wave of emotions, how you handle the situation can make a big difference in what happens next. Although you can’t control their actions, your response can influence the outcome. Let’s walk through some essential steps to take that can help guide your loved one—and yourself—toward a healthier path.

1. Get Clear Before Taking Action
Before you take any steps, make sure you're confident that a relapse has occurred. If you’re only suspicious but not certain, it’s better to hold off on confronting them. I recommend watching my video on [How to Tell If Your Loved One Has Relapsed](#), which covers some clear indicators that might help you get clarity. Once you're about 80-90% sure, it’s time to move forward.

2. A...

Dear Amber,

 My story begins nine years ago. I was a 45-year-old divorced woman who had been single for five years. I dated a few men during that time but was emotionally unstable and drinking a lot of wine. Though I was friends with my ex-spouse, and we had two wonderful grown children, I had never fully healed from the divorce. I thought we were building a spectacular life together - we met in art school at 21, got married, had kids, and started a joint business that did really well. Life was magical.

That is until I found out on our last anniversary that my then-husband had been massively unfaithful for our entire marriage. One of his five girlfriends had posted about it on social media, outing him on my page. She was enraged because she was tracking our relationship on Facebook. My whole world fell apart in an instant. We were home when I confronted him, and he turned into a different person, laughing and mocking me, calling me stupid, and saying he'd had many affairs for years. ...

How to Spot the Signs of a Relapse: A Guide for Loved Ones

Are you feeling like something just isn't right with your loved one? Maybe you’ve got that sneaky suspicion that they’ve relapsed, but they haven’t come forward yet. You’re stuck questioning yourself, wondering if you should confront them or if it’s all in your head. Before you dive in, it’s essential to figure out if they really have relapsed. In this post, we’ll break down both the obvious and not-so-obvious signs of relapse so you can put your self-doubt to rest.

The Obvious Signs of Relapse

When we think about the signs of a relapse, we usually jump to the most concrete and straightforward ones. These are harder to miss but can still leave room for doubt when your loved one starts getting defensive.

Here are some of the telltale signs:

• Missing money or time: If they were supposed to be somewhere but weren’t, or it took them way longer than expected, this could be a warning sign.
• Unreachable: Suddenly not answering...

Breaking the Cycle: How Self-Pity Can Trigger Relapse and How to Stop It

You've probably heard the saying, "Pride comes before the fall." But when it comes to addiction recovery, I’d argue that *self-pity* comes before the fall. Of course, many factors can lead to relapse, but the biggest and final domino that usually topples is self-pity. This mindset can sneak in, quietly giving us permission to slip back into old habits.

Why Does Self-Pity Lead to Relapse?

It’s simple—stressful events or emotional triggers can't cause us to relapse by themselves. They can only push us toward relapse if we *let* them. And the most common way we give ourselves permission to use again is by falling into a victim mindset. This way of thinking allows us to justify and rationalize why we "deserve" to fall back into addiction.

So, in addiction recovery, it's crucial to learn how to recognize and combat this negative thinking. But why do we even fall into the trap of self-pity in the first place?

The...

Falling in Love

3 Simple Daily Rituals to Help You Maintain Sobriety: Tips from Amber Hollingsworth

Maintaining sobriety can feel like a daunting challenge, but doing a few simple daily rituals can make a significant difference in your recovery journey. In this blog post, we'll explore three effective habits that are easy to incorporate into your daily routine. Plus, we'll provide you with three free resources to support your journey and keep you on track.

1. Plan for Your Sobriety

When you commit to sobriety, it’s essential to plan how you’ll maintain it. Just like your addiction requires careful planning, so does your recovery. In the early stages, sobriety demands more effort and planning. Here’s how you can set yourself up for success:

- Create Accountability Set up systems to help you stay accountable. This could involve leaving cash and credit cards at home or choosing specific routes to avoid triggers.
- Prepare for Challenges: Plan activities that keep you engaged and away from temptation...

The Subtle Danger of Alcoholic Denial: Why It’s Different and How to Recognize It

Denial is a common trait among those struggling with addiction, but alcoholic denial is a unique beast altogether. It's trickier to identify and even more challenging to confront. If you're wondering why someone with a drinking problem doesn't see it—or if you suspect you might be in denial yourself—understanding these nuances can be the first step toward change.

In this post, we’ll explore 6 reasons why alcoholic denial differs from denial in other types of addiction and how it often goes unnoticed.

1. High Functionality Masks the Problem
One of the biggest reasons alcoholics often don’t realize they have a significant problem is because they’re highly functional in many areas of life. Unlike other addictions where the effects are more immediate and visible, alcohol can allow a person to maintain a seemingly normal life for years. They might hold down a demanding job, manage their household, or even ...

Are You Addicted? Discover the Criteria Used by Professionals to Find Out

Marijuana addiction is a sneaky, often overlooked issue that can be hard to identify. In fact, of all the addictions I treat, it's probably the hardest for people to recognize. In this post, we'll delve into the clinical criteria for marijuana addiction, officially known as Marijuana Use Disorder, and explore how these criteria can stay hidden under the radar.

Understanding Marijuana Use Disorder

Before we jump into the criteria, it's essential to understand that the clinical criteria for Marijuana Use Disorder are the same as those used for other substance addictions, like alcohol or methamphetamine. The only difference is the substance involved. By understanding these criteria, you can learn to recognize potential signs of addiction in yourself or someone you care about.

The 11 Criteria for Marijuana Use Disorder

Let's break down the 11 criteria used by professionals to diagnose Marijuana Use Disorder. A...

Understanding the Stages of Alcoholism: Why Early Recognition Is Crucial

Alcoholism is a progressive condition that can lead to significant physical, emotional, and relational difficulties. Many people don't realize they're dealing with alcoholism until it's in the later stages, making it much harder to address. Recognizing the early signs can save you from a lot of heartbreak and hardship.

In this post, we'll break down the stages of alcoholism so you can identify where you or a loved one might be on this continuum. Early intervention is key to overcoming alcoholism before it leads to more severe consequences.

Early Stage Alcoholism: The Warning Signs

In the early stages of alcoholism, you might not drink every day, but binge drinking becomes more frequent. This means that when you do drink, you often overdo it. You might not experience blackouts every time, but when you do, it's disorienting and embarrassing. Waking up with no memory of the previous night, checking your phone t...